OT - What are your thoughts on family size?

I would really like to hear your thoughts on how you decided the size of your family. I talked about this a little bit already with bookfaerie yesterday and found her reply very interesting. 

I know that it is a very personal issue but I still would like to hear your reasoning.

Also, are you an older parent and wish you had more children?

Thank you so much in advance for your input!

, Jules

Well, I think most people have a 'number' or ballpark in their head. Mine was 4. Ended up with surprise twins on the first try and knew in my heart that I would have more children, hubby felt the same way. I really wanted twins again bc hubby said 3 was enough and that would be the only way I got my 4. Now I think my 3 is perfect. I think people underestimate how expensive children are and it gets worse, the older they get. lol. I think most people know in their heart when their family is 'complete'.

 I think I would've loved to have twins, although I'm sure that most people think that and don't actually realize how much work having twins would be!

Anyway, I wish I knew in my heart if I was done. I've never been so conflicted in my life about anything.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Jules

I personally LOVE a big family.  I have 4 kiddos, but 2 separate families (first 2 same dad, second 2 same dad).  I love the spacing of about 2 years apart and I think an even number is great because no one is left out as the odd one.  I grew up in a family of 3 and we were all more than 4 years apart.  We never had things in common at the same time; it made for difficult family vacations and outings in my opinion.

I had my first 2 kids young at 21 and 23.  My second 2 were when I was 31 and 33.  There were pluses to having kids young, but also to having my last kids when I was a bit older.

I would have LOVED more children, but feel if I had just one more, that would put me at an odd number and would have felt overwhelmed and too old for 6 kids at this time in my life.  We would LOVE to adopt a child or two with Down syndrome from Eastern Europe (Reecesrainbow.com) in the next few years God willing....

My kids are 15, 13, 6 and 4 (All girls until my final perfect son with Down syndrome).

I, too, grew up in a family of 3 children, all four years apart. I am not really that close to my brother or sister. 

My oldest is 7, my youngest is 3. If I were to have another child, it would most likely be the same spacing.

With so many children, is it total chaos at your house? Are you one who enjoys a busy life like that? Not me, I'm one who enjoys staying at home and I shy away from extra-curricular activities (although I am getting better about this.)

I appreciate your thoughts, thank you.

Jules

Jules,

Do I enjoy a busy life?  Good question....I think that I am an active person who always has something going on, whether it be a project (or 10) at home or getting another college degree, kids in sports, church activites, etc.  But I like nothing more than to be at home with my hubby and kids watching a movie together.

I was a single mom with my first 2 and never had their dad around to help; I think I learned early on to do everything alone, so adding 2 more to the mix was nothing with 2 more hands to help.  I took my oldest daughters to Wisconsin Dells alone and camped at Jelly Stone park when they were 2 and 4.  I have always been independant and strong willed and I would be damned if being alone meant my girls wouldn't have every opportunity.

I didn't do tons of the "extras" like pushing dance, gymnastics, etc, but if my girls showed an interest, they were given an opportunity to try any activities they wanted.  I found low cost alternatives to "dance class" and they attended after school dance classes offered through the district (much more affordable and fit well into my schedule).  My oldest plays high school basketball and my 8th grader enjoys volleyball.

t I have managed nursing school (maintaining A grades) and handling a busy family including 2 teen girls (ugh, need I say more...) a mouthy artistic 6 yr old daughter who is attached to me at all waking moments, and my special, special needs 4 yr old son, and still enjoying life to the fullest.

I was never blessed to FEEL done or complete.  My age and needing the DS sugery along with returning to school for my RN degree made the decision for me.  I have decided to go into Labor and Delivery and perinatal to get my "fix" of new babies, without having to add to my family right now.

Follow your heart....it won't lead you wrong, IMHO.

Blessings,
Mindi

 DH and I have always been on the same wavelength about this.  I was an only child ****il I found my bio family at age 30 and found out I have siblings), and he was one of two children.  I was SO bored as an only, and always wanted to make sure my children had a sibling.  He loved having a brother, it kept him busy, they minded each other a bit, built the camaraderie, ect.  

DH and I are also big believers in a "man-to-man defense" so we knew we didn't want more children than 2.  We figured they would take over... haha!  

Also for us, it is a financial consideration.  We decided when we had children that we wanted to raise them in our home, so that meant going down to one income so I could stay home with them.  Well, the more children you have, the more clothes, food, activities, ect. you need.  Plus, with a larger family, we would need a larger vehicle, which would eat more gas.  Compound, compound, compound.  He grew up in a pretty impoverished family, often doing without essentials...  I grew up very fortunate.  We wanted to ensure our children had the same opportunities I did growing up (always a roof over their head, food on the table, clothes on their back, activities, sports, college tuition, ect), so we didn't want to stretch ourselves too thin.

For us, a family with two children just felt "right" and like it made the most sense in our situation.  

Now that we have one, he is ready to jump right in on number two.  I, on the other hand, have gotten a case of cold feet to pull the trigger on another one.  I figured by having my DS NOW, it would give me a good 2 year block to think it through, and really know in my heart when/if the time was right to have another.  The jury is still out as of this post...

Interesting points! I wanted only two to begin with, and knew that if my 2nd was a boy that we would be done. Didn't happen! 

Why do you think you have cold feet? Do you worry about having a post-DS pregnancy and the weight gain that comes with it?

 The cold feet started before I decided once and for all to have WLS.  I had a very hard pregnancy, due in part to my weight, but mostly because of some health issues I have (that are not weight related and won't go away once I lose all the weight).  So, knowing I'll have another high risk pregnancy full of blood thinners (shots 3 times a day), lots of pain, physical therapy, exhaustion, plus all the normal pregnancy stuff- just scares the bejesus out of me.  And having to be the "sole" caregiver to my daughter during all of that, well, I just don't think I can do it.  My daughter is VERY high spirited, had colic and all sorts of tummy troubles until she was 18 months old (read that as I didn't sleep or stop for 18 months).  She never sleeps (and I mean that literally), and is always on the go.  She has some sensory issues, and just requires a lot from us.  We are having her evaluated on the Autism spectrum, if that gives you any ideas...  I just don't know if I have the emotional wherewithal to handle it all again.  The whole infant stage was SO difficult for me.  I don't really want to get into it all here, but it was just very hard with my illnesses (blood clotting disorders and Lupus).  I spent a lot of that time very unwell, and am terrified to go through it again, especially NOW that I have a high needs toddler to raise on top of it.  

So, none of my cold feet issues are due to the DS, no.  In fact, I KNOW that now that I've had the DS, at least my weight won't play a role in any of this, and I'll have more energy to get through it.  THAT is the great part!  

I don't know really. I didn't really have a number in mind. I think that I knew for sure I wanted at least two. I wanted a girl and a boy. After having Princess #1 and we decided it was time to try again, I wasn't so sure that I wanted my boy at that time. I wanted a Princess #2 to play with #1 and that's exactly what we got. We were happy with our two Princesses and decided we would try in 2008 for our little Prince, AND that resulted in the birth of Princess #3 in 2009.

I'm content that a little Prince is not in my future. We have three and for us that is enough. I have more than enough love for them all as well as time so it's not that. It's just for us we feel complete and that our family of five is enough.