Question:
I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD SHARE THE JOY WITH FRIENDS BUT THEY ARE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE
I MADE THE WRONG DECISION OR SOMETHING IS GOING TO GO WRONG. I THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME BUT THEY ARE MAKING ME APPREHENSIVE ABOUT THE WLS. HELP!!!!!!! — LUKESHA C. (posted on January 1, 2003)
January 1, 2003
This was one of the things I hated pre-op. Everyone had an opinion on my
decision and they felt they needed to convince me that I had made the wrong
decision. Well here I sit 3 months post-op and I have lost 81 pounds. Now
everyone who was so against my surgery are now telling me how great I am
doing and what a great choice I made.
Just follow you heart. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life.
They haven't lived your life or known the suffering you have gone through
due to the excess weight. Good luck to you.
— ckreh
January 1, 2003
That's exactly why I didn't tell anyone!
— Angie M.
January 1, 2003
Gurl do you.... Don't let anyone else feelings determine how you feel about
your decision,you do what you feel is best for you.I have come across the
same thing but I wouldnt change my mind about having the surgery for
anything.
— chocolatlatina B.
January 1, 2003
I can only sympathise with you. I hear that already and I'm still 1.5
months away from surgery. "why take such a drastic measure" is
what I hear most. People who are not overweight or people who are
uninformed have no clue. Besides, you are doing this for you, not for them.
— Bonnie B.
January 1, 2003
Hi,
You are having this surgery for yourself!! Don't let others get to you.
It is so easy for someone who doesn't need this surgery to condemn it.
Those of us who need it will say go for it. I am almost 5 months out and I
know its the best thing I have ever done!! Good luck.......
— Sharon1964
January 1, 2003
My best friend tried to scare me out of surgery. Save me:( <PL> If I
listened to him I would still be MO. <P>He is now my biggest
supporter, and has recommended his MO daughter get the surgery.
— bob-haller
January 1, 2003
Do what you think is the right thing for you. I have just finished surgery,
am home, lost 12 Lb and feeling better each day. I was lucky...I have a
daughter in law who is my mentor as she had the surgery 5 months before me
and I was able to use her for an example.
If this is the right decision for you, true friends will come around. I
told my immediate family and close friends, friends who have had weight
problems, and co workers. So were supportive right off and others wanted to
make sure I knew what I was doing. My best friend while supportive in her
own way, was the most hesitate about it. I gave her information and after
she did her own research she came around. But the bottom line is only you
and your loved one should have an opinion that matters.
— packwrap
January 1, 2003
I sympathize with you. It seems that every other person who hears about my
surgery knows someone who failed to lose weight or had lost the weight and
regained it. When you question them about their "friend" you
discover that the vast majority don't have such a friend or after talking
with them you'll find major inconsistancies. For instance last night, I
was talking my friends cousin about my up coming surgery. She told me
there was this woman at her work who had the surgery but only lost 10
pounds but then she tells me her friend has huge baggy skin under her arms
after the surgery. You can't have excess skin with only 10 pound weight
loss.
<p> Take Care, Be Well, and Be Happy!
— John T.
January 1, 2003
I am going through the samething also. It was hard at first. Everyone close
to me was telling me I shouldn't have the surgery. I let their negative
attitude delay me a year of trying to lose the weight by diet and exercise
instead of having WLS. (Which again, didn't work!) But since I have
decided that this is for my health and for ME! I am having some results
with a few people that know about what I am going to do. My husband went
with me to the Baylor WLS Seminar last month and up until then he was
against me having he surgery. Now, that he has heard others who have had
the surgery and the Docs speak he is more informed and is accepting my
decision. My co-worker now knows about my plans and I am slowly educating
her about the process. She of course is MO and is having trouble with her
back and legs and diabetes. She is supportive of me. I mentioned it to
my sister again last week and I told her I had officially decided to go for
it and told her that my husband is on my side. She just said it is not
something that she would want to do.
My advice, Do this for you and when you see an opportunity educate them
about it. Also, I am finding out that by telling people I "am"
having this surgery, they tend to back off because they see that I have
some confidence and self esteem that they haven't seen in awhile.
Hope this helps.
— babrewer
January 1, 2003
I guess I just don't really get the negative attitudes. Blows my mind. If
you were to tell your friends and family that your heart were bad and that
you had an opportunity to have a transplant - that they weren't sure how
long your current heart would last but that it was basically a ticking
time-bomb most people would tell you you were an idiot NOT to take
advantage of the transplant. Isn't this basically the same type of thing?
Your body is a time-bomb. Lord knows when it will give out under the
stress and strain of excess weight. You've obviously done everything you
can to lose weight the conventional way and it just hasn't done the job.
So now you have an opportunity to get a new body (in essence). Wouldn't
you be an idiot to not take advantage of it? Anyway, just my 2 cents and I
sure hope they turn around and support your decision, but if they don't -
do what your heart tells you to do - either way!
— [Deactivated Member]
January 1, 2003
Good Grief! What is wrong with our society? Seems most of us cheer the
underdog UNTIL he/she begins to achieve a goal. Then, we want to push them
back down. {{BIG, BIG SIGH}}<BR>
I don't have any answers for you, but I know you are not alone. This is
why the support of a forum like obesityhelp.com is essential for us.
<BR>
-Lori (RNY 06/20/02, 308/217)
— [Deactivated Member]
January 1, 2003
Lukesha--You need to do what is best for you--dont worry about the negative
people--let it roll off your back. It is your health and your decision. I
think many can relate to what I am about to say. In the past, some
"friends" would go with me to shop for clothes and they would
tell me everything looked "great" when in actuality it didn't.
Its almost like people want to "compete" against one another and
tend to sabotage. I wonder if it could be that they have insecurities and
with us being the obese ones it makes them feel better about themselves??
Thus far in my journey I have not encountered negativity but not everyone
knows that I had the surgery and that's my choice. But I will be curious
to see how many "true" friends are there when I'm at goal. Good
luck to you and God Bless.
— Bambi C.
January 1, 2003
I believe that sometimes when those who love us see that we are doing
whatever it takes to get in control of our lives and our destiny it scares
them. They begin to think "Now that she's taking care of her problems
she's going to think I should start taking care of my problems". In
reality I don't think WLS patients are that way. Once I lost weight I
never thought "This friend should get a new man, that friend should
get control of her credit card debt, etc." I didn't feel at all
competitive or adversarial with my friends but some of them seemed to feel
that way with me. I find that people who are so negative about WLS are
really not stirring up trouble about WLS at all. I think it runs much
deeper than that but WLS is a good target. Am I making sense? Seems like
I'm rambling. Anyway, don't let your friends discourage you. You are the
only person who can take charge of your life. The friends probably need to
spend more time taking charge of their own.
— ronascott
January 2, 2003
For many who do not know very much about WLS, they have only heard the
negative, and that is what you are hearing from them. Its like the first
time pregnant woman who gets told by perfect strangers how they were in
labor for 75 hours straight and other horror stories. Or before I had
herniated disc surgery on my back, people were coming out of the woodwork
to tell me about the "friend" who was paralyzed from that surgery
or he got worse after surgery..why do people do that??! If you listen to
all that, it will just drive you crazy and make you question your own
sanity. This is a better place to come to as you can do your research and
talk to others who have been there, done that. Your friends will come
around after they see how successful you will be. And if they don't, then
I would not count them as friends. Friends support each other. Good luck!
— Cindy R.
January 2, 2003
Hi, Just want to say. Forget those who have opinions. This is you. ONLY YOU
WALK IN YOUR SHOES. no one knows what you are going through each day when
it comes to your weight.I heard all the bad stories also. even about the
girl who died in town. ( very small town) but I went forward for me. and
glad I did. Hang in there, and do this for YOU.
— Naes Wls J.
January 2, 2003
hi
i had a lot of pros and cons but i didnt listen to anyone I had my mine
made up and i went through with it and I am glad that I did I am 104lbs po
7mos and I feel great so dont let anyone tell you anything do what you need
to do good luck
— ROSEMARY A.
January 2, 2003
I decided early on that I wasnt going to be secretive about getting the
surgery. I let people at work know that I was going to be out for a number
of weeks and why. Of course there were a few Nay-Sayers who thought I
"wasn't THAT heavy!" or that I was crazy for taking such drastic
measures.
But I told them straight out what my reasons were, and let the chips fall
where they may. My own PCP started telling me horror stories of patients
of hers who actually GAINED weight after the surgery.
My family was very supportive, even people in my family that I didnt think
would be! Now other MO coworkers are asking ME questions about the
surgery!
— Kathy C.
January 5, 2003
Good morning Keish, I pray that your new year is going wonderful. Honey
tell those people that you love them and you want them to be a part of your
journey, but it's your journey and your life. No one knows except you if
you are ready for this. I had WLS on 23 July and I feel absolutely
wonderful. I don't have any problems at all and I eat anything that I wan
to eat, just in small portions. The bible says that the Lord didn't give
us the spirit of fear, but of Love, peace, and a sound mind. Speak to
yourself and encourage yourself in the Lord my sister. If this is what you
want to do, don't allow anyone to talk you out of it. Put your confidence
in Jesus and He will see you through.
Have a blessed day,
Lenay
— Dortheria B.
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