What my MIL told me!!!

I'm mostly a lurker and not very often a poster but I just can't hold this in any longer.  My DH and I have been living together off and on for quite a while now during our ten years of marriage.  No marriage problems, just lots of travel through both of our jobs - mine especially.  I can be gone anywhere from 4-6 weeks at a time.  Anyhow, we made a decision a while ago that we would give up our house and that DH would live with his parents since he travels as much as I do and that we would use corporate housing when I was back in L.A. or I would stay with him or he would come to me depending on where in California he was working at the time.  I'd stay with him when he's at home, but me and the MIL don't get along.  DH and I talk and text every single day and there appeared to be nothing wrong.  Lots of "I love you" and "I miss you" texts and more of the same lovey-dovey stuff on the phone.  Things seemed normal - I was going to be home in time for Thanksgiving and DH was going to pick me up at LAX.

I phoned DH a couple of days ago to talk to him give him my confirmed flight information.  My MIL answers the phone and tells me that he's sick and that he can't come to the phone.  OK, the flu is going around so I ask her if he's OK and before I can tell her that I will call him later my darling MIL says to me:  "Why are you calling here?  Charles isn't in love with you anymore.  He's been seeing someone else and he wants a divorce.  Don't come here for Thanksgiving.  He told you last Tuesday that he wanted a divorce!"  I was gobsmacked!  Total shock, I can't cry, I can't speak - nothing.  I am absolutely numb.  The only thing he said to me last Tuesday - and every day after that - was "I love you honey, I can't wait until you're home."  My colleagues told me that I turned about as white as they'd ever seen someone someone turn.  Try going back into a meeting and negotiating a contract after that!  It ain't easy kids!!!!  I told my colleagues that my cat died hence the shocked expression and the white as a ghost look.  I was not, and have not told anyone that my MIL told me I was being cheated on and getting a divorce.  You people on OH are the first!

I call DH's iPhone - all I get is the voice mail.  I send him texts - no reply.   About an hour later I get a voice mail from my MIL apologizing to me saying that she lied because she was angry.  Hubby isn't seeing anyone - she just said all that because I am away too much.  WTF?!?!?!?!?  It's none of her ******g business how much I travel for work.  DH knew how much I traveled for work before we got married - and he was OK with it since his job involves travel too!  I finally get to talk to DH and he tells me that his mother was "confused" and that she didn't know what she was talking about.  At this point I don't believe him or her.  He calls and texts every day telling me he doesn't want a divorce, he's not cheating and that he loves me, blah, blah, blah.  He says he can't wait for me to come home for Thanksgiving and that his mother is really sorry.  Blah, blah, blah.  I just realized that I married a momma's boy and that there are three people in this marriage - me, DH and his mother!

So, who's the liar?  My DH or my MIL or are they both full of ****

Thanks for letting me vent people of OH.

I am so sorry!!!!

My humble opinion is DUMP HIS ASS!!!  He should have cowboyed up asap and didn't.  I would never step foot in his mommy's house again. 

Travel is hard and so is weightloss!!  Begin a new with a real human that cares 100%, not a mommys boy!!!

Change your phone number!!!  No point in gaining weight and losing your self esteem over him!

Man!  That's a trip!  His mother is a .....     What do you feel?   Do you have any hunches?   

I had a similar experience a couple years ago but it wasn't the MIL, it was my husbands best friend.  And he was supposed to have been cheating with his ex-wife.  (We been married 16 years now)    I just didn't  believe it.  Had he been accused of being with someone else it might have gone over but the ex wife was really not the one.

He traveled 4 nights a week so he would have had a perfect opportunity but I have just honestly never seen anything that would make me think he cheated on me with her or anyone else.

You MIL is a trip.  She's probably a mess and unhappy and wants you that way too.

Wow you want my dil's and son's to add to your misery???  I am glad my MIL lives 2,000 miles from me and I do not have to even deal with "his" family....hard enough my with my immature family.

I am telling you...as hard as this is right now....don't make any kind of rash decisions until you come home. Your husband is how old? Tell him to grow the "F" up too and stop being such a moma's boy.

I would be outraged if my MIL did that to me....oh wait a minute....I married her only son and I was fat, divorced with kids...how is that as a F.Y. to her? Hehehehehehehe I really did ruin her concept of what she thought her son should marry!!!

I know I am being a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatch, but I do it so well!

Words on text serious can be misconstrued...so wait until you get back home to him and talk in person! I do sincerely wish you the best!

Regarding your MIL and her actions...WOW is all I can honestly say.  I know for me I would want a verbal from her mouth to my face or via phone NOT a voice mail apology from her NOW right now OR I would NOT be going to her house for Thanksgiving, period.

Now regarding your husband, I have no idea if he's lying now, but he never said that to you.  I'm sure he would have been just as dumbfounded to find out that's what his mom said.  Does it make him a momma's boy?  I mean I guess he did tell her to call and apologize.  I don't know about the "confused" thing, but whatever is or isn't going on you need to sit down and talk to your husband and in no uncertain terms tell him what you do and do NOT expect from his mother AND what you will and will not tolerate.

Good luck to you.

Ms Shell

Well I'm never been married but I have stayed at a Holiday Inn...

I think it might be time to put some space between your MIL and your husband. But I also think something not right?? Does that show Cheaters still come on?? Maybe hire a PI??

Good Luck!!

As all will tell you, that I am never speechless about anything, but you got me here.  I know that if I was in your situation, Kevins idea of a PI is probably the best bet to find out one way or another.  Also, I would probably plan on NOT spending Thanksgiving with your MIL, if your DH would like to spend it with you then make other arrangements, but I would not be at her house no matter what.

I was very fortunate to have a great mother in law, whom I miss very much.  She was a great mom, and my husband was a mama's boy too, but yet, when he married me, he married me, and she knew her place.

Good luck, and I am so sorry that you are going through this.  We are here for you anytime.

Wishing you the very best,
Diane

I don't usually respond to things on the board, but your story is just too tragic not to say something to you.

First, don't make any rash decisions until you can sit with your husband face to face.  You have a couple of issues here.  Let's start with the easier one, your MIL.  She's made it clear she does not want you around for Thanksgiving so make other arrangements for yourself that day.  Do not stay at her house.  Do not go there for Thanksgiving.  Do you have a place to stay when you get into town for the holiday? Perhaps that corporate apartment or a friend or one of your family members? Let your husband know where you will be and tell him if he wants to see you and talk, then he can come to you.

In the bigger picture, however, your MIL would not have said what she said unless there was some truth to it.  Obviously your husband doesn't want to deal with this over the phone or through texting and that is a good thing. This is not something to deal with over the phone.  You need a face to face meeting.  Your MIL could not have just come up with that story on the spur of the moment.  I believe you know that, but obviously you love your husband and don't want to think ill of him.  Frankly, I smell a rat here and I'm thinking it's your husband.  He's playing his mother, he's playing you and he's playing whoever it is that he may be seeing.

Do yourself a favor and try to stay calm and above all else, look out for yourself.  You must be #1 here.  Not your husband and certainly not his mother. Frankly, if you don't get the truth from your husband and you can afford it, hire that PI as Kevin said.  The truth can be very painful.  Lies are moreso.

I hope this all straightens out for you. 

Stephanie

RUN LIKE HELL!!

I am so sorry - these situations are never good. My MIL is a pain but she would never hurt me in that manner. Sounds like DH is the one who is confused. MIL has probably already met the other woman (if there turns out to be one).
What is more important than what has happened is what you do for yourself. Do not let this crush you. Maintain your self esteem and focus on yourself.  You have done nothing wrong. Repeat that as your mantra. It sounds like you would be better away from this family - that will be hard esp since you love DH. You have to decide if you are better with him or without him.
Please always reach out for support and whatever your decision - it is your business not ours.
Lori G
Porterville, Ca.