Offically had breakdown!!
Ok so I am 6 days post op, and I have actually--besides from pain--been handling this fairly well. Until today. I was sitting at my parents house, feeling great! Suddenly I felt a pain in my left side....i said "OUCH".... my dad looked at me and in an asshole tone said..."well, you did this to yourself"
I lost it! I went off on him, "I realize I made a choice to better my life and live for way longer than expected when I was eating myself into a early grave. I would assume that you being my father would want me to live longer, and be happy. Dont you get that I know I chose to do this to myself, and its really hard for me right now mourning the loss of food, and watching all of you stuff your faces with the food that I once and still love!! Its really hard for me and I dont ask you to not eat in front of me, all I ask is that you be considerate and not try to force feed me something I cant have."
He said he was entitled to remind me that I did this to myself and they werent going to pitty me because I was sore.
I reminded him that my surgery MAJOR SURGERY was 6 days ago and considering I am not taking any pain meds currently i think im doing a wonderful job coping with myself. and that HE DIDNT HAVE TO OPEN HIS MOUTH, I didnt ask for his opinion. He didnt have to say anything. He could have just been quite. kept his opinion to himself and not made an ass of himself and really hurt my feelings.
Of course I started to boo hoo, telling him that I was having a hard time with watching everyone eat, and I know i did this to myself and I didnt expect anyone to change around me etc. I think I hurt myself more as i was gasping for breath in between tears.....
Thanks for letting me rant.
Anyway, my dad always used to say, "Tuck it away" when someone would hurt me. He meant don't hang onto it, but tuck it away in my mind so that hopefully this person would not be able to hurt me again in the same way. It sucks that it is your dad. I know we as their kids think that they should be our safe place and when they disappoint us so badly it hurts--especially when your stomach is cramping from too much gas while crying!! I'm not sure what he is trying to get at--maybe it is his way of reminding you that you did this to yourself so you better be damn good and sure that you use this tool for everything it is worth!
Of course I just went off on my husband today and screamed at him and cried and cussed at him, WHILE HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS DAD! Nice. But then as I was feeling like the psycho I thought, "Don't bring it and I won't have to bring it back sucker." I wasn't just screaming for sport--he hurt me and treated me unkindly and I was not having it.
Well, let's try to get through this flood of emotions together. Try your best to "tuck away" anything your dad says. Clearly you aren't going to change his mind, so as I always say, don't give them any ammo. Since it sounds like he is unwilling to bend, don't let him know he hurt you next time if he says something again. Hard I know, but this too shall pass.
Hang in there!
Denise
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
Sounds like this all just part of the process.
Steph
100+ pounds lost
Under 250 pounds (first time in decades)
Weigh less than husband for first time
Hang in there.
Denise
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
Denise,
You really are a sweetheart! Thanks for the words of wisdom!! I really appreciate it! As for the other board....I will not go to it anymore, those ladies can keep their opinions too for all I care....Everyone that has ever seen any post i have done knows I am not a mean person and for someone to say I am on crack....thats rude.
Once again, your a sweetheart!
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