Mess Up, Changes and *Wall-E*

Yesterday was a real eye-opener for me in many ways....

1) I made my first diet screw up! Hubby took me on a date to see Wall-E and I caved to temptation for popcorn! Yes, movie theater popcorn .... *buttered* movie theater popcorn!!! : O My first screw up and it was a BIG one! I found out you can eat that stuff and never get full! It just keeps going down. : ( It's like drinking liquids for me! And, it didn't make me sick. So, next time we go to the movies, I'm going to put mentholatum under my nose so it will dull that popcorn aroma. And, I'm going to have hubby help me by reminding me to choose health! Hubby is always encouraging and accepting although promotes healthy choices, doesn't either enable or restrict ... is just always great. But, I'm going to ask him to help me be tough on the popcorn front. I do need the help! I'm swollen like a toad this morning from all the salt. Ugh!

2) Diana's thread about friends the other day really hit close to home. It hit so close to home I couldn't contribute to the thread. But, I'm sharing now. I've been a knitter for a few years and really enjoy it. I have a group of friends that we met at least once weekly at a local bookstore and we would chat and knit for 2 or 3 huors every week. We discussed life, books, knitting, patterns, family, movies ... just all kinds of girl chat. Well, the one friend that is the unofficial leader of the group is very overweight and having increasing health problems. She would ask me questions about her health since she knew I was a nurse and used to specialize in an area where she was having issues. It took me too long to figure out she didn't really want honest and factual answers. She took offense at factual answers about her questions about complications possible from common obesity comorbidities. And, she was the only friend I confided in that I was going to have WLS prior to my surgery date. Once she found out, she stopped answering my calls or emails. She wouldn't speak. I was not invited to any knitting group functions and was basically ousted. She told others that since I had a husband that I didn't need the group any longer. It hurt ... a lot. My other friends in the group have contacted me privately and offered kindness and phone support, but none of us have had courage to buck the unofficial leader yet.

So yesterday, I was at the local yarn shop in the afternoon, looking at new yarns and knitting for a bit. Who walks in? Yes, my friend that no longer wants me in the group. She looked at me and you would have thought she had seen a ghost. She would not make eye contact. She sped through the shop. I said hello and she replied with no eye contact. I asked what her latest projects were and what yarn she was using. She finally looked at me and asked *How much have you lost*? I answered ... she said *it looks like more than that*. I tried to strike up more conversation. She paid for her purchase and left in a hurry.

Has anyone else faced these types of situations? What did you do? One impulse is to just move on. Another is to just rejoin the group and see if she can get past my presence. Another impulse is to just be patient and continue to pray about it. What would you do?

I don't want to seem pitiful, or like these were my only friends. It was just my weekly gal pal gang and I miss them.

3) Hubby took me to see Wall-E last night. I loved the movie! Although, I had to laugh because I saw myself in the movie in a few uncomfortable ways! I would definitely see the movie again, even though the underlying side message can be difficult.

4) Have fun at the movie everyone! We're off to have family day with our kids. : )

Happy 4th of July everyone!!!

 

I feel this jealousy myself from some of my friends.  I have two friends who are obese.  One simply will not admit that he is getting bigger by the day.  When I first met him 12 years ago he was about 190....he is now 240 with a fat gut.  He eats chicken strips and mashed potatoes and gravy ALL THE TIME.  I told him he needs to start eating healthier and he just gets pissed off at me but he gets pissed off at everything anymore.  The other friend was in the Navy a few years back and was in top shape.  Now he is up around 270 and seems to be gaining.  He sleeps half the day and eats really late at night all the time, does nothing physical, and smokes like a freight train.  When I talk about my surgery or about how much I have lost both of them kinda well up and roll their eyes.  Is it jealousy?  Both of them have girlfriends but they are also obese.  Is it the fact I am losing so fast and have a small attractive girlfriend who is in good shape too?  I dunno but it is kinda discouraging.  I would think that true friends like you no matter what.  Maybe they are not true friends.

Thanks Dan. I hope your situation gets easier with your freinds, too. 

I've never brought up my surgery unless she asked. She originally asked if I had heard that Carnie Wilson had regained some weight after WLS. Then she said that Carnie had stated in an interview that post surgery there were *rules* to be followed. My friend was very astonished to hear that there were rules post op and that the surgery didn't just make weight magically dissappear. That's when I told her that I was researching WLS and attending an upcoming seminar. I answered any questions she had about WLS at that time, but once my date was scheduled, she stopped communicating.

I'm still reading *You On A Diet* by Dr. Oz and he states that many folks that  battle with weight issues are extreme *avoiders*. They see everything as being 100%, or nothing. No in between. Just doing great or failing. He says that many that feel they can't be 100% successful at dieting will go to extremes to avoid facing their health issues and even avoid others that bring the thought to their mind...even unintentionally. He also says they even avoid friends that may be willing to be a support system for them. I'm wondering if this is the category that encompasses some of our friends?

And, yes, I wonder if I had misjudged and if there was ever a true friend there, or if I just imagined more to be there than actually was. It's confusing and painful.

I hope you figure out your friends, too. I also help they make good decisions for their health. Being fresh post ops and experiencing better health that we've had in a long time sure makes us wish others would do this for themselves, too. But, they have to come to the decision themselves in their own time.

I'm thankful I have others here to talk to that understand.

Real friends aren't jealous of your successes. Real friends participate in your life to let you know they love you. Real friends support your decisions even when they may not agree with them. Real friends support you when you're in need. Real friends have REAL values that you can feel. Real friends want you to improve your life like you would want their life to improve. I found out that a few of my friends were insanely jealous when I moved to the caribbean and bought a catamaran.  Those friends will never taste the enjoyment of the womderful opportunity that having a friend in paradise could have brought them. As for the other friends who congratulated me and who were happy, those people come to visit and love the experience and knew how hard I had to work to get it.  Those are the people I cherish and I love to spend good quality time with.... T.

Thomas, thanks for your words of wisdom and experience. And, thank you for reading and replying. I agree that true friends are always there for you. I'm hoping that she just *can't* at this time. Maybe I'm tending to be a doormat, but I'm hoping she is a friend ... and that maybe she just needs some time to come to grips with some issues. I think I'll be able to tell what it really is in the next week or two. I am planning to attend knitting again and that should let me know. I often wish that more women were as up front and outspoken as men. Instead, many of us tend to be more of the type that communicate in codes and expect others to mind read. ; ) I know what you're going to say ... and believe me ... it frustrates us, too! And, I'm not including every female in this statement. ; )

Hi Shelly, I can understand how you feel.  And it would be a shame to let one person stand between you and your other friends, but I think one person who is so jealous, or whatever, could certainly spoil the group.  Sounds like she bullies all of you around.  Since she DID actually speak to you, maybe call some of the others and just "drop in" on the group and see what happens?  Maybe she just needs a chance to work it out in her own mind.   Maybe she misses you but is too hard-headed to admit it.(And, of course, there is always the possibility that she is simply a mean b* who needs to be cut out of your life like movie popcorn! lol ) 

A few years ago, I had a "friend" with problems with her son and she practically lived on the phone with me--she was upset that he was marrying and his wife didn't like her.  Then my son was in the hospital with a life-threatening medical problem, and the first time she gets me on the phone, she is telling me all her problems again.  I just told her that her son was alive, and right now that my focus was on keeping MY son alive, and I didn't have the energy now to give her advice on her problems.  She never talked to me again.  I was really sad, but like Cowboy said, real friends need to support YOU sometimes, not just use you for supporting THEM.

By the way, I am a knitter, too!!  What is your latest project?

Diana

Diana, thanks for your reply, too. I do plan on going to the meeting this coming week. I think I'm going to do just as you suggested. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon as to what the true situation is ... I'm hoping for the best! Actually, knowing one way or the other will be a relief of its own.

Are you a member of Ravelry.com? I love that site! It's for knitters and crocheters ... has tons of groups, patterns, yarn reviews, all kinds of great fibery things! Currently I'm working on a small throw. I love shawls, lace, baby items, dishcloths, and just about anything else. : ) My screen name on Ravelry is SjHCountryGirl. I hope to see you over there, too! What is your current work in progress?

I'll check out Ravelry.  I sort of burned myself out lately--I had three grandkids all in 2007.  So I am trying to get motivated to finish a throw for my niece--it is EXTRA long since she is married to Big Foot.  It is about half done.....Maybe I could pack some yarn and work on squares of it in the hospital....well, it won't hurt to take it! Diana

I took my knitting to the hospital with me, but didn't actually touch it. No telling what it would have looked like if I had tried knitting while on drugs. ; )

I do always take knitting with me nearly everywhere to pass time when waiting. It's productive, calming, and helps pass the time. I hope you get your knitting mojo back soon. ; )

my opinion is that you should show up at the next meeting and sit in like nothing is wrong. You shouldnt be pushed out because she has a problem with your choice. If she doesnt like it she will leave, if the other ladies are your friends they will stay. You might think to say something encouraging to her.. " I am sorry my choice of surgery is making you uncomfortable however I value your friendship and would like to remain friends"  .. My quess is that she is now feeling foolish for how she behaved.  and on the friend that likes to tell you her problems I have one of those and when I try to discuss my problems she is suddenly busy.. so now when she calls I say "Hope your having a great day cause I can only handle my problems today" usually that does the trick.. if not i find an excuse to get off the phone like she does to me. turn about is fair game.