Probably shouldn't have told my parents yet...

I told my parents and sister when the OBGYN suggested WLS (a little over two weeks ago). After my sister reacted EXTREMELY unfavorably, I swore them all to secrecy. My parents were at my favorite aunt for dinner the other night and my mom told her. She was supportive so I'm ok with that little indiscretion. I confronted my mom about it and I think she now understands "don't tell anyone" means "DO NOT TELL ANY ONE, PERIOD!" I don't feel that I need anyone else's input in this decision. My hubby knows and is on board with whatever I decide so that's the most important thing. I just wanted my family to be informed because I know they'd be hurt I they found out after the fact.

The problem is, since I've done my research and decided on DS over LapBand. I wanted them to be informed but they have kind of flipped out. I sent them my research links. I try talking about it and my mom cries. She says SHE'S a failure because I have be have my stomach all cut up. I sent them the Emmi educational video about it and then my daddy (who never cries) calls me with tears in his voice saying he doesn't think it's a good idea and he doesn't understand why the OBGYN won't just do the surgery I NEED without making me do this but that I'm going to do whatever I think is right but he really wishes I wouldn't.

It really makes me upset because I'm trying to follow my doctors orders. I'm trying to do what I have to do to get out of pain. I'm trying to become more healthy and make my life better. I don't want to have diabetes. I don't want to keep failing at losing. I don't want to die before my time. I want my husband and I to have a long happy HEALTHY life!

I guess it also really upset me because I'm having to start the whole approval process over again with a different doc.

Did anyone else experience this? Do you have any advice on how to guard my heart during this process? Or how to deal with upset family?

Remember that this is your body, your health, your life.....not theirs!!!  YOU need to do what you feel is right regardless of what your family feels.  It's hard when you feel like you are going against what your parents say or want, we spend our entire life trying to make our parents proud of who we are, but if you feel you need this then IMO do it.  The strange thing is, when your overweight family will suggest you lose weight, when you lose weight family will say you lost too much.  Sometimes you are put between a rock and a hard place.  I knew I did everything to lose weight, exercise, WW, Optifast, blah, blah, blah, but in the end I knew surgery was the best and last resort to help improve my life and my health.  If you feel in your heart this is the right choice then move forward.

Good luck.

My husband, mom, brothers, SILs....all on-board.  My father....that's another story.  He is 'old-school' and feels I should have the willpower to do it on my own and I am somehow 'cheating' by getting WLS.  It got to the point that I actually sat him down & told him that I have struggling with weight issues for over 25 years and I am just 'sick' of it....literally!  If I could have done it on my own or with 'willpower' I would not be 230+ lbs now...which is more then he weighs...how embarrassing to weigh more than your dad.  I told him I deal with physical issues EVERYDAY & cannot play with my kids.  I physically showed him the stats indicating that this surgery, albeit a big operation, has been proven a relatively safe and very successful surgery.  I also told him it is an extremely valuable tool...and I also pointed out (and I got the idea from someone here).....what would he say if I decided to hammer a nail into the wall with my knuckles instead of a hammer....would he approve because I showed the 'willpower' and determination to do it on my own without the proper tool....no he would call me a dumb-a** because I did NOT use the proper tool.  That is all this surgery is....the proper tool.

You make whatever decision is right for you and your family (husband).  My father is finally onboard and very happy for me & the results I am getting.  It is truly a life-saving & life-expanding experience!!!  I would think he would want you to be happy & healthy.  Don't worry....he'll come around....he does seem very caring!

Everything ya'll are saying is true. I was trying to upload a pic to this thread but can't figure it out. If you go to my profile and look at my wedding album, you can see my family.

I know they were all so proud when I lost 100 pounds with WW but obviously, I didn't have all the tools I needed to keep it off. I'm kind of my family trailblazer. I tend to do things for myself that might not make sense to them at the time but afterward, they are understanding and sometimes even follow where I've lead. 

I KNOW without a doubt that DS is the right tool for me. I understand that it's scary. It was scary to me too. But I decided I'm more scared of living half a life than of never fully living it. I think the DS can help me lose weight so I can be the person I want to be. 

When I had the sleeve in 2007, my dad and step-mom were VERY against it.  Begging me and pleading with me not to do it.  I was 425 lbs...  how could I not!!!  I'd tried everything...  they knew all I had been through.  Finally, I got to the point where I told them that I didn't need their approval to do this, but I did need their support.  Eventually they came around...  but it wasn't until after I'd had the sleeve and started losing weight.  When I was a year post-op and down about 190 lbs, my step-mom got the sleeve too.  Lost all her weight and is easily maintaining at a normal BMI after being obese for 20+ years. 

Of course, I regained 117 back and then added the DS... 

WLS is such a drastic change and such a tough decision to make.  It comes with innumerable consequences that you may or may not have.  But it is also such a PERSONAL choice.  No one can understand what you go through on a daily basis.  No on can begin to comprehend the things you struggle with because of your weight. 

But for many of us, the true risk lies in doing nothing.  Keep dieting until you've lost and gained back more...  lost and gained back more.......  And then revisit WLS when you are 100 lbs heavier.  Um...  no thanks.  You have the means and the opportunity to do something about it now, then don't let anything stand in your way.  Hopefully your family will come around.

Please tell me that Spiegal isn't the new doctor. In Texas, Dr. Stewart is THE DS guy.

No. Dr. Spiegel is NOT the new guy. I can't figure out how to get that off there. I have an appointment for a seminar with Dr. Wilson on next Wednesday. He is vetted and appears to have the same success as Dr. Stewart so I'm checking him out.

Good deal! And good luck!

I got a similar reaction at first and I realized they were just really scared for me.  Its a big surgery and a big decision.  I found that if I simplified the explanation and repeated it often, they took in a little bit at a time until they got used to the idea.    You certainly need to know all of the ins and outs and the risks & responsibilities that come with this awesome tool but perhaps all your family needs to know is the basics.  

Good luck and hang in there.  They will come around.

Renee

Girrrl! My family was such a major disappointment to me. I told my mom and one of my sisters out of respect for them. If I died on the operating table I felt they would be hurt that I hadn't trusted them enough to share with them. Big mistake! They called my oldest sister who is a nurse so therefore knows it all and they all ganged up on me and told me I was basically unstable, make bad decisions, and need an intervention. I'm still not talking to my sister's. My mom I forgive cause she's mom. Honestly if I could take back telling them I would. I don't know if I can ever heal the relationship with my sisters.