Vent: Now that I am getting closer to goal I get so disgusted when I look in the mirror...

I have been going to the gym for a month now to do some cardio and strength training. I can see myself buiding some muscle and tightening my core, plus I have lost a few more pounds. But now that I am getting closer to my goal (I need about another 20 lbs) I get even more disgusted when I look at my mid section. My lumpy muffin top and droopy spare tire just won't budge. Plus it's surrounded by all this very loose wrinkly skin. I have been wearing my summer dresses and it seriously looks like I am preggo, even when I wear a tank that holds me in. Before people could tell it was just fat because all of me was fat, but now I am carrying most of my fat in my mid section. My arms are okay except for some looser skin on them near my arm pits. My thighs the same, not too bad except for the skin near my groin. My butt actually is decent looking for having lost nearly 100lbs, it is still there and quite round. The girls just need a little lift from an underwire. But my stomach- a nightmare!

I seriously dreamt last night that *I* was driving down to Mexico to go have a tummy tuck with Dr. Sauceda, that is how bad it is getting.  All I can think of is fast forwarding time to next year when I will have enough saved up for a tummy tuck/ LBL and lipo with Dr. S.  I am single right now, and horrified at the prospect of even dating and finding someone I might want to be intimate with and showing them this unsightly body I have. Even when someone shows interest I will just think to myself "yeah, that's because they haven't seen what is under my clothes!" Ughh... I am so depressed. I know there must be others that are facing or have faced the same thing. How did you cope? What did you tell yourself to feel better? And most of all, is there anything you did to target that specific area? I keep telling myself that the more I lose the more will come from that problem area since everything else is pretty normal.. but I am having a hard time believing it. Plus, nothing except plastic surgery will get rid of this skin, which is getting wrinklier by the pound. I guess I should just ask for more hours at my part-time job so I can save up the money for my plastic surgery faster! Ughhh!! 

At some point reconstructive surgery may be the only way to rid yourself of the skin and connective tissues. Until then spanx or other girdle like material may be needed to pu**** back. Personally I found them to be very hot and uncomfortable during the summer and just resorted to just having to wear looser fitting tops until plastics.

Honestly though at my age most of my friends male and female look better with clothes on.

As to targeting an area it actually can backfire, some areas may look better with muscle built up- think thighs, upper arms. However stomachs may look worse if the muscles bulk underneath it may actually push the skin out farther.

Now as to feeling attractive it really is mental..........some will only feel much better after surgery and others will obscess over the scars, or other areas not so readily fixed by surgery. Others never have reconstructive surgery and they lead productive fulfilled sexual lives. Personally I felt sexy before surgery and sexy after.

I hadn't thought that targeting an area could backfire but I guess you are right. I think for now I am just gonna work on building muscle in my arms and thighs and strengthening my core for when I do get plastics. I want to be strong enough to take it, but I definitely don't want my stomach to protude more than it already does, lol. Thanks for the tip!

Sweetie, you are being way, way too hard on yourself.
Think about where you were a year ago - and how far you have come. From what I've heard, it takes time for your body to fully adjust and according to a friend of mine, things will shift around even after you have stopped losing. So although you aren't happy right this second, your body may adapt and look really awesome in 6 months.
You should also remember the old addage - last hired, first fired - and think about your weight. Did you always have a big belly and then when you gained put on weight around your limbs? If so, then it is normal to lose from those stubborn core areas last.
I think you have done amazingly well. You need to be kind to yourself and be proud of coming so far so fast.
Kim

P.S. - something occurred to me about your "what if they see me naked and see my unsightly body". It has been awhile for me, but if I remember correctly, if a guy is about to be intimate with you for the first time he isn't going to worry about your imperfections beforehand! He will be focused on getting busy and be happy that he is about to get lucky. So no worries! Menfolk - please correct me if I'm wrong on this.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, definitely, my tummy has always been the issue. Right now my pants fit loose around the legs but tight around the belly. Hopefully it will adapt a bit so that I can live with it until I am finally able to get some plastics done.

You made me laugh with the getting lucky part, but I guess you are right. My fiancee, before he passed away, never cared one bit that I was over 300lbs. He would keep telling me I was beautiful just like I was, and it didn't matter if I never lost a pound with my revision  WLS. I guess the same would apply for any other guy that comes into my life right? If he loves me he will disregard the fact that I am all wrinkly and lumpy in certain areas, lol. I was looking at a picture of myself just the other day and I was shocked. I do look much better now, dare I say... prettier. And I still was loved back then, so I guess as long as I find the right person that deserves seeing me nekkid it won't be an issue. He will see me pretty as well.

I don't know your background, but here's my two cents for what it's worth.  It sounds as though you're young (perhaps 20's) and if you're already nearing your goal weight after losing 100lbs, it's a pretty decent bet that your skin has not lost so much elasticity that it can't recover.  It's my understanding that prior to any reconstructive surgery that you should ideally allow 12-18 months after reaching your goal weight to allow your body, skin included, to recover from and adjust to the weight loss.

Me on the other hand, I'm approaching 43 years of age and have been obese the majority of my life (into the 200's in middle school and over 350 upon high school graduation).  My highest weight was 500lbs so even if I reach my dream goal weight (which for me realistically is about 200lbs), I know that my skin will never recover and to have some semblance of a normal body image, reconstructive surgery is a necessity - but would never be an option unless I win the lottery or marry a millionaire.  That being said, I know the journey I have taken, I know the obstacles I have overcome and the accomplishments I have made and, while I don't particularly love the wrinkles and hanging skin, I do see a distinct beauty even in those imperfections because of what they mean.  I've never been in a relationship, but I believe that the right person will see the beauty as well.

If you cannot see the beauty now, will you be able to see it when everything is super-tight?  I suspect that with time you'll find that your body will recover on it's own and you will not even need surgery.  My advice for now is to relish the journey, marvel at each milestone and recognize the blessing of what each wrinkle means.  Be patient, give it another year or two as you save money.  If after that time you still want surgery, go for it . . . otherwise, take that money and treat yourself to an OUTSTANDING vacation . . . something exotic.  Okay, I'm done.

Hey Diva Jojo,

Really great advice.  You are so wise :)  I took a look at your profile and wow what a story.  I just love reading about other peoples weight loss.  It is what inspired me in the first place and still does every time I read one.   You are just amazing!

S

I just turned 30 in April, and I have been obese my whole life too ( I already had a belly at age 5). I was about 200lb+ in middle school. I was a size 20 by the time I started high school and went up to about a size 26/28. I think my highest all time weight was around 340, I stopped weighing after my scale wouldn't go that far.  I yo-yo dieted for years and was about 300lbs before my revision surgery (after I had gained the whole 50lbs I had lost with the first surgery). I am a size 16 now and about 200 lbs. I am still obese by all means, but my body just doesn't do thin so I think 180 is a good goal for me. I don't want to be super tight or have a model figure, I just want to have a decent looking body with no protruding tummy. The 5 months preggo look is just not flattering. I know that I am destined to have it since all my aunts on my mom's side do, they are just not obese like I am so theirs is not as big. All I want is to be size 12 after my tummy tuck, that's it... I want to be the size I was in ohh let's see, fifth grade? HA!

But honestly, I do see a lot of beauty in my other body parts. I am okay with my breasts as they are, and my thighs are only wrinkly near my groin but the rest looks normal, so I can live with those. My behind I actually like. It's just my tummy that is the major issue for me. We will see by the time I save up the money what I actually want/need to get done, it will be a year from now anyway. Thanks for your words though, and for thinking I was in my 20's!!! 

Hijack!!!!     (((((((((((((((((Diva))))))))))))))))) my beautiful singing friend, how on earth are you??????

I'm doing well.  Been in hiding . . . life just kind of takes over and gets out of control.  I've let it take me so off-course as far as my weight loss and "everything" associated with it.  I'm focusing on getting back on track now and my first step is always to come out of hiding.  I've missed the boards so much.  The support and information is key to long-term success and critical when you're getting back on the wagon.

Singing is going well.  I'm finishing up my third year with the Atlanta Symphony Chorus.  We had a week-long trip to Berlin in December 2009 which I never could have done prior to the weight loss.  It was amazing!!!

Right now, it just feels good to be back on track.  I'm sitting here eating a yoplait yogurt with a dropper full of my vitamin D mixed in.  We'll see how the rest of the day goes.