Question:
A believeable story to tell others who you dont want to know you had WLS?
I am a very private person, and as I will not be embarassed to have WLS and will be able to be proud, thankful and grateful. I do not want to openly announce to anyone and everyone my decision to do so. My weight is a very sensitive issue for me and I am very shy about it. I do not like people to comment on how fat I am or if I have lost weight. I really do not like attention drawn to me. Therefore I plan on telling very few people about my decision to have this surgery. I was wondering what a believable story is fo rthose I do not wish to share the truth with. I just think if I tell them then I will have to deal with there reactions good or bad and answer all kinds of questions that I dont want to constantly deal with. Any suggestions? I was thinking of saying I had and abnormal growth on my intestines so they have to do emergencey surgery and remove part of it. But I know people will want more info than that, especially my sister who is a nurse and I am not sure what else to say beyond that or how to explain that kind of thing as to what it was and why etc...? Any suggestions???? — kristikat82 (posted on July 22, 2006)
July 22, 2006
Never lie. It makes it look like you are ashamed and you shouldnt be.
Chances are at some point most will know what you did. Why should you need
to cover it up. You're doing something to improve your life and I hate the
lying because in the end if people find out then you're a liar too. If
you want to keep it to yourself and someone asks you about surgery, just
say its private. Only a rude person would ask anything further. Or just say
you addressed a health issue and don't really want to go into it. I just
think its wrong to lie because doing so continues to keep WLS a secret and
I personally think you're doing a greatthing by taking charge of your life
again and doing something to get back on track!
Good luck!
— amillman
July 22, 2006
Christina - I understand that your weight is an issue. However doing the
WLS is naturally going to bring about radical change that will be noticed
by everyone around you. If you are not comfortable with telling them about
the surgery then I would just say that you are on a special diet especially
made for you by your endocrinologist (doctor of the digestive system) and
that you rather not talk about it as it's a pretty private subject to you.
One thing I do notice is that people, especially family, don't stop
thinking of you the old way at times. My grandmother still talks to me
about my issue with food and yet I'm almost 60lbs lighter than I was when I
last saw her at Christmas. She wonders how I can steer clear from food no
matter where I go because it's always around me. I pointed out to her that
I could walk across the room and pig out in my fridge if I really wanted to
but I do not feel the need nor the hunger to do so.
I would really suggest you consider your emotions around the weight, why
they are there and dealing with them before doing the surgery. Any shame
that you feel over your obesity needs to be healed or that shame will pop
up in other ways. Seeing a counselor, therapist or getting into a great
support group while you go through this will be very beneficial for you in
long run.
I hope this helps! Please email me should you have any questions.
— [Deactivated Member]
July 22, 2006
Rough road and I completely understand how you feel. It took me an
incredibly long time to get to the point where I chose to be open about
this. Because for me, it was about keeping the rumors at bay and also
being there for those who wanted to follow in my footsteps. I *knew*
people would talk about it and make guesses and assumptions. So I wanted
to quell the rumors and give them facts. IF you choose to go ahead with
the lie, you have a couple of options, but I will say that it will likely
stir up people talking about you behind your back regardless what you say.
You can ensure the doctor takes out your gallbladder and explain to
everyone that you have been feeling sick lately and have to have your
gallbladder removed. Some people have a rough time after gallbladder
surgery in what they can tolerate eating, so you could say you felt
nauseous and didn't want to eat much, and by the time you felt better you
were on a roll and really wanting to go with the weight loss thing. Still,
chances are you'd likely be out longer with wls than with gallbladder, so
it's still going to raise some eyebrows and people willl talk. My friend
is also a very private person and doesn't want people to know about all
that she has going on (although she didn't have wls, she is planning on
some PS she isn't going to tell anyone about). That's all great fine and
dandy, but just understand that people will indeed talk about your
situation more behind your back this way. If you were up front, they may
discuss what you had done, but it wouldn't be along the lines of bizarre
gossip that turns into Urban Legend that turns in to common knowledge
"fact" according to the rest of the world. If you choose to
reveal what you had done, you can simply say that you had bariatric surgery
and prefer not to discuss it. Or you can just smile and say nothing at
all. Don't offer, and if someone asks, just say that your weight is a
touchy subject for you and you prefer not to discuss it. My vote is to be
honest, but whatever you choose to do, I hope you find it is the right
thing for you. Ultimately it comes down to your own comfort level.
Perhaps a little counseling will help you come out of that embarassment a
little. It took me a long time to get there on my own, but I wouldn't turn
back now. It is refreshing not to try to ignore the big pink elephant
standing in the middle of my living room. Dina
— Dinka Doo
July 22, 2006
I agree with the first poster. If someone asks you, just say you don't want
to talk about it, or why do they want to know. Don't make up a lie and be a
liar. Look what happened to Star Jones. People ridicule her because of her
lies.
As you get more comfortable and people ask you, you might want to tell them
after you have lost, because you may be helping someone else
If others had not been open, you might not have learned about it.
— geneswife
July 22, 2006
I wouldn't lie about it. People may figure it out anyway. You could always
use my Uncle Larry's favorite response. If someone asks him something he
doesn't want to answer, he just says that's nunya. Usually the person
asking the question will look puzzled and he'll ask if they know what nunya
is. Then he tells them it's nunya business. This clearly lets people know
that what they have asked is not open for discussion and he usually
diffuses the situation with humor. I do know how you feel about not wanting
to answer questions yet. I'm having my tummy tuck next month and so far I
have just been telling people I have to have an abdominal surgery. I have
had a previous hernia repair so I'm hoping they'll just figure it is that
again. When I feel like talking about it, I will. For now, I'd prefer to
have my anxieties alone though. Best wishes for health and happiness
always.
— djfoz
July 22, 2006
I agree with the above posters, although, I see your point. It is a very
personal decision. The problem is, is that some of those that have never
had a weight problem just don't get it. They don't see why diet and
excercise alone have not worked in the past and they think that it is just
a matter of will power. If you go with the growth story, I would be afraid
that people would figure out that this was a lie. You might just want to
say that you have been working with a doctor and a nutritionist and have
found the right diet that works for you. Good luck to you!!!
— amysocko
July 22, 2006
Hi Christina,
Don't Lie. I didn't tell anyone until right before my surgery. I am not a
private person but I didn't want to hear horror stories about WLS. I told
my Manager 2 weeks before and just told her I was having surgery. They are
really not suppose to ask what kind. The last day I worked, I told my
coworkers that I was having surgery, if anyone asked I told them I rather
not say at this time. They all thought I was having a hysterectomy. After I
lost a lot of weight I was happy to tell them I had gastric bypass.
— smparker2
July 22, 2006
I agree with all the above posts. Do not lie. Tell them you don't want to
talk about it, but don't lie. I think there will come a time that you will
want to tell others. Perhaps not, but don't become a liar because of it.
My daughter and I both had the surgery, and so often when I see others in
distress I want so much to tell them there is help out there. I don't of
course, but I feel that strongly about the benefits of the surgery and
whenever possible love to share the information so that others can benefit
as well. Good luck!
— patgels
July 22, 2006
I can relate totally to your issue. I myself have struggled with this for
the 2 plus years since my surgery. For me, it is for a variety of reasons
- some similar to yours. I had the surgery for me and my health, not to
become a poster child for it. I also feel strongly that everyone must find
their own way and I would hate for someone to be influenced by me to do
this and get disastrous results. I also feel like my privacy is extremely
violated when acquaintances come up and ask me about it or better yet start
the conversation with "You didn't have that surgery, did you?" I
personally have disclosed my situation to my family and closest friends, as
well as to others who seemed genuinely interested. People I feel are
interrogating me to satisfy their morbid curiosity get a different
response. I tell them - "I changed everything about my life and my
eating" This is very true and if they persist, I describe my new
eating habits to them. I am not sure that people I know virtually nothing
about deserve to know more than that about me. I feel that WLS has
prolonged my life and helped me in so many ways that sometimes I feel like
telling everyone how I found the answer to the despair that is extreme
morbid obesity. But then I remember the years I struggled to make this
decision and realize that everyone must deal with this in their own way. I
hope you find a comfortable way to deal with this and realize that you are
not alone in the struggle with this issue. Good luck to you. Dee
— Dee G
July 23, 2006
Christina,
I certainly understand your desire not to be the center of attention. It
sounds to me like you have other deep issues that you'd rather not deal
with publicly so you have kept them secret.
I strongly urge you to go back to the Dr/counselor you went to for the psyc
eval and tell them about these secrets truefully. Stories and lies are
really one in the same and it's my experience that if a person is telling
lies in one area of their life they are telling lies all over. Usually
these lies/stories are an attempt to cover up an event in their life that
they have a great deal of shame or guilt about and have used food to help
cope with the event(s). This surgery is a life altering and life
threatening experience ! Don't be ashamed to talk to a counselor. They
will not judge you. Without food to cope with your life problems you WILL
find other ways to cope and I assure you that other here can tell you about
the other ways they have learned to cope positively and negatively.
Have I scared you yet? I hope I've scared you into going to a counselor.
WLS surgery is not an easy fix to your life problems.
I'm normally a non-confrontational person but I want to see you have the
best result and to feel good about yourself. I am speaking from
experience. Talk about the real issue - the secret!
— Tuxedo Katz
July 23, 2006
If you don't want to mention it, then just tell people who ask that you
would rather not talk about it... and don't. You do not owe anyone an
explanation! I do not recommend lying, but you can just refuse to discuss
it. I felt the same way at first, but now I just tell people, because I am
proud of myself.
— Novashannon
July 23, 2006
Given no info gossip that you have cancer or AIDS will be the outcome. much
better to just say weight loss surgery and say dont care to discuss it
futher.
— bob-haller
July 23, 2006
I am also very private and told only my parents and siblings about my wls.
I told everyone else that I was having my hiatle hernia repaired. Once
people started noticing my weight loss I told them that because of my
hernia repair my doctor had me on a very strict diet for several months and
because of that I was loosing weight. I never had anyone ask me if I had
wls they just asked if my surgery went well. I told people I was under a
doctors care, eating less and exercising alot more and that is why I was
loosing weight, all are true. This is not a LIE, I just did not offer
every detail. As far as I am concerned my life is my life and I will give
people the details they need only. Only tell those you want to know and it
is nobody elses business. Do not let people bully you into giving more
info than you are confortable giving out, it is your life and your decision
not anyone elses.
— tazfan
July 23, 2006
I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD RESORT TO THAT THOSE MEASURES ABOUT
HAVING WLS. ALTHOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. HONESTLY AS A
CHILD OF GOD CAN SAT THAT TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU HAD OR HAVE SOMETHING
THAT YOU ARE SO BLESSED NOT TO HAVE. IS OPENING UP DOORS IN YOUR LIFE THAT
YOU DONOT WANT TO EVER OPEN. IT IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PLACE THAT WE ALL MUST
BE CAREFUL OF DOING. I AGREE WITH THOSE THAT SAID LYING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE
DOING IS NOT A GOOD THING TO DO. ONCE AGAIN IT CAN OPEN UP DOORS THAT YOU
MAY NOT WANT TO OPEN IN YOUR LIFE. AS A POST-OP PERSON NOW FOR 2 MONTHS I
CAN SAY THAT I AM VERY HAPPY THAT I DECIDED TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO LIVE AND
IT IS A BLESSING FROM GOD AND WHY SHOULD I FEEL ASHAMED THAT I MADE A
QUALITY CHOICE. REMEMBER THAT THE DECISION TO HAVE WLS SURGERY IS REAL AND
YOU WILL GO THROUGH SOMETHINGS AND WE HAVE TO LEARN ALL OVER AGAIN ABOUT
WHAT WILL AND WILLNOT WORK FOR US. SO IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE EASY,
BUT JUST KNOW THAT IT IS A BLESSING FROM GOD TO HAVE IT DONE. WITH GODS
PRAYER I DO PRAY THAT YOU WILL FEEL MUCH DIFFERENT WHEN IT HAS BEEN DONE.
PS: I DO UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HAVING YOUR PRIVACY BUT MAYBE YOU CAN SEE IT
THIS WAY NOT MAKING THE CHOICE TO LIVE A HEALTHER AND MORE HAPPIER LIFE
THAN MAYBE ONE SHOULD THEN BE ASHAMED. PLEASE! REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOUR
GETTING READY TO DO WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER AND ALTHOUGH SOME TRIALS
MAY COME YOU WILL FEEL AND BE SO MUCH MORE HAPPIER WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND
DONE. SO IN ENDING I SAY " PLEASE! BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND
DONOT LET PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL ANY DIFFERENT" GOD BLESS U! TEEYA
— ALLPRAISES2HIM
July 23, 2006
If you really don't want them to know I would just say that I had been
having some stomach problems and they want to take out some instestines.
Tammy
— tllcal
July 23, 2006
Hi Christina! I understand your being a private person, but you have to
realize that people are gonna notice something! It's good that you're
planning in advance. I recommend some simple answers, like "Thank you
for noticing," then change the subject fast, like, "Oh, that's a
beautiful blouse, where did you get it?" Or for guys, "Can you
believe that the (name of team) won(lost) that game??" Wham! Ball in
their court! For the really persistant, rude people, try going on the
attack, ask if they're thinking of plastic surgery. Or asking if their
rudeness is a natural talent or have they taken classes. (for really hard
cases only) You could have a lot of fun, look up a bunch of really obscure
diseases, and give each person a different answer. Confusion is always a
big plus! And don't forget Dear Abby's classic response to questions that
start "forgive me for asking but..." -- "I'll forgive you
for asking if you forgive me for not answering." And practice your
best big smile! Good luck!!!! --Mary
— mwilson523
July 23, 2006
I am 9 weeks post op and the only people who know I had WLS is my husband,
my friend who babysat my children while I was in the hospital and a friend
who had surgery the same day. I am a very private person too and dont feel
it is anybodys business but mine. I live about 5 hours away from my family
so I dont see them on a regular basis but when I do I just tell them I have
been exercising and just plain old eating right. Which is not a lie
because I do exercise and eat healthy. It doesnt make you a liar if you
dont tell people you have had the surgery. However, I wouldnt make up some
kind of medical condition because you may jinx yourself and it could
actually happen. Hope this helps, good luck with your journey and God
bless you.
— tia24tx
July 23, 2006
Look at Star Jones, who lied, lied, and more lies. She said it was Pilates
and exercise. Lost ALL credibility and should have. She still did NOT admit
it on Larry King Live..just said it was medical intervention. Stand tall,
be proud, it is saving your life. Look at Al Roker, Roseanne, and Carnie
Wilson. 1000's of others. This is life saving from a life of obesity. Help
others.........I shout it from the mountain top...3 years post op. Shame on
Star for lying. Do Not lie, friends and coworkers will KNOW you would be
telling a lie......just like Star. God Bless..no lies or
fibs...............June 23, 2003, = GBS,,,,,295/160/170....3 years post op
and VERY PROUD till this day and forever
— Kathy R.
July 23, 2006
While I understand your desire to keep the surgery private, also be aware
of the metaphysical implications you are putting out there like saying it
was an illness that really wasn't and then you turn around and get that
illness. Also, attention will be drawn to you because of the amount of
weight you will loose.
Actually, it's not YOUR issue to deal with once you tell who you are going
to tell. They don't have to accept it or make a comment. You did it,
that's it and that's all --no additional explanation needed from you. If
they want to know more, direct them to the website.
Fact is, you're not going to be able to hide the weight loss and eventually
people are going to ask. When you get to the point where you can eat
regular food and don't finish your entree at a restaurant the wait staff is
going to ask you if everything is alright, was anything wrong with the food
-- the answer, "I just don't eat as much anymore" and take the
remainder home with you. That's all you have to tell them.
Tell your sister the truth, she could turn out to be your biggest
supporter. Don't count people out, they may not question you as much as
you think.
Look at the positive side of this whole thing, your decision and healing
process may encourage someone else to do the same thing.
— the7thdean
July 23, 2006
WLS is much more common today, than ever. People will figure it out and
those that ask you directly should not be lied to. What is the point?
You have to do what is right for you, but telling those that are
interested can be helpful for those considering the surgery and those
having family members who may be considering.
When asked, I tell the truth and am glad to do so. For those that
don't understand the plight of morbidly obese people, it can be
enlightening.
— LauraA
July 23, 2006
My Dear Christina: You will have already brought attention to yourself
with the dramatic weight loss. To be imbarrassed of the loss is puzzling,
however I do understand not bringing attention to oneself. Your sister the
nurse will definitly know and of all people to confide in I would think it
would be her not only a nurse but a sister. But the others you don't
necessailary want to discuss the issue with, why not just offer a kind
thank you for noticing the weight loss. They will no doubt offer their
congratulations on how well you are doing. Why not just tell them you
decided to start eating healthier and apparently it's aggreeing with you.
Just leave it at that. Start off on another subject. No reason to start
telling lies. One just leads to another then you really are in the lime
lite.
Good Luck
Tressia
— Tressia
July 23, 2006
— nunu99
July 23, 2006
Just be open and honest with people because if they have noticed then the
weight loss then they might think your sick if you don't tell the whole
truth. I was proud to let everyone know about my surgury because they knew
how sick I'd been for so long. You know even Star Jones is catching hell
cause she didn't tell the "whole" truth about her weight loss.
Yes being overweight is horrible believe me I've always hated the little
snickers and nasty comments from folks now if I hear them I just smile and
walk on cause I know I'm on the losing side and winning. Hold your head up
high your doing something positive with your life.
— Deborah Joyner
July 24, 2006
My standard response to most people is..." a lot of hard work!"
After all, it's not lying, this is hard work, following the diet and
getting the water in, plus the exercise. I've found that most people don't
push much farther than that, because it's a good non-specific answer!
— lovey1111
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