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Everyone who has WLS has body image issues, and most surgeons take a great deal of care to do the surgery on people who are relatively healthy psychologically, because it is such an emotionally fraught journey. The most important thing for you is to find a way to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself as you are--you are a good and valuable person. You need to believe it yourself instead of letting your family continue to hurt you.
Overeating to obesity is one way to punish and hate yourself; undereating to emaciation is another way to punish and hate yourself. Plastic surgery because you can't stand your body is another way to punish and hate yourself--do you see how all these are related?
People care about you--WE care about you!! I hope you can find a way to care about yourself and find peace. Can you come to Saturday support group south of the Cities sometime? It is such a supportive group! If not, seek out a support group near you. Bless you!
thank you, I will try that. it seems the doctors that did the RNY want nothing to do with me, they will not see me. I think ot is because I lost too much weight and it looks bad for them. I do not live far from Mayo, I may check them out or the U of M. My PCP is talking a reversal or putting a feeding tube in. I do not want the tube because it causes infections. I do not even know if a reversal will work as I can no longer eat sugar and have become lactose intolerant. My psychiatrist will write that it is necessary because of my body image, but not sure if that will help. I have straight medical Assistance. Not sure what doctors take that as they get reimbursed so little. I know for a fact a lot of the reason my family has turned from me is because of my weight, when I had a few more pounds on I was pretty and they were jealous. It had to be because I was and am sti;; the same giving person who puts myself last and does for them and anyone before me, yes at my expense. Just a couple months ago a classmate of mine passed away from complications of an RNY. now my best friend wants one. I am so afraid for her.
but for me I know, one day I will attempt again if I do not get control of my image of my body. But I look in the mirror, have to compromise showers and baths because of the skin and so it is reality.
The psychological pain is so bad, having to go everywhere completley covered and yet my face is so sunken in I get called Achmed the Dead terrorist. I will not stop seeing my counselors, I have been seeing them since abusive hubby killed himself and will continue. I just need to fight and get the surrgery but yet have no more fight in me. Do you know what I mean, weak and sleep all the time, pain and sadness. Deep sadness and i put a smile on for everyone so nobody knows. I am being treated with meds for the depression and anxiety, which I am getting so I go out anywhere less and less. It is like I can feel what my future holds and I do not want that for my kids. the one child I have left who loves me and comes and sees me almost died in a fatal crash and he broke his neck and back, him I want to not to hurt. yet when you get in the moment you do not think of otherss, it is a selfish thing and you just want the pain to stop. that is all it is, everything else is blocked out and you just want it to stop.
Somehow there has to be a starting point for me, some doctor to have a heart so at least I can wear shorts on warm days and not have to blowdry under my tummy so I do not get sores.
I thank you all for your kind words and I will try, I really will. I just cannot keep going downhill or it is inevitable. So tomorrow I begin my journey of looking for surgeons somehow. I will post on the other spot and I will look. bless you all!
ONE POEM KINDA
the look in her eyes
told me what i knew
suicide survivor
the pain in her eyes
mapped out her tragic past
suicide survivor
the tell tale tear tracks
running down her face
suicide surviver
the scars on her wrists
showed her depression
suicide survivor
the uncertainty in her voice
haunts your memory
suicide survivor
every beat of her heart
she wish was her last
suicide survivor
if only you knew
in her mind she is dead
suicide survivor
ANGEL
However, you are losing weight, and it sounds like you are feeling good, so I'm not sure you are doing anything that anyone should get "judgy" about--and why should you care? Every physician is different about their requirements and I see so many variations, all successful. You have to do what's right for you and your body.
If you are maintaining your nutrition requirements and losing weight at a rate you are comfortable with, where's the failure in that? Just MHO.
It's all step-by-step, learning a new lifestyle. Some weeks we do better than others, but if we were perfect, we wouldn't need this group.
Last week: 261
This week: 256
My single biggest loss since dumping the immediate "post surgery" 25. I've been ranging from losses between 1 and 3 pounds each week and then BAM- a whole five pounds in one week! I'm so excited! I am finally back at my wedding weight from 2 years ago.
Next goal: Get back to the weight I was when I met my husband!
On the flip side, I have been struggling a bit with eating the things I'm "supposed" to be eating, as recommended by the RNY OH Board. My surgeon didn't give me much guidance beyond keeping my protein above 60 grams, my water above 64 ounces and my calories under 1,000 in addition to a twice daily multivitamin and 1500 calcium. I have been sucessful at all those things but have eaten some things that other 2 month post op-ers might put on their "judgy pants" for.
I'm not sure if I should feel guilty or not. On one hand, I'm still abiding by my surgeon guidelines and even trying to set the bar a little higher myself. But it seems like so many "old timers" interpret this as failure on my part.
In addition, I'm struggling a little with transfer addiction but trying to get it under control.
So overall, the week is a success on paper but chaos in reality.
15 more is a workable goal. You're right, just keep plugging away, and it will happen. Persistence pays off.
One of these days we need to get together and go walking. And hey, put the Mud Run on your calendar--it is perfectly acceptable to walk it, and it will be great fun! Plus, you have a whole year to get ready.
We're going to have a great time. 
Well, I've finally lost the 4 lbs that I gained during my vacation over 2 months ago. I haven't given it 100% so I really can't complain. It does feel good to be a my low again. I still have 15 lbs to get to my goal. We'll just keep plugging away at it.
Thankfully it was a better week for me. I took better control of my eating and it showed on the scale. Good thing our tools continue to work for us!!
Starting weight: 298.4
Last week: 140.9
This week: 138.8
This week: loss of 2.1 lbs
I am turning 49 years young in a week, so I also have been considering goals to accomplish before I am 50. None of these were in the cards before my surgery, so don't tease me about not planning ahead, LOL.
1) I'm going to do a Mud Run--go Formerly Fat Friends team!!
2) I'm going to do my first Triathlon
3) I decided to run my first half-Marathon! (Yes, it's in writing now--that's a commitment.)
Whew! I have my training cut out for me. But it's good to have goals.
I was working a water stop at the Twin Cities Marathon 10K race on Saturday morning. Boy was it chilly, especially standing there holding cups of water (and getting it spilled on you.) But it was fun to see a race from another perspective.Going camping next weekend, and running a 10K race the following, so I won't see you all 'til the end of October. Hang in there everyone!
