Question:
Grrrrr. Frustrated at my co-workers/supervisor!!!!
I am angry right now and looking for some support. I have my first consult appointment Friday. A while back I informed my supervisor that I was considering RNY and she is against it and voiced her opinion that if I were to do anything to go with the lapband. I must mention that we are both RNs-- She carries an ADN and has 20+ years of state service. I on the other hand have a 6 years of state service but have a MSN/ED degree. I am not going into this surgery lightly I have researched this procedure for many years! I have given this a lot of time, weighed my pros/cons and even did my own statistical analysis. So, with that said. Tonight when I was receiving report I was excited and said "I go for my appointment Friday so I should have some information on when they can do it then," she went off on me (Professionally, but it hit hard.) She stated, "The surgery is dangerous, there are a lot of intestinal problems. You are a compulsive eater, it will not work and you will gain it all back! (so and so) just lost a lot of weight by eating healthy and you should check into that!" I replied, "I understand your point of view but this is my life!" My other co-worker stated, "We are just trying to look out for you! We don't want you to get hurt." So, I stated, "I respect what you guys are saying but this is my life, this is my decision and I am going to the appointments." and left it at that. After they left I had a meltdown. WTF!!! I thought to myself, "WTF do they know about me, they don't know what I have been through, they don't have a weight problem like I do. I do have a compulsion. I have been working on it. I have been trying to change.... I have been on a diet all my life. GRRRRRRRR!!!!! (big sigh) Wow, that felt good. Anyways.... Like to hear from anyone that has had a similar response and how did they handle it. Thank you in advance for your feedback. — A. Me (posted on January 27, 2010)
January 27, 2010
Tian, I am a nurse also and have had some negative feedback related to the
surgery. For anyone to say, you will have intestinal problems and expect
that to be a reason not to have surgery shows a lack of understanding and
misinformation about WLS. Misinformation is one of the biggest problems
that I have encountered and from other medical professionals. When someone
gives me an opinion, I always ask, and where did you get that information.
Its usually something they heard. I suggest to them that after they get
some real, and as we nurses call it, "evidence based"
information, dont talk to me about it. Needless to say, its been quite
quiet these days :-).
— T. Preston
January 27, 2010
Tina, I can't speak for your co-workers, but in my own experience, (I'm
also a nurse) I too had some negative feedback. There are at least 6 of us
nurses at my job who have had RNY, LB, or GS over the past 4 years. So
far, I am the only one who has lost alot of weight (126#), and haven't
gained any of it back.....yet! My surgery was Nov. 2008. The biggest
difference in my experience is that I have committed and adjusted to a
total lifestyle change. My mouth works fine, my stomach works fine too,
it's my brain that will sabotage my change!
When I first started this journey, I had angina, bad back, bad knees, and
lots of digestive problems. Having this surgery was guaranteed with just
two words....FOLLOW DIRECTIONS! To this day, I remember my surgeon telling
me that "the numbers (scales) don't lie". If I cheat, the scales
will 'out' me. Pure and simple. I have read here the experience others
have shared, and many times it isn't the same as my experience. I am still
losing, and I haven't had a fill since last July.
Check out the experience of others, find what you are able to committ to,
then believe in it and live what you believe! Good luck
— BeenThere1
January 27, 2010
Your colleagues are mis-informed. (However, this may not be the response to
give them) The Gastric Bypass is deemed the GOLD STANDARD METABOLIC
SURGERY for those of us who have compulsive eating problems. The stapling
of the stomach isolates the ghrelin-producing glands that cause the
insatiable appetite. It is not a matter of self-control: My self-control
and determination was exhibited beautifully in that I got on with my life
even though I HATED the way I looked and felt about myself. Prior to the
surgery, I could only eat healthily for so long, then I would HAVE to feed
that urge. I compared it to breathing...just how long can you hold your
breath???!! The day of the surgery I could tell that this urgency had gone!
I can now work WITH this tool to follow a healthy eating program and, with
the loss of 70 pounds, I am able to work at body building! to build muscles
and further lose the flab. I am now 56 years old, I have a BSc in Nursing,
am registered in both the US and the UK, and have 3 post-graduate
qualifications. I have researched the weight/overeating problem for many
years, working on a National Medical Committee on these issues. My
surgery was only 16 months ago. It has truly changed my life and I am
building the body that I never had before.
My colleagues were skeptical, too. I have been able to inform them and
change the minds of some of them.
Look after yourself, do your research, make your own decision, and stand by
it. Find a support outside of these people. You don't need their approval
and don't expect their support. Forgive them for their ignorance.
— texasmroning
January 27, 2010
Tina, I've had medical professionals who are friends tell me similar
things. I've decided it's "anecdotal evidence." They knew one or
two people who had complications, and without doing research into
statistics, they assume we all have such complications.
You've done your research, so you've probably run into the same statistics
I have. My surgeon says diet and exercise alone only work for about 5% of
we morbidly obese people at losing and KEEPING OFF large amounts of weight.
The stat for post-RNY is about 80%. This does emphasize that you can fail
on RNY if you don't "work your tool," but I like the chances. Is
it possible to lose >100 pounds with diet and exercise and keep it off?
Sure. Lots of things are "possible." Is it likely? No. Is it
likely to lose >100 pounds after RNY and keep it off? Yes, it's likely.
It's possible to fail... it's possible to have complications... but it's
not likely.
Here's what I do with the few negative comments I've received: I resolve to
prove them wrong, wrong, wrong by following all my surgeon's and
dietician's directions to a T. I plan to lose 150 pounds within two years,
and keep as much of that off as my body will let me. I've been
"visualizing" success... planning my healthier lifestyle, and
looking forward to feeling more energetic and invigorated.
You go! You do what you know is best for yourself! And practice
professionalism with your co-workers, listening politely, but not letting
it get to you. It's your life. They cannot control what you do. And you
have many medical professionals on your side, as well as insurance. The
insurance companies don't approve procedures that statistically make people
sicker. It's a money issue. The insurance companies know that on the whole,
WLS is a life-extending health-enhancing surgery, that's why they approve
it. Good for you for standing your ground... now just work on your
reaction. Practice assertiveness (not aggressiveness), be sure of your
facts, respectful of the ignorance of your co-workers, and be gentle with
yourself on this glorious journey to health & happiness! Solidarity, my
friend. --Greg Keeler (RNY 2/9/10, Ithaca, NY)
— Greg K.
January 27, 2010
It's too late for you, but for the others, don't tell them until after your
surgery. I just told people I was having surgery and would be out for a few
weeks. They all assumed I was having a Hysterectomy. LOL If they asked, I
would say that I wasn't ready to talk about it and changed the subject.
Make your own informed decision and don't tell your supervisor or
coworkers. They do not have the right to know. Hope this helps.
— smparker2
January 27, 2010
Hi Tina,
I'm not a nurse, but I can certaintly identify with your situation. I work
with a small staff and everyone knows everything. I was the leader of a
nationally known weightloss support group that is part of the programming
here. I was told by several members if I pursued the surgery, I was a
traitor and should step down. My boss is not happy either. It sounds like
your co workers and boss are concerned, but are taking it way past the
extreme. Believe in yourself. You, like me, know you have foodie issues,
that's the first step. If all else fails, smile politely, thank them for
the concern and then tell them you need to go potty and ask if they would
like to make that decision for you too....I got this by email yesterday and
it hit home: Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we
simply continue to fly, only on a broomstick. We are truly
flexible....Keep your chin up....
— kchooker
January 27, 2010
When I saw my surgeon at Henry Ford for the first time, he told me that the
success rate of morbidly obese people (> 100 lbs overweight) losing AND
KEEPING OFF significant amount of weight is 3%. In other words, 97% of
people who have 100 lbs to lose or more will not be successful on their
own. This made me realize that it is not just a case of "buckle down
and do it yourself." The odds of me doing it without surgery really
suck. From that moment on, I didn't care what others said - I'm doing this
for me. People who have these strong opinions against the surgery are
uninformed, and are basing their opinions on the old days of the surgery.
The process and procedure are so refined now- not at all what it was even 5
years ago. I agree however that the gastric bypass is the gold standard.
From what I've learned, I would NEVER go with the lapband - there are more
complications and it doesn't seem to work as well. Go to your consulations
and learn and do as much research as you can. Also see if there is a
support group in your area. I found my support group incredibly helpful-
nice to talk to people who've gone through it already. In total, I've
probably talked to 25-30 people who had surgery and not one single person
had any regrets. Hope this helps.
— lucy_007
January 27, 2010
Hi Tina,
As you can see, you have lots of support on this webiste. Everyone here
has walked the walked so can understand your dieting throughout your life.
I had some negative feedback from co-workers but it's OUR choice to ignore
those idiots and concentrate on your POSITIVE decision. I was actually
leaning towards lapband before all my research then switched to RNY gastric
and had surgery on 12/28 so only 4.5 wks out. My 2.5 wk post op appt was
wonderful and no problems & lost 21 lbs in 2.5 wks......this is the
easiest 20# I ever lost. Then 2 days after my post op appt, I was throwing
up for a week straight so concerned as I was no keeping my vitamins down or
water & forget about food. They did a procedure to look down my throat
to find that the opening to my new stomach had almost closed which means
anything consumed was stuck between my throat & new stomach, so they
gently stretched to 12mm. I went in last Saturday at 8am & out by 7pm
after proving I could hold down broth, water, jello etc.... Your a nurse
so you know every person is different in healing, problems etc.... I can
tell you it still amazes me that I sit down & eat a 1/4 cup of
something and usually can't finish the last bite. I was never a huge eater
but more a junk food person & having this surgery doesn't allow me to
eat the junk food. I tried a chees puff one night while making my sons
lunch & just felt uncomfortable and if you feel that way, it keeps you
from eating it again (right?) I struggle everyday just eating 2 meals of
protein and drinking at least 64 oz of water as water fills up my stomach
then I'm not hungry. To date I've lost a total of 30#'s which isn't much
but quite a bit for 4.5 wks out of surgery. I found the lap band people
had slippage which meant another surgery plus all the adjustments mean a
needle in the disc to adjust. I'm not a needle fan & I personally
needed that dumping/uncomfortable feeling to keep me from eating the wrong
things. I met someone who had had gastric 5 yrs ago that recommended this
site and I look at it daily and post any questions I have and get wonderful
positive feedback. Best of luck on your journey and let it go in one ear
& out the other. POSITIVE........POSITIVE........POSITIVE :-)
— 3decks
January 27, 2010
I am a nurse as well and had my lap band on Dec 8 for the most part my co
workers have been awesome and my boss told me taht she considers the
lapband appts the same as if I was having any other treatment for any other
disease-- we get payed our salary even when we go to appts. However the
other day one of my less tactfull coworkers said I have been watching what
you eat and you can eat alot more than I thought( a cup of food is what I
ate) I thought the same as you but then I reminded myslef there are those
in this world who are always negative. Do this for you and ingore the nay
sayers.
— Figler5
January 27, 2010
The first words out of most people's mouths that don't understand the
surgery is "You are just going to gain the weight back". I am
sure that all of us have had someone say that to us. But I am here to say
that not all of us gain the weight back. I had the RNY 4 yrs ago and lost
90 lbs and kept it off. I have two things here: 1) You don't need to try to
convince your "coworkers of anything", you don't owe them a
reason as to why you are doing it, all they need to know if even this; Is
you are having the surgery done, bottom line. second, if you get in touch
with the food demons, and tackle them head on pre op, you will have a very
sucessful weight loss.(not saying if you don't you won't either, but it
helps) That part is very important though. You must work through and do a
lot of soul searching within yourself so you don't gain weight, and regret
having the surgery. That is all "You" need to focus on. If your
coworkers cannot support you, then I wouldn't talk to them about it. You
could just politely tell them "I wish to not dicuss my healthy life
changing journey with you. My doctor and I feel this is the best way for
me to achieve a healthier lifestyle or something like that. So where it is
showing the decision isn't just yours, but your doctors as well. Not just
a primary doctors decision, but the Baractric doctor that is involved. My
husband was totally convinced I needed the surgery once the doctor spoke to
him directly right after surgery and told him "I needed this surgery
to save my life and make me healthier".
— Kristy
January 28, 2010
I am not in the medical field and I got negative reactions from many
people. I heard them talk about others before I decided to do it so I was
very careful who I told. Even now it is not something I disclose litely. a
parking attendent at the hospital that does the proceedure told me I should
not do it. That God would fix me.
People are worried but they need to keep their opionons to themselves and
be there for you. It is hard later too since they are always making
comments on what I eat. I have done well but others make it hard.
— trible
January 28, 2010
Tina, I too am a nurse, but unlike I have had extremely supportive
supervisors and co-workers. I have a different opinion on your co-worker's
negativity. I think it stems from her own feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps
your difference in weight helps her feel superior. If the weight issue is
resolved and you are on an even footing, the balance of power will shift.
You hold a higher degree, and perhaps this scares your co-worker. Have
some compassion and look past her negative comments. Stay focused and
continue your journey. I am almost 4 weeks out from the sleeve gastrectomy
and have lost 30 lbs. Look for a support group, probably in your own
hospital and cultivate friendships with those who are supportive. All of
us here are rooting for each other. Good Luck. Janet
— janpmck
January 28, 2010
I have enjoyed this question, I too have had a lot of problems with
dimwits, especially my sister. She is overweight too, and said to me, why
can't you just diet, I told her, look at you, why don't you just
diet!!!!!!
Now, since I lost close to 100 lbs with the RYN, she tells me I am tooooo
skinny, whatever.
There are the others too, that are so damn miserable, misery my friends
love company, just remember that.
This is a mere tool and you must exercise and eat properly and be compliant
with your DR's program.
Good luck
— FSUMom
January 28, 2010
Wow guys.... Awesome support and a GREAT BIG 'THANK YOU!' All of the
different "POSITIVE" perspectives has been a helpful reminder.
Thanks again.
— A. Me
January 28, 2010
I didn't read everyone's response, but just some advice...Don't take your
personal life to work. You need the support of your friends and family.
Outside opinions are not going to help you during this life changing time!
This website has helped me thru a lot of my worries and questions. We are
strangers, but we've been there and these ladies you work with obviously
have not walked a second in your shoes and have only retained the negative
statistics about RNY. Everyone that has this surgery has a different
experience and you are not going to be any different. You will have your
own story, your own success, and your own battles. Consider the sources
with your co-workers and don't bother talking about it. Do what you think
is right. Pray about it if you are spiritual and listen to the Word He
gives. Good Luck and Congrats!
— C. Barnes
January 28, 2010
You should not be discussing this with your coworkers anymore. They do not
need to know your business. Do not bring this subject up anymore. These
people are definitely not supportive of you, nor do they know you well
enough to be making these comments. Find some friends that will support
you, real friends, not coworkers. It is a big mistake letting your
coworkers know your business when they are opinionated and negative like
this.
— cydthekid50
January 29, 2010
i have just started my journey towards my surgery. so far I have had good
support with total understanding. we don't get to this point overnight.
surgery is serious but so is having so much weight on the body. you know
your body, you know yourself and what you can handle. you're a grownup and
have a reasonable amount of intelligence. don't let anyone sway you. i did
twelve years ago and i just got fatter. I am 60 and want to spend the rest
of my life enjoying it and not worrying about my health and weight. good
luck.
— toyogirl1424
Click Here to Return