Hello Marchers, need support.

Hi Marchers, I am having open RNY on 03/19/04, just 6 days away, and I feel like at this point that I may cancel surgery, one minute I am happy, the next I am sad to hear about people dying and having several complications after surgery, I do not want to die, I want to LIVE, with no complications, maybe I am worring about nothing, I do not know, I keep living each day, like is this the last Friday, Saturday, etc, that I will be here, having surgery is like a roller coster ride for me, up one minute and down the next, excited one minute, scared the next, any support would be appreciated, I really would like to hear from recent posp ops and their stories, thank you for you support. Tori

I sure can relate to these emotions right now, today I feel as though I am on crack!, so jumpy and nervous when someone walks up on me I wanna jump 3 ft high, so very deep in thought also then I was watching my lil one play in the hose today, with my twin girls and said to myself what would their lives be like if i died? it is so sad I know... but I pray every night that God has mercey on me and Hope he will bring me through this 100%, so your not alone, I think its normal to feel this way! I just have to keep the faith! I know in my heart all will be fine! God brought me to it...he shall bring me through it!!! Hugz Mary

The week before is the very, very hardest time. In a way, it is harder than the surgery and the recovery!!!! (I am almost 2 weeks post op.) Especially when you read the bios (and my surgery bio is blow by blow), it's very hard to envision how that REALLY FEELS. All the twinges or setbacks are VERY different in the context that the PROCEDURE IS OVER WITH. It is so, so great in your mind that it is over with. And many things that can sound hard when you're biting your nails, are just things to be gotten through. So, when you read stuff, it can freak you out, or cheer you up. If it freaks you out, remember it's not like when it is happening because you are looking at it BEFORE not AFTER. The weight that is off me is not just the physical weight -- and I believe that may be as much as 20 lbs., waiting to get on the scale at the doctor. It is the weight of having taken the step, at actually having a good shot of being free of this lifelong burden. All of the fear and preparation just means that you are taking this really, really seriously and you are sharp enough to really understand what is happening to you. I feel that everything I went through before means that much less that I get upset now. Kind of like pre-paying, you know? So you're just putting something away on account, right? Try to stay in the moment and not let your thoughts spiral. You only have to handle this moment and that is a good way to go through the procedure and anything vile that happens (in my case, some pain in my back and a kidney infection with vile oral antibiotics). But hey I went to a movie tonight and had a great time, I look around at the world and realize I can be part of it. Hang in there.

Tori, All this is perfectly normal...I had a quiet resolve right up until that morning. I entertained the thought for a few minutes of calling the whole thing off!! But down deep, I knew I had to do the surgery, I have to have both knees replaced and ortho-doc told me not to expect a good result from that surgery at my current weight. I'm 44, very young to be facing double knee replacement. I say that, to say this, we all have our LOGIC for having this surgery done. Most likely, several doctors, and an insurance company agreed with this logic. We are having this surgery to better our lives, to make our lives longer with a higher degree of quality. That being said, we are human...we have doubts...we are mortal...but there comes a time when you have to turn those fears over to God. He is the Master of Forever, and He knows the plan and purpose of your life. If He brought you to it, He'll get you through it!!! Happy thoughts, Va 11 Sunrises in NewPouch Offishal Paper Monkey and Secretary Extraordinaire My Angels ==> Whitney Lori My Angelettes ==> Whitney H & Lori A

Tori, Listen to my she always has the most informative things to say. I know that she always makes me feel better. Put your faith in God. You will get through it. Whitney Angels Lori and Va Angelettes Lori and Va (one down and one to go!!!) Less than two weeks for me Offishal Marcher Sunday School Teacher

Tori, I like Virginia was A-O****il I was down in the recovery room getting ready to be wheeled into surgery. It was then that I had the first thought of OMG, but it passed so quickly, I knew it was because everyone was praying for me and I just felt this calm come over me. What I can say for you is try not to dwell on all the negative. There are negative aspects of everything that you do honey, and if you dwell on those things then you bring them to light and make them possible. I told myself that I was gonna have the most uneventful surgery as possible and it has been for me. Half an hour after getting into my room I was asking if I could walk. If I didnt have this gas pain, I wouldnt even realize that I even had surgery!! Trust in God and in your Marchers sweetie because we will be praying for you!!! ~Nicole

Tori , I had my surgery 3/9/2004 had all the same ups and downs and even posted my feelings here and got the support from all the wonderful people here. Your feelings are natural. You have worked very hard to get to this point. When you wake up after your surgery it is like being reborn. I was so happy last tuesday when I woke up from the surgery. I grabbed my wife every chance I got and just hugged her or held her hand. Keep your spirits high, there are so many GOOD things that come from having this surgery that I feel they far out weigh the BAD things. When you are having your doubts just come here and post, your fellow Marchers will be here for you.

HI there, I am not post op yet, but after Monday, I will be just that! I backed out of this surgery almost a year and half ago because of the reasons you stated. I got scared. I thought, no, I can do this on my own... I have 3 kids and am a single mom. I didnt want to leave them alone. However, I didnt do it on my own, and I am still a big woman. I worry everyday now when I am at work, and my heart starts pounding from doing my daily job. Everytime I have to climb the stairs I am extremely winded when I get there. This surgery will help save me from dying. Yes, there are risks involved with this surgery, but the risk of being obese and living that way are far greater in my opinion than this surgery. Its a hard choice to make, and its a decision that only you can make yourself, for yourself. I hope you find the courage to persue your dream, and live life on the losing side. If you decide you cant go through with it, there is no one saying you cant schedule it again in a year from now or whatever. I just wanted to say, hang in there. Emotions run high as the time gets closer to your date! I havent been stressed at all, but this morning, I am starting to get a bit more nervous. Again, good luck with your decision. Take Care Lorrie

Tori, Hang in there. It's scary but the benefits outweigh the risks!!! Hugs, Mo doin' the 8 days and a wake up happy Mo dance

Tori, I have the same date as you do! Only I am having open Duodenal Switch. Boy, I sure know how you feel riding the emotional rollercoaster. I am afraid of dying, too, and I SOOOO relate to you. I am fighting a really bad cold, and do not want to have my surgery postponed because my sister is flying in on Thursday night, and my husband is taking a week's vacation for all this. I have been on diets for so long that I just want to sit down to ANYTHING I want and eat until I am full- sort of the last minute party. Tori, I will be thinking about you when I go in. We will have a new birthday because we get a second chance at life. Don't cancel... I will jump with ya! ***HUGZ*** Theresa Taylor