New but familiar and wondering

Ok.  Ill call this my brain dump for the day....

Hello all.  Im sure my wife will read this but I live with her and know her thoughts.  Just looking for some others. 

My wife had DS surgery in March 2010.  She has been a complete success and is currently down 150+lbs to about 180.  Im a big guy myself.  6'4 currently very near 300#.  Carrying most in my mid section above the belt.  My high was 340 in 2008.  From Oct 08 to Oct 09 I worked hard.  I went to the gym 5 days a week for at least an hour of weights and cardio.  I ate better.  Added green vegetables to plan for the first time in my 35 years.  Who knew they were good?  I did planned meals and snacked on fruit.  Anyway, I got down to a low of 280#.  Went from a size 52 in jeans and 4XLT shirts to 44 and 2XLT.  It was nice.  I have done ok maintaining since Oct 09 but its slipping.  Life and work in general gets in the way of everything including the gym and eating and eating right when there is time to eat.  Besides the weight, I have high BP and high Chol and sleep apnea.  Im always tired.  I can take a nap standing up if I want to.  I know im an emotional/stress eater.  Bad day at work (common over the past months) lets go get something to eat.  I don't feel like my food issues are quantity as much as they are just not great stuff and not regular meals.  I eat fast(er) than anyone else when I do eat. 

I am just conflicted.  Besides my wife I have seen the success of the DS with three other co-workers in my office.  I tell myself I am not as big as they were.  

I had some level of success in the past going from 340 to 280.  I remember the compliments and the feedback from people tha****ched me.  I remember being able to go to a regular department store and get a pair of jeans (as long as they were long enough) for $15 instead of to the Big and Tall store for $65.

I also remember how frustrated my wife was at that time (before surgery) as she saw me lose she couldnt, when we were doing the same things.

I think my biggest concern is the disipline.  If I can't be disiplined enought to buckle down and do what i did in 08/09 (that I know worked), how can I expect to buckle down and make the lifestyle changes that come with the DS.  As I said, I live with them everyday in my lovely wife. (Kisses Princess)

With her weight loss we have had so much fun together but I feel sometimes like I can't keep up.  Hell if we could both go at the same pace, we might be dangerous LOL. 

Our son is already showing signs of being large as well.  He's got the pudge going and we are both concerned.

Part of me feels like if we were on the same path togehter the disipline would be easier.  I know that us being on the same path with gym and food in 08/09 is what helped me, even though she was not having the success I was.

She also tells me that with the surgery some of the disipline just happens because of the side effects of not being in control. 

Well, I think I dumped most of my concerns out for now.  I didnt really ask any questions but I welcome any feedback from those that have possibly been in this situation.  

Sincerely
Micah
 

Kind of weird you posted this, as my hubby is going thru the same thing right now.  He sees how I am doing and wonders if he needs to follow in my footsteps.

He can lose weight if we go low carb (meaning, if I cook low carb and make him eat it).   He is physically fit and can exercise, but is too worn out every day to do it.  (I know I have been there.)
So he knows he wants a WLS.  Our insurance is horrible but is still better than self pay and it starts over in September (pressure there because of deductibles).  

Then the question is does he do the sleeve or the full DS?  He does not have the comorbidities of HBP or high cholesterol, but does have foot pain and difficulty sleeping.

I am worried if he just gets the sleeve because he will not be able to eat like I do in regards to fat, and I think that is what he envy's.   The restriction only will help some, I am sure, but what is too much and what is not enough when he can lose weight on low carb? (I am thinking they would just have a longer common channel for him)

From my standpoint, I would love for him to have the DS.  That way he can have the other half of my bacon double cheeseburger and we don't waste money. :)   He can remind me to take my vitamins, and I can put butter on his steak (I love my steak with butter on it!)  And best of all, he can feel better about himself.  He is a wonderful beautiful person now, but I don't think he sees what I see.

And yes, we are newlyweds.  Married 17 years. 

Don't know if this helps you or not, but these are the issues I see with my hubby... may be the same thing your DW sees too. :)

I think many of us have been where you are now. We get on a plan. We work hard and consistently and some of the weight comes off. Feels great. Then life happens, but really, there is more to it than that. There are studies that show that people who are, or have been, MO and not the same as people who have never been overweight. Our metabolisms compensate for the weight loss in such a way that we put weight back on more easily than someone who has never lost weight. It's almost a catch-22, where the harder you work to lose weight and keep it off, the harder it becomes.
     So I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't blame yourself, or feel that the issue is all about emotional eating, or lack of time and/or energy for the gym. Not that these aren't factors, but you are also fighting your metabolism, or it is fighting you, and the metabolism is winning.
     I think if you do have the DS, you will find that the discipline, as you put it, will be a lot easier for you. The combination of moderate restriction and serious malabsorption, AND the metabolic changes the DS causes, really make a difference. And with the DS, while you do need to make some changes for lasting success, you don't have to be perfect.

Larra

Howdy Micah :-). Hey, I'm flying through here fast right now so will keep this short:

First regarding "take a nap standing up". This means you are not only sleep deprived but oxygen deprived. Sleep apnea is killing you. Please go to my profile and read my little essay about "dying in your sleep." I take you aren't using a CPAP? If you are, you need it changed yesterday cuz it ain't working right.

Two: You already know the answer to this: What you did was not enough in weight loss anyhow, and now you're gaining it back. You cannot keep it off without surgery. So, are you gonna stay fat and get nothing but sicker and more crippled, or are you going to bite the bullet and get a DS?

Yup, the DS will require some discipline. So does any worthwhile thing in life. So quit using being undisciplined as an excuse to save your life and get on the stick. Do the thing that works the BEST. Diets make us fat. The ONLY effective treatment for morbid obesity is surgery, and the BEST obesity surgery by every possible measuring stick is the DS.

Thanks for the feedback.  I still have a lot of thoughts in my head but I think thats normal.  I am more on the pro side now.  The pros of surgery far outway the cons of keeping things they way they are.  I have a consult with my wifes Dr on Monday.

Your post hit me. I too went through a time when I was going to get my weight under control. I was going to do EVERYTHING within my power to get the weight off. I was about 335 when I started working out. At that time I'd walk "just a little bit further" every day. I did my "health rider" (which was like a giant sex toy to my perverted mind but it really works the large muscle groups. I ate carefully. FOR over TWO years. Sure, the weight came off but I got up to working out 40 hours a week! I did the MS 150 mile bike ride and 3 triathlons. I weighed 220 pounds. For a female doing triathlons, this weight exceeded the limits of even the males. (they have a class called Clydesdale and I was heavier that that limit.) I did them anyway.

Forty hours is crazy...eating as little as I was eating was crazy! When I decided to stop the maddness, I knew my weight would come back on. It always did. So, I started researching WLS. I know in my heart that I did everything possible and this was not an "easy way out".

I'm not sure what others are talking about with discipline and control. When I had surgery, I did not want a lot of crap! I was not about to "test the waters" with stuff because it was so important to get protein in first. The miracle of the DS is that I was SATISFIED with little meals. I was full and did not feel deprived in anyway. I learned to measure my servings because I had a big case of "Portion Distortion". They would look so little but I'd tell myself that if I wanted more, I could always get more. Usually, the serving was more than enough.

Lot of things go along with the DS but the thing that it gave me was a feeling of saity...I can put my fork down and be satisfied. People treat me differently at work. I am perceived as being more competent. I know I am more confident.

Morbidly obese people are some of the most disciplined people I know. They have lost (and gained) hundreds of pounds in their lifetime - doing crazy stuff that "Normal" people do not have to do! Now that I'm "normal", if my weight goes up a couple pounds, I cut the carbs a bit and it comes off. I don't have to "diet" but may just get back to eating protein and veggies first then the complex carbs.

You have a hard decision to make but it is YOUR decision. You WILL have to take vitamins for the rest of your life. That takes discipline. You decided what you put in your mouth but the compulsion (if you are a compulsive eater) won't be there. You WILL have to deal with the issues that made you over eat, however!

Good luck on your decision.

Dianne from FL