One year out - Disapointed with myself and my DS

Yesterday was my one year surgiversary.  I can't help but feel that I have not lost enough weight in that year.  I needed to lose just at 120 pounds and have only lost 84.5 of them.  It was my thought that I'd be at goal by a year.

For almost the past three months I have been battling the same five pounds.  The scale just goes up a few pounds and back down a few pounds.  It's very disheartening and I'm disgusted with myself.  I need to exercise more but have no motivation to do so.

I'm constantly obsessing about what I'm eating, thinking my surgery was a failure, maybe my cc isn't short enough, feeling like I'm on a strict diet, etc.

It just seems that everyone else is losing at a quick pace and/or at goal and doing so well and I'm not. Maybe the rest of the weight will come off in the next year.  That or I'm destined to be in the 150s forever. 

On the other hand I do have to say I've not felt so healthy and energetic since my youngest was born 20 years ago.  I don't feel that I stick out in a crowd anymore, I climb the stairs at work without getting winded, wear a size 10/L and not a 22/3x, and all my co-morbids are gone.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

 You are wearing a size 10???  Thats great!  

Thank you for saying that.

 10 is skinny.  Seriously.  I would love to be size 10.   You might look too skinny if you lost more weight.  

You are being too hard on yourself. Stress can also make you not loose. Relax a little and make sure you are getting your protein. Stay away from white carbs too, they are the devil! Another thing, your body might like it where it is. Just because you haven't reached a goal you want to be at, you are in a size 10! The average size of american women is 14 so look at it that way!

Sweetheart, you're being way too hard on yourself.  You've done fantastic.  Plus, you did mention to us that you had a drinking problem for a while.  I'm sure that all those carbs slowed you down. 

A size 10 is fantastic.  Try to focus on the positives.
(((((HUG)))))

Yes, I have considered the drinking may be slowing me down.  Every time I get to the end of a bottle I say I'm not buying another one but I always do.  

Every time I get to the end of a bottle I say I'm not buying another one but I always do.
Aside from the obvious unhealthiness of this, alcohol is carbs. Alcohol is calories. You aren't at goal because you are an alcoholic. You need to spend more time worrying about your addiction and less time worrying about your weight right now. Get some help.

Editing: I re-read this and realized it sounded harsh. I mean it to be urgent but not harsh. I'm concerned for you. My sister is currently living on the streets of Santa Ana with a bottle as her only friend, while I care for her children and wipe their tears. They will never get to see her again. At least not until they are adults. She is broken. Because of her, they are broken.
Run, don't walk to your nearest AA meeting.

It wasn't harsh, just the truth.  I am very sorry for your sister and her children.  You are wonderful for taking care of her children.

I learned this over the years of doing lowcarb (found through research - not just a guess): our bodies will always burn alcohol for fuel BEFORE fat. I lost a steady 12-14 lbs a month lowcarbing and lost 170+ total. But whenever I would drink I would not lose weight for 2-3 days after. I would always stall. I wound up leaving out the alcohol because it slowed my weight loss too much. This could be what's happening with you.

However (!) - you have lost a tremendous amount of weight so be proud of yourself!