Question:
What do you say to people who are not supportive?
What do you say to people who respond to your deicision with " You can get the same results with Diet and exercise" or your just to fat to do it the "right and natural way" — Jennifer L. (posted on August 7, 2001)
August 6, 2001
When I told anyone about my surgery , I would tell them If I cannot have
your support on this then I don't want to hear anything negative you have
to say, I am having the surgery so your opinion has nothing to do with my
decision. I would say all of that at once, once was enough. If perchance
someone would but in when it were none of there business I would tell them
that it is none of there business. Obese people are usually too aware of
how everyone else feels, and will hide there hurt away. When I decided to
have the surgery I had to take the "it's all about me" attitude.
If people don't care how I felt why should I worry about there feelings?
— Rose A.
August 6, 2001
My response for people who gave me a lot of nonsence
regarding my surgery was that I had tried this diet and
that (I named them off) I had tried Phen-Fen and because
insurance companies will not pay for diet medication and
I had tried all these difference mathods (diet,
medication exercise)I felt that it was in my best interest
to save my life and that meant going with WLS. I asked
people for their support and some I got, some I didn't.
What was amazing is once I got back to work and people
could see, they have been very supportive. So don't worry,
the people important to you will come around and the others
can kiss your most reduced tooshy !
— Debra L.
August 6, 2001
My best friend said I had a mental problem for even considering surgery,
and yeah I might loose the weight because I would vomit twice daily and be
miserable.
Well that was tough. But now I am a post op, down 30 pounds in just 2
weeks.Havent thrown up at all. That same friend is now happy and suppotive
of my efforts. He had us visit a common friend who is 400 pounds to show me
and my Lap incisions to encourage this guy to help himself. I was happy to
do that. So your biggest detractors might become your supporters. Do whats
best for YOU......
— bob-haller
August 6, 2001
I ran across only a few people that were not very supportive of my
decision. 2 of them have come around and now realize all that I have gone
thru to lose weight and they are fully supporting me now. The 3rd person
is still pooh-poohing it (mostly behind my back) so I have chosen not to
discuss it unless she specifically aske me something. I personally think
it is jealousy. She has also struggled with weight but not to the same
extend as I and therefore this surgery is not an option for her. Some
folks just don't get it that this is a health issue for me and I have tried
ALL the conventional methods of losing weight. It's a personal decision on
much info you want to put out there. Do what you feel comfortable with and
don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Good luck...
— Betty M.
August 6, 2001
I agree with a former poster, it's none of their business. You can go from
the technical standpoint - if it wasn't medically necissary insurance
wouldn't cover it... or from the standpoint "When you walk a mile in
my shoes, you can talk about what I do for myself" My whole family is
telling me to try to diet , but you know what... none of them are my
size... but worse yet, none of them are under a BMI of 40. "You try
it your way, I'll try it mine, let's see who lives longer"
— Elizabeth D.
August 6, 2001
I can't say anyone was against my having the surgery. My mother had gone
through this too, so I guess you could say she 'paved the emotional way' as
far as the rest of the family went. They saw that hers was a success and
really weren't concerned about my having it. On the other hand, when it
was time for my boyfriend to have his surgery done, my 'in-laws'(my
boyfriend's parents)were very leary of him having it. I can't say they were
against him doing it, they just didn't understand the way things went. Of
course everyone has 'that friend'that had the old stomach stapling that
failed, and they just don't understand why you would want to put yourself
through that when good old diet and exercise would work just as well. So
while he was having his surgery, his father asked me why he had to go and
do something so drastic, and I thought about it for a while and explained
to him that we were *very* overweight, (both the bf and I were over 300+
lbs..)and if we were to go the diet and exercise route, the amount we had
to lose was so much that it would take us *years* to lose all the excess
weight. We are in our mid 20s, and we knew that if we didn't do something
about the weight *now*, we would not have knees in 20 years. We wanted to
be able to live the rest of our youth in a healthy state. He seemed to
understand this. So I think you should get some information from this site
or from your doctor and educate your friends/relatives. It might take them
some time to come around, but if they truly care for you and see how damned
happy you are afterward, they'll be on the WLS bandwagon sooner than you
think :)) Good luck, and if you have any other questions, feel free to
email me :)
— jammie B.
August 6, 2001
You say absolutely nothing to people who say things like that.
They are full of misconceptions about morbid obesity and about
wls; there is nothing you can say that will change their minds.
"That's your opinion....it isn't mine"...should suffice.
Most of the people in my life were totally supportive of my decison,
whether they liked the idea of wls or not, they respected my choice.
Sadly, my two best friends (fat women, I'd known for over 20 years)
supported me initially, but, as I began to lose weight, their
attitudes changed. They became vehemently anti wls and pro fat
acceptance. We're no longer friends......
— [Anonymous]
August 7, 2001
I'm getting just old enough, and mean enough that I think to myself
"#$$#". (I won't write it). The basic idea is, I know I tried
everything, this was my last resort. Kiss off.
It's my body, you don't have to live in it, I do. It's none of your
business. Buzz off. ;)
— Danmark
August 7, 2001
I agree with two of the previous posts. For those who won't support you or
have negative things to say, ignore them. It is YOUR choice and YOUR life!
Non-supportive individuals are usually very uninformed, so you could try
enlightening them if you feel gaining their support is important enough to
you. Refer them to ObesityHelp.com and let them see what is happening. I
was very pleasantly surprised by all of the positive support I have
received since announcing my intent to have WLS. I'm sure there are some
who have had negative comments to make, but they have not been made to my
face and I seriously doubt that they will. I am a very independant person,
known for making sound decisions based on knowledge I have gathered by
doing the research. I am not easliy swayed by others opinions, whether
they be pro or con, unless that person is an expert, by profession or
experience, in the area I am researching. Be assertive and confident in
your decision to have WLS and the nonsupportive people will crawl back
under their rocks where they belong. Then, once you have begun to lose
your excess weight and get healthy, you will be a walking testimony for
WLS.
— Susan M.
August 7, 2001
Never argue with an ignorant person. You will only be brought down to
their level and then beaten up by experience.
— K T.
August 7, 2001
I have found that relatives and friends need the "fat friend" so
that their own lives feel better ..so when your determination to lose
weight is seen their own balance is at risk and that is when their support
is not given ... but lets face it they don't walk in your shoes ..BE WHO
YOU WANT TO BE .. then if they aren't there they weren't much of a friend
or relative for that matter !!!!
— SONIA D.
August 7, 2001
I'd say "If that would have worked for me, I would already be
thin." This is deemed a 'medically necessary' surgery, it is not
cosmetic, it is for my health. And, I'd appreciate some positive
reinforcement from my friends. If you cannot be positive for me, then I'd
appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about this with me in the future.
Thanks!" And, if someone asks a nosy question that you don't want to
answer, the best response is usually, "Why do you want to know?"
This will set most people back and forces them to realize they are being
nosy.
— Cindy H.
August 7, 2001
I didn't waste my breath trying to explain my decision to have surgery to
unsupportive people. I just said "It was a difficult decision for me
to make. If you can't be supportive, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say
anything at all about it."
— Cathy D.
August 7, 2001
Right before my surgery, I got so sick of the looks and the negative
comments, I got a little immature about it and if anyone said anything
negative, I told them to bite me.
— Tracy C.
August 7, 2001
When a few people have been negative to me, my only response has been
"I'm sorry you feel that way, and I'm sure if you knew more about
the surgery and the problems I've had because I'm fat, you'd be supportive
of me. But there's really nothing else to discuss now." I am quiet
and firm and then we just don't talk about it anymore. I don't NEED their
negative energy!
— Julia M.
August 7, 2001
Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person!
— [Anonymous]
August 7, 2001
I am still pre-op and am experiencing the same dilema. I haven't even told
some of my family members about my decision. I figure I'll wait until my
date is set. For the others, I tell them to say what they want to say (all
the negative stuff about the surgery,get it all off their chest now..things
like "just watch what you eat and exercise more, etc.) then I say,
thank you, I've listened to what you have to say and have considered it,
but now, please accept my decision and say no more. Be strong. Only you
know what's best for you. I hope I can stick to my own advice.
— Kelley S.
August 7, 2001
Ha! Tracy! "Bite me!" You are a scream! But seriously, it's
hard to say "bite me" at certain venues (church!). What I cite
are the statistics. "Only 1% of morbidly obese people can reach their
goal weight *and keep it off* over time. The success rate with WLS is 80 -
85% of MOs keeping it off over time. I'm not a gambler... I'll go with the
good odds." If they say "it's the easy way out" I say,
"There is no easy way out." I am SO SICK to death of bigots
(that's what they are) declaring their personal theories and solutions to
obesity. Some of these opinions have been boiled down into trite sayings
such as "It's not what you're eating; it's what's eating you!"
(Translation: you're a head case) or "You only need one exercise...
pushing yourself away from the table!" My husband (who really is
wonderful) has one irritating line: "Reach for your mate, not for
your plate." (I'll reach for the plate and throw it at my MATE!)
What happens as you age (I'm 41) is that with every passing day, I care
less and less what other people think. When someone says something off the
wall like this, I look at them like they just sprouted another head, laugh
uproariously, and walk away. If you need a good slam, though, for polite
venues (no swearing), here's one. When someone says something profoundly
insulting, you can say, "You know, those very words would hurt
tremendously if they had been said by someone I respect." Then
mutter "Piss up a rope" under your breath and walk away.
— Nancy G.
August 7, 2001
anyone who thinks having surgery is the "easy way out" is just
nuts. If we could lose weight and have a reasonable chance of keeping it
off do you think we would opt for someone cutting us open and messing with
our internal organs? Even though I am an adult, (32 yrs old) my parents
are not being very supportive (I would like to have thier support), and
surprizingly the most supportive person in my family about me having wls is
my sis-in-law, who is all of 110 lbs. But I have seen people who don't
understand, and say the things you mentioned above when 3 yrs ago a friend
of mine had wls. Because of that I don't know if I will tell people
outside of my immeditate family about my wls.
— [Anonymous]
August 7, 2001
Unfortunately I ran into one of these JERKS while trying to get approved.
He is a pulmonary doctor and I needed his approval. He was uninformed and I
ripped on him a bit as to his doing a disservice to his patients. I am
waiting till I have lost most of the weight and going to see him again and
tell him the good surgery has done for me. I will pay for the office visit
out of pocket if need be to hopefully change his mind and perhaps save the
lives of others he spreads his disinformation too.
— bob-haller
August 7, 2001
I had two words for them... but I can't share them here... It's a family
site :)
— California J.
August 7, 2001
I had two words for them... but I can't share them here... It's a family
site :)
— California J.
August 7, 2001
I have to say I must be really really lucky. So far no one not my family,
not my co-workers, not my boss, not even one of my friends has said
anything to discourage me. They have all been with around me my whole life
as a heavy person so I think they all know how I have tried and when and
what. And I think they somehow know I have made this decision and I am
comfortable with it so they do not look down on me. I will however
sometime in the future come across someone who is negitive and when I do, I
will just not discuss my choice. They have their opinion and I have the
right opinion based on me. Good Luck to us all in all the different view
points we come across..God Bless...^j^
— Kimberly L.
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