Question:
Has anyone had friends try to discourage you from having WLS?
Some of my friends are saying things like "please don't do this(wls) I like you the way you are, I don't think you are that heavy" I don't know how to take this...has this ever happened to anyone else?? — Jackie L. (posted on December 29, 2003)
December 29, 2003
My best friend said I was insane for even considering WLS. Amazing what
sucess will do. He now advocates it for his MO daughter, who happens to be
a old girl friend. She admits she id falling apart health wise but refuses
surgery. Mostly because of her mom who doesnt like it. Says she should
loose it naturally, even though her mom admits she knows that will not
happen. If the people against WLS are MO themselves they may fear you will
drag them into getting it themselves. Or they might fear youre going to die
on the table. Attend some support group meetings and introduce your friends
to a post op thats lost a 100 pounds or more. That will likely change their
mind:)
— bob-haller
December 29, 2003
Oh yes I had my very best friend walk on our friendship for I followed what
I said I was going to do and had the surgery and she chickened out. Now at
8 months I am living a wonderful quality of life and I must add 103 pounds
lighter and she is still where she was at. I think alot of people are just
misinformed about this surgery and are concerned on what will happen to you
as well as some are scared of what a change you will go through and feel
like they are being left behind. But we all must remember it all comes down
to what is best for ourselves. I wish you the best of luck in your new
adventure in life.
— Holly B.
December 29, 2003
i don't understand....they mean they like you fat?? eventhou your friends
might care for you they won't have to live with your health problems or
depression and can occur with being MO. when they say "please don't do
this, i like the way you are" ask them why they wouldn't want you to
be healthier. but the bottom line is you have to make the choice all by
yourself. this is a very serious thing that must be studied and questioned
over and over until you are 100% sure. don't wait untill after surgery to
start asking question that will effect you for the rest of your life. STUDY
STUDY AND MORE STUDY!! best of luck to you.
— franbvan
December 29, 2003
If I had a penny for every time I heard "you're not that big" I
would be rich, for starters, what is "that" big and also, how
much would they like for us to gain to be considered "that big"
anyway, everyone from my MO mother and MO mother-in-law to the
skinny-minnies who have never had to fight a pound in their life told me
about so and so that died and "dr. phil said..." and "I
heard on Oprah..." everyone has an opinion and none of them are truly
in your best interest even though they think they're doing you a favor.
Most people are very misinformed, but this is your body, your health, your
life you have to do what's best for you. You also have to keep in mind
that a lot of people are extremely jealous, I had a post-oper tell me
"skinny people hate this surgery" and I've had a body builder
tell me that I was taking "the easy way out" So, what I'm saying
is people will always know more than you and you'll never know what's right
for you, but they'll be sure to inform you!!! good luck and happy losing!!!
— SHILOH S.
December 29, 2003
Oh yes, I've had friendsopposed to it. Some worried about my health and
some for less desirable reasons...like, I'll be competition for them. No
she didn't say that to my face but just judging by what she said. I had 3
friends and an Aunt against it. One friend I was able to turn around by
having him come to one of my support group meetings. Another met a postie
and talked to them and it calmed her fears. The third friend came around
after surgery. My Aunt who was passivley against it recently told me she
thinks that I made the right decision. That was a great feeling. These
people caused me soooo much stress leading up to my surgery. I was in
tears several times and actually had to isolate myself from one of them
because I couldn't take the negativity. The thing is that I did my
research and I knew that this was what I wanted to do. NO ONE was going to
stop me, NO ONE. I had friends tell me the whole thing...you're not that
fat...maybe if you tried one more diet. I heard it all and I made up my
mind to do it, so I did. I wish you the best of luck through this. If
only our loved one's knew how much extra stress they put on us by just not
being supportive.
— Morna B.
December 29, 2003
I have to admit, I was one of those who was against this surgury when my
best friend told me she had had it done and felt great, my response was
girl I knew a girl that died from that surgury and is it really healthy?
Well after seeing how happy she was at having it done and how much greater
she looked at 8 months.....firls its worth it. She talked me into having
it and I, too, do not regret one moment of it. and I know that I was
mis-informed but this girl researched the lap band, which by the way is
reversible if you ever need to have it removed. ( Her concern was her mom
passed away from cancer and really did need her weight there at the end -
so that was the winning factor for her and me as well.
Hang in there and KNOW that it is well worth it to look and especially feel
better than ever before.
BJ
— Betty J.
December 29, 2003
<b>I heard those same words before I had my wls. I told them , So you
like me feeling awful everyday, you like when I struggle with my weight,
when I can't stand to long, or keep up with others, so you like when I
don't look nice in my clothes and I feel shame when I'm out around people.
so you like when I take pills or when I became diabetic and had to stick
myself every night.So you like when I cry to myself about being fat. It
goes on and on. I think they say this because of fear and not being
educated about wls, and they will be negitive about it. You do all your
research and as long as you feel you are ready. do what you feel is right.
no one can make this decision for you. But you. take care and hang in
there.</b>****
<b>open rny
400/229/-171 in 12 months</b>
— Naes Wls J.
December 30, 2003
It's nice that they worry but it's your life. The sure sign of an insecure
person is that they are unable to handle change. If they don't want you to
change for the better the problem is theirs, not yours to fix.
— mrsmyranow
December 30, 2003
I have a slightly different view... I found that my "female"
friends were downright jealous. In fact, my closest friend threw a fit
when she found out I had the surgery. I didn't tell her until after. I,
like many of you, didn't want any negativity, so I kept it to myself. It
was a decision that I made and wasn't about to change my mind.
I have been told all of my life that I have "such a pretty
face"... I cringed every time someone said it. I was whispered about
by family members when I gained weight or heard comments from my mom and
dad about how I would never find a husband if I didn't get the weight off,
because men generally don't like "fat" women. So, my response to
this is... "DO IT"... yes, do it for health reasons, but most of
all, do it for YOU. You're worth it!!!!
— Kim T.
December 30, 2003
I like Nadine's response below. Perhaps if you said some of the things
Nadine has said directly to your friends, they would have a whole different
viewpoint. If they too are obese, it could be fear that they are losing
their food buddy and if they are not obese, one one hand its a compliment
that they like you just the way you are, but on the other, they need to be
educated to what life, your life, is like in an obese body. Once you talk
to them about this, I can't imagine any close friend not being supportive.
And if not, then are they really a friend?
— Cindy R.
December 30, 2003
Take it like this...they don't understand the REAL motives behind the
surgery. They think its all cosmetic...that you're just unhappy being fat
because you look...well...fat. Explain to them that it isn't about looks
(well, not totally). Tell them about the health issues its causing and
that this is the only way you can feel physically well. Its great that
they like you as you are...but that this surgery won't change you (much),
just allow you a more active and healthy life.
— Renee B.
December 30, 2003
Several years ago when my best friend told me she was having WLS, I tried
to talk her out of it. WHY?? I had only heard the bad stuff about it and
was worried about her. Maybe thats whats going on with your friends. Lack
of know how about WLS. It can also be the green-eyed monster. I have lost
several "friends", some before surgery and some after when I lost
lost half of myself. And some women here at work say some of the meanest
things to me. (My fav was from a MO co-worker who told me that I was going
to H*LL for having surgery!) I dont know why people act like that but just
know you are not alone. If your friends dont want to or cant be there for
you thru "thick and thin" then they are not your true friends and
you deserve better. Good luck to you. ~Sidney~ Open RNY 10-23-02 and
under goal
— Siddy I.
December 31, 2003
In the end you have to make your own decisions. If they are legitimately
concerned for your well-being, they can certainly find out plenty of
information about WLS online to help them understand better. If they are
NOT . . . well, why would you want to listen to them
anyway???<p>And, Siddy, if somebody told me I was going to hell
because of WLS, I'd say, "See you there!" and walk off . . .
LOLOLOL
— ctyst
January 1, 2004
hi
i am not sure what your ageis or health promblems if there are any. i was
55 with losts of health promblems it has now been 18 mos all of my health
promblems are gone i am off all my medication, my main reason for the
surgery was that i was in bad health and that was why i wanted it so bad
plus my walking was getting bad my legs were hurting bad all of that is
gone now.
i would not listen to anyone that try to discourage me i knew my health was
in bad shape i was about 150lbs over weight now i am only 30 lbs away from
goal so you have to do what you know is good for you. good luck
— ROSEMARY A.
January 5, 2004
I had a ton of people try to tell me not to have the surgery. They told me
I didn't need it (I was a lightweight at 248 pounds). I heard that if I
dieted and exercised I would lose the weight. I finally told them I was
having the surgery. How many of them have ever walked a mile in my shoes
to know how I feel?? None of them. They then backed off. Now that I weigh
125 pounds, they understand why I did it and they tell me that they can't
even remember what I looked like fat but I sure look great now.
— Patty H.
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