Hello there, Maureen!!!!

I hear the pain in your post, as I have often in the past, and I feel so badly for you.  You are such a wonderful, caring person who only wants the best for herself and her family and they do not seem to be able to connect with you, nor you with them, for whatever reasons.

I don't know any of the parties involved but I DO recognize toxic relationships when I see them and you've got them.  They know exactly what buttons to push and they are slamming them.  You are drowning, my dear, in a sea of negativity and despair that is being created by your environment.  I KNOW that you know how to swim, so, put your swimsuit on, as hard as that may be, and swim beyond this pool of darkness, Sweetie.  You need to leave.  You need to recover.  You need to find you and surround yourself with people who appreciate you.  It is time to stop trying to fix everything around you hoping that you will get fixed in the process.  Let it go.  Concentrate on just staying in your own sandbox and healing Maureen.  If a situation crops up, think about "is it mine to fix?"  "Do I have any real responsibility here or is this someone else's problem to deal with?"  Pray for those who have issues with you and those you have issues with.  Resentments seem to disappear when we change our perceptions of those who hurt us as sick people and pray daily for them for two weeks.  I learned that in AA and it works.  Be selfish, Maureen.  It is time to take care of Maureen before you drown.  Your family will figure "it" out.  Give yourself permission to grow wings if that is what you need to fly because you ARE worth it.  Their negativity is THEIR problem, not yours.  They have a right to feel their feelings but so do you.  Let them feel their resentments; they will anyway.  But you do NOT have to tolerate abuse.  You are way too precious for that and have way too much worth to this world to let these people suffocate your spirit.

There are those on this site who will disagree with me, but I am taking a chance by saying, "Fly, Maureen, fly"....and when you are soaring you will be so glad you did.  It just takes courage.  We're here for you whatever you decide.

Hugs and More Hugs,
Karen

Hey Judy, Staying away from the sugar & the bad carbs is a very good thing. It will all
catch up soon. Don;t worry so much on the weight loss as to getting healthier & staying
that way. We all know what those bad carbs do to us & the sugar is a killer for me.
I wish I had never started eating it at 3 yrs out. I have cut way back, but, not stopped it
& I know is my downfall.
Hang tough!!

good morning judy, hope your south beach diet is doing great!
i just cheated and had 3 egg whites instead of only 2! what surprised me was that i was able to eat the whole thing i added broccoli, onions and cheese. i've given up my whole wheat bread for special occasions only. my edocronalogist says its useless calories eat more eggs. so maybe its not a cheat?
lets see how it holds me!
i need some good carbs so the low sugar fruits i eat are better for me than the wheat bread. i get tons of fiber from them plus i also add ground flax seed to my eggs. its yummy. it is also an acquired taste. I do not recommend anyone thinking O that sounds good then taste it and gag! but i have grown to realy like it and miss it when i'm out. flax seed is very good for all of us. it helps us with going you know what! plus theres all kinds of good stuff in it for the rest of our bodies. i'm converted.
today i'm pulling up my old carpet in my living room in preperation of the new wood flooring that will be installed. this carpet is sooooo nasty! i can't wait until its gone. then i need to pack things for my trip to take care of mom this week. sister is in another golf tournamnet - she's very good - and i will get the one on one with mom.
i have a ton of laundry and cleaning to do to get ready and a going away party tonight for a girls first year to college. long ways from home. the mother is having a hard time adjusting to her only child leaving the nest. they are very close.
i'm feeling pretty darn good. the thjyroid medicine is amazing. i didn't thnk i would feel this big a difference. its like my personality is coming back and a dark cloud is slowly lifting.i never knew that thyroid could contribute to the feelings i've had. between that and the LBS its been a roller coaster.
it will be a year in september that the LBS kicked up big time.
I've made it through this summer wihtout too much depression of my size. then i look around and see that i'm now normal sized. for a brief time i was small. ahhhhhh andnow i have something wonderful to remember! but im still not big i'm normal!\
YEAH FOR NORMAL!

Hi Pam, to be celebrated is a beautiful thing. I was remembering how my Sophie (my collie that I lost 2 years ago) used to bound to my car every time I came home from work; and then she'd start dancing and singing her delight to see me again - literally, she'd throw back her head and howl and then I would join her and we'd both be howling in my driveway until we were spent and then we'd wrap up in each other's arms and embrace - she celebrated me. I know she was just a dog - but life is so short, we must celebrate our existence and give to this world what we can, what we are able.  I know my family loves me but they take me for granted and when we all hurt, we have to get rid of the pain so we hurt each other. My husband has never been very good at taking care of our relationship. He just doesn't know how to do that. My son is full of rage and he takes it out on me. My daughter just wants her own life and she is terrified of becoming anything like me - married, settled down with kids and a job that means nothing to me. She's terrified that this is what is going to happen to her. So she has to keep me at a distance to protect herself from becoming like me. I told her life is short and if I can't have a meaningful relationship with her now while I'm alive, I don't want her crying over my dying (or dead) body when I go - I don't want her there. I just feel so used up, like I just don't have it in me to get up and keep going. But I will. I will remember Sophie and how we thanked the Heavens for each other and keep going today. You are a beautiful lady. God bless everyone today - Maureen

I just sent you an e-mail, I hope it went through!! Let me know if you get it. Judy