Question:
How do you handle a jealous situation?
I have a friend who is totally against me having WLS, but the problems is That I think shes jealous. She's overweight and I feel that she doesn't want me to have the surgery because she doesn't want to be left "big". I've known her for 15years and I don't want her to think I'm doing this to spite her. Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I figured that just ignoring her would work. Thanks! — Jennifer W. (posted on December 26, 2001)
December 25, 2001
I don\'t know how old you and your friend are, but there does come a time
in life when you should just go ahead and do what you want to in your life.
Just stop talking about it with her. Go ahead and be friends with her, but
go ahead with the surgery and don\'t discuss it with her unless she brings
it up. I think it\'s like having a baby. Go ahead if you want to, but
don\'t talk \"baby, baby, baby\" all day long with your
child-less gal friends. If your friends get jealous or petty, they should
just grow up! Best of luck to you!!!
— [Anonymous]
December 25, 2001
If she thinks you are having major surgery to spite her, boy does she think
a lot of herself! ;) Seriously, though, you have to do what\'s right for
you. It may not be the same thing as what is right for her. It is your life
and, friend or not, you can\'t base your decision on her feelings. This is
too big for that. I agree with the previous poster. Don\'t talk about it if
it bothers her, but if she brings it up tell her why you made the decision
you did and let that be that. If she can\'t get over it, maybe you should
let that friendship lie until after the surgery. Hopefully she\'s really a
friend and will find it in her heart to be supportive.
— ctyst
December 25, 2001
First do WHATS BEST FOR YOU! Your HEALTH is more important than ANY
friendship. Now once your a post op and loosing well be supportive if she
comes TO YOU for information about surgery for herself. The BEST friend you
can be is a GOOD EXAMPLE! She may decide to join you on the surgery choice
when things go good for you. In the mean time ask her to attend a support
group meeting with you. So far she has probably only HEARD of surgery, but
seeing all those post ops with their before photos might sway her opinion.
My best friend thought I was INSANE, HIS WORDS! for even considering it..
He now advocates surgery for his MO daughter, who is beginning to get
health problems from her weight. I feel bad for her, we dated on and off
for over 10 years, and she turned me down multiple times when I asked her
to marry me. Surgery would improve her life SO much. Now her dad &
brother both talk about me often and how well I am doing! I bumped into her
the other day and said she is tired of hearing about it! Now Sharon will be
getting reports on Jens progress! They are friends too. You MAY want to see
your friend get surgery too, but its a individual choice thing. Time MAY
fix it. I have had a couple MO friends drift away, but now at 5 months out
they are calling me again:) One is considering surgery. Time helps....
— bob-haller
December 26, 2001
I appreciate you alls help! I\'m 23 if wondering and I knew my friend since
I was 8. I\'ve told her I was thinking about this WLS and now I want it
done. She was very snappy when I was telling her about it. Of all people I
thought she\'ll understand. I even asked her to go with me to a seminar
about WLS and she flat out refused! Well I\'m going to take advice and not
tell her anything else untill the day of my surgery(hopefully by summer!!).
Thanks again for the help, and wish me luck! LOL!
— Jennifer W.
December 26, 2001
I had a best friend for 15 years who basically drifted away once I had this
surgery. It was always sort of like she was the pretty one and I was the
smart one. Once I lost alot of weight I think she felt intimidated even
though I never changed the way I acted or anything. Sometimes it\'s hard
for our friends to accept that we\'re willing to take whatever steps
necessary to improve our lives especially if they\'re not willing to take
steps to improve theirs. When we lose drastic amounts of weight I think it
forces our friends to take inventory of their own lives and situations. We
don\'t mean for that to happen but it seems to be the natural order of
things. The friendship I lost didn\'t die an awful death, it just sort of
faded away. Maybe someday it will start to grow again, who knows? Don\'t
let a pessimistic friend squelch your enthusiasm but also try to find a way
to respect her opinion if at all possible. It\'s a difficult balancing act
but one things for certain - you have to do what\'s right for you and no
one else. Sounds to me like you\'re on your way. Good luck to you!!
— ronascott
May 18, 2002
I used to have 2 girlfriends...or so I thought. We had a tight circle of
friends..me, my hubby, W&T, and N&J. W and N (my former
girlfriends - and W had the surgery the year before me) got really jealous
because I have lost half of me (down to about 175 now and look at least 10
years younger than previously). W only lost about 90 pounds with her
surgery, and she can't stand it because I have been pumping iron and
working out and i am a lot firmer and in better shape than she is. Anyway,
before i lost all this weight, i was the "safe, fat friend" and W
didn't care that her husband (a physician) and I were close friends (both
political junkies and puter geeks - totally innocent friendship). But
after I started looking so much better, W got really insecure, and N (who
is still a big girl) took W's side in accusing me and T of having an
affair! My husband and I are minus 4 friends now..well, really 2, because
T (W's husband) and J (N's husband) still call both me and hubby and we
talk all the time..just that the girls don't know it. But things will
never be normal again. I will never speak to them again, especially after
they wrote a LETTER to my HUSBAND accusing me of husband stealing!! I am
still madly in love/lust with my husband after 10 years together, and the
thought of doing T never crossed my mind! People told me this surgery would
show you who your real friends are..they sure were right. Sad, but true.
But I am still glad I did it because I FEEL GREAT! No more fat girl!
— Jeannie B.
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