Question:
How do I admit to others I am going to have Lap surg? I am very self conscouse that I
am having it done. I guess I am admitting I am obese. I know they see it, but I haven't.(my weight) How do I let go? has any one felt this way? I never thougth it was a problem or rather I have been in denial for so long.... — Mickey M. (posted on September 29, 2003)
September 29, 2003
I was having the same problem with some of my co workers who have made many
nasty, negative comments about " those lazy, unmotivated people"
who take the easy way out. Several times I was ready to say " well,
it's like this..." but,didn't want to deal with all the negative
comments. I respond with " it's a personal decision and people need
to do what they need to do" The people I have chosen to tell have
been very supportive and encouraging. My surgery is scheduled for Oct.
24th ( YEAH !! ) and most of the people I work with have no idea and won't
until the last minute. I need to remain positive and in the right frame of
mind and I refuse to let the negative folks drag me down with them. If you
want to "chat" more about this, e mail me. Bottom line is, this
is your decision and hopefully, you are doing this for yourself and no one
else. Hope this helps.
— Deb S.
September 29, 2003
Hey Jeanette, you're going to get many many posts to this questions. The
majority of the people are going to say you should tell everyone
"Shout it from the Roof Top" and not to be ashamed. This happens
everytime someone posts a question like this. I for one don't buy into
this concept. First let me say I am not ashamed, but I do not feel the
need to "Shout it from the Roof Top" either. Like Deb the other
poster, I have not told anyone at my office. I am almost 7 months post op
and have told exactly 2 people. One being a friend the other being my
sister. Things have worked out well for me, I do not foresee anyone else
being told. It is my choice and has turned out to be a good one. Debbie
in Southern Indiana
— D L.
September 29, 2003
I'm not sure you need to tell anyone other than those who would be
responsible for your care in an emergency. What other surgical procedure
would you feel the need to explain to everyone? You are allowed (and I'd
encourage you) to have boundaries about what you consider private and what
you'd consider public information. Now, having said that, if you think it's
a good idea for any reason to share this (being an ambassador for wls,
getting support from those likely to provide it, facing your fears,
whatever), then by all means do so. The point is that it's about YOU, so
the decision about whether to shout it out or stay silent is -- in my
opinion -- YOURS alone. (As for me, I only told my best friend and my
husband. The others, I told I was "eating a low-fat, low-carb diet and
exercising a lot" -- all true!)
— Biking O.
September 29, 2003
My Mom, hubby and best friend will know. That is IT. As for work, it'll
be "abdominal surgery" and that's that. If they are bright
enough to figure it out, great, but I'm not saying a WORD. Maybe
someday...I'm just a very private person.
— [Deactivated Member]
September 29, 2003
it really hurts me that some people feel that they HAVE to tell people if
they ask out of guilty or being dishonest. and if they don't tell people
they feel that they are lying. your medical information is your own and
private.you don't have to share it with anyone and it is nobody's business
to know unless you want to make it their's. not telling people doesn't mean
you are ashamed of having wls....it means you want your personal info kept
to yourself.
— franbvan
September 29, 2003
Well you can tell people whatever you want but theres no hiding a 100 pound
fast loss. People will suspect you have cancer AIDS or other dreaded
disease. Gossip is based on speculation. I told everyone and that has
helped others get surgery and save their lives.
— bob-haller
September 29, 2003
The only people who know I had WLS surgery are my husband and oldest
daughter.I feel it's a personal choice,if and who you want to tell.You
don't have to lie,just tell the nosey ones who do ask that you've had
abdominal surgery.
Just because you don't go into detail doesn't mean you're lying!I've lost
30 pounds so far and nobody has asked if I'm dying of cancer.
— Gussie
September 29, 2003
I have had a couple people ask me hows your chemo coming? Thats when i went
out of my way to tell everyone! The fact they havent asked about cancer or
WLS for that matter doesnt mean they dont suspect it. My PCP says they have
never had anyone loose 100 pounds and keep it off. How many people do YOU
know that loose like post ops do? No one I ave ever known other than people
seriously ill with cancer. For anyone who might be ashamed of WLS they
shouldnt be. Its a medical rocedure to save our lives and frankly takes a
lot of guts to do.
— bob-haller
September 29, 2003
First off..anyone who sees you eat (while you can still eat tiny portions:)
KNOWS you had WLS. No normal stomach/body can survive on what we eat
immediately post op. But who cares? I know everyone is different, but for
me, I would have broadcast it on the national news. You know why? Because
if the girls here in my town had kept their 'secret' about how they lost
weight, I might never had found out about RNY that gave me my life back.
Personally I feel that it is my duty to spread the word to anyone who is
interested. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who wants to have
surgery but doesnt know where to start. WE are the key. THIS SITE is the
key. Of course, you dont have to tell anyone if you dont want to. Its
funny, really...you'd never ask someone out of the blue "So, what do
you take for your skin problem??" but people dont feel that way about
obesity, they'll ask you straight out. I think it's because they WANT the
knowledge. If I can help one person find the way to reclaim his/her life I
feel like I've done my part to thank God for helping me find this surgery
and getting me through safely. Just my 2 lbs worth of thought:) Take them
PLEASE!
— kathy B.
September 29, 2003
I think you hit a nerve when you said that having surgery is finally
admitting you are obese. I was a lightweight, so I know where you are
coming from. I also work for the insurance company that paid for my
surgery. Our office is small, and there was no hiding the fact that I was
having weight loss surgery. I happen to work with a great bunch of folks
who have been very supportive. In fact, customer service transfers calls
from members to me if they call about WLS! I am happy to talk about it, and
have even had some post op patients call for support and with questions! I
think it is a great opportunity to direct them to the support group
meetings in the area. It was hard at first - I really didn't want to talk
about it, but I had no choice, really. I have no porblem with it at all
now. My attitude changed a lot after I had surgery and lost enough weight
that people noticed.
— koogy
September 30, 2003
The pittsburg post gazette did a story on WLS after I called them.
Attendance at support grou meetings increased and my surgeon said how that
story helped so many. I have had perfect strangers come up to me in malls
and such saying your the guy in the paper. Then they thank me for helping
saved their life! They never attended a meeting and I had no idea they used
to be MO! This has rewards, helping others...
— bob-haller
September 30, 2003
I think the decision to tell or not to tell is very personal and the
reasoning behind it different for almost everyone. I am still preop and at
first I thought I would not tell very many people. That has definitely
changed. There are a select few who I will not tell until I'm postop, but
most of my family and coworkers know. I decided to tell my coworkers
because I have a very physical job and they will need to plan ahead for the
time that I am gone and the first few weeks when I am back. I told my
family mainly because they were getting really curious about the questions
that I asked them when I was compiling my family medical history (everyone
is obese with comorbidities). Virtually everyone has been extremely
supportive. I couldn't ask for more support. But the decision has to be
yours and based upon what you are comfortable with.
— ssundlee
September 30, 2003
All I can tell you is how I plan to handle this situation when my surgery
comes up. I'm not telling anyone before surgery because there are so many
stages to WLS and I could be told that I CAN"T have it for some
reason. So, the day before surgery I am going to e-mail those I choose to
tell and attach a more detailed discription of the surgery so that nothing
is misunderstood about it. I don't want to have to describe everything to
everyone. At the end of the e-mail I am going to ask for their
understanding and, if they have anything negative to say about it..I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR IT!! Good luck..MJ
— Mary Jane C.
September 30, 2003
First
There is no reason to admit you're obease like its some kind of a
sin...That is, admit it to anyone else. You have to accept that fact that
you are like you are and that finally you are going to do something about
it. There is no reason to feel bad about it or guilty. Weight happens.
Some people (like myself) can look at a chip and gain ten pounds, while
otheres (like my husband) can eat a gallon of icecream and not gain an
ounce. Sure, some of us do do this to ourselves with over eatting.
Hey...that's life. Food is an addiction for some. Nothing to feel guilty
about. People are respected for joining AA to quit drinking, while those
who join OEA (overeaters anaoymous) are chastised for allowing themselves
to get that big. Its insane.
My point...SIMPLE...You only need to admit it to yourself in order to get
help.
Second
Maybe its just me...but I don't think the surgery is anyone's business.
With the exception of my mom and husband...No one else needs to know. And
as far as admitting your obease...why do you have to admit it to anyone
else but yourself and your doctor? NO ONE and I mean NO ONE else on earth
has the right to tell you that you are obease...no one needs to hear you
admit it except yourself and your doctor. I know people look at me and see
a fat woman. I know I am fat. Quite frankly...I wouldn't be having this
surgery if it weren't a health issue. Sorry to rant here...but again, why
do you have to tell anyone?
— Renee B.
September 30, 2003
Jeannette, it is your decision whether to tell or whom to tell. You do not
have to share with anyone. Keep in mind though if you work at a small
office or even a large one, if you tell even one person, then others will
know. Its just the way it is. I did not tell anyone other than hubby and
sister before surgery, then shared with parents/few close friends at about
the 4 mo post-op timeframe. At work, no one, as that is my private
business. When asked how did I lose weight, I tell the truth, small and
frequent meals, more exercise, more protein and more water. There are
those who want to shout it from the roofs, and that is their perogative,
and others of us that prefer not to do so. I lend my support here on the
boards and in support groups, but do not feel the need to do more.
— Cindy R.
September 30, 2003
It's funny how absorbed we get into our world of weight loss surgery and
quickly assume that 'everyone' knows that if we are eating small portions,
everyone will know we had WLS. NOT so. I was at a party recently when a
guest told me how good I looked after not seeing her for about a year. I
told her I had WLS and she said, "Oh! That's when they suck out all
the fat from your body, right?" Well, no, not exactly, missy. My point
is that while it's the center of our world, it's not the center of everyone
else's. You are making a medical decision that is your business - no one
else's. You shouldn't feel guilty or obligated to tell anyone. Would you
feel the need to tell people or feel ashamed for having a D&C or an
appendectomy or chemo? Good luck to you.
— Yolanda J.
September 30, 2003
You do not have to tell anyone at all. I personally feel that I want
everyone to know because I don't want to perpetuate the same old notion
that one just needs to try harder to push away from the table ala Dr. Phil
to lose large amounts of weight. Everyone is different, this surgery is
the only approved way to possibly short circuit hunger hormones etc. (that
are often a little out of whack in very large people). As for seeing
yourself without a problem, maybe your problems are just a little different
than many on this site. That's how it is with me. I love myself and my
body just the way it is- all 312lb of it. My reasons for surgery are not
to "be here for my kids" or to prevent some possible disease in
the future. I am a brave soul who wants to know a different side of life.
How can a person know they want to be thin if they've never even been close
to average sized? I want to know the possibilities for "me"
first hand. Anyway, maybe your body fat is not a problem for you. Maybe
it has nothing to do with denial. Maybe you have a totally different set of
issues than the majority. In other words... Just because you're planning a
change doesn't mean you are admitting to everyone else's problems. Of
course you can reveal or conceal as much of yourself to others as you
choose that's your perrogative!
— Soosan
September 30, 2003
I wasn't going to tell the world about my wls, but my oldest son spilled
the beans on surgery day to my mother in law who did feel the need to tell
every living reletive in the continental US. I did tell people at work,
and now I really wish I hadn't. Yes the attention is fun at first, but
there comes apoint you just want to get on w/ your life . When new people
start some people just feel the need to tell them I used to be huge and had
surgey. On one occasion a person was telling a new girl I had the surgery
and used to be really fat, "about the same size as you" (the new
girl.) Talk about wanting to sink into the floor me and the new girl both
did. of course every time there are new people it is a new round of
millions of questions. I don't mind so much if it is an over weight person
looking for a solution as a thin person who just has morbid curiosity. If I
had it all to do over again only my husband would know.
— **willow**
September 30, 2003
I too was very embarrassed that my weight had gotten to the point it did,
and it had "come to this." While I am very proud that I was brave
enough to have the surgery (and literally save my life) I don't know if I
would tell everyone. Not because I care what they think, but because they
think that the WLS is the only reason I lost the excess weight - they don't
want to hear about the daily exercise, the research and the therapy. I
don't go around telling strangers, but do what I can to help others who are
in the same situation I was in. Also, once you have the surgery, things are
so different... you are changing faster than you can keep up emotionally.
Try to take care of self-image problems, etc. beforehand, because the WLS
surgeons don't go anywhere near your head ;)
— kultgirl
September 30, 2003
Anyway...as I was saying...whenever people see you eating such TEENY
portions, they know you had surgery. OR you hate their food. I'd much
rather tell the truth (and I'm not saying you have to) than have people
speculate about why I'm losing weight so fast.
— kathy B.
September 30, 2003
First of all you don't have to felt self conscouse. I was where you are at
right know. I didn't realize I was overweight until I weighed 250 lbs from
150. I just woke up one day and really saw myself in the mirror. You don't
have to tell anyone. I would not tell anyone you would think would give you
any type of negative response. You might not be ready for a lecture on how
to lose weight ( like we haven't already tried them). Hold your head up
high. You are finally taking care of your own needs. Good luck!!!
— spring A.
September 30, 2003
Hi Jeannette, I found out that the more I discussed this surgery with my
family, friends and co-workers that it made me even more sure that I was
making the right decision. Also, it let me feel out the people around me
to see who would support me through out this change in my life and who
wouldn't. It also gave them time to be able to ask me questions about the
surgery and how they could help me through the transition. I have never
regretted telling anyone....I even told people that I didn't really know to
see their reaction. And because of doing this I have had such a tremendous
support group. And people can't believe the change in me in the last 8 1/2
months. I have lost 102 pounds.....started out at 278 and I'm down to
176....from size 24 womens jeans to size 12......and man am I
proud.....take care and best of luck to you in your journey. Sissy in WV
— Sissy I.
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