Mess Up, Changes and *Wall-E*

I'm going to do just as you've suggested. I'll figure out the situation soon ... and maybe she will, too. And, thank you so much for the suggested wording. Sometimes when I'm in a situation, I'm a bit overwhelmed and can't come up with the right words. You've really helped! : ) I also like how you're managing your friend that is rather self-absorbed. I'm going to add that to my wording to remember, too!

While not weight related, I had a similar thing happen a few years ago. I  had a situation going on with one of my daughters where I really needed the support of my family and friends. Being I considered this girl a close friend, I shared what was going on with her. Afterwards I started to notice that I did not hear from her but I thought it was just that we had both become so busy. In a round about way I learned that she no longer wanted to associate with me based on the situation I had confided to her. I was very hurt. I sent her a long heartfelt letter explaining my situation and how I felt learning about her avoiding me. I told her I still considered her a friend and hoped she felt the same. I never heard from her again. It hurt for a while until I realized my true friends were the ones who hung right in there with me when I needed them the most -- sort of like this group! By the way -- is your group just hand knitters or do you have machine knitters? I have a knitting machine but have never been able to find anyone to truly help me learn to use it so what I can do with it is very limited.

Nancy, isn't it amazing how cold and self-absorbed people can be ... especially when you need them the most. I'm sorry that the person you dealt with was like that. It's truly astonishing how many people want all the *take* out of being friends, and don't ever intend to be on the giving or understanding end. It is very tiring, hurtful, and sad to be on the other side of a one way friendship.

Our local group is currently all hand knitters. However, on Ravelry.com they have several groups of machine knitters. If you join a group or two, they all help each other online with explanations and pictures. I've never used a knitting machine, but have thought about trying some day.

Well you are welcome to try on my machine anytime! I inherited the machine when my mom passed away, but because we lived so far from each other she never had the opportunity to teach me how to use it.

Don't worry about the popcorn - you are still human and you will do better the next time. As for the friend issue, I wish I had some great words for you because I know it's hurtful.  I would not let her run you off from a group of ladies that you cherish.  That is not fair.  After all, she is the one with the problem, not you.  My guess is that the other ladies miss you. I too have a friend that has not been supportive.  Quite frankly, I'm shocked.  Then again, maybe I'm making it up in my mind.  But she hasn't contacted me once since I had surgery and it's been over 5 weeks.  I know she's busy and I also know she loves me so I try to be understanding.  I think some people have a hard time being supportive when they struggle with obesity.  I think they feel we have "abandoned" them and left them to the struggle alone.  They don't seem to realize that surgery isn't magic and that we still have to make healthy choices.  I'm kind like you, I called her once since surgery so she would know I was still alive but have refused to call her again.  Dang it!  It's her turn!  (mature, huh?) Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Man! I thought I was the only one with dysfunctional friends and I am a "I called last" person at times too. You know I have to say this.... I love what friends my Ex hasn't driven off. There are some that have over come weight issues and though I was so happy for them....I did have some jealousy. I wanted to lose my weight too! I worked hard at it also....it all came back.I never would have thought of not having them for a friend though! I admired them for being able to do it and told them so....I flat out told them I was jealous....but not mean...it was a loving type of jealousy.....I have to say too that reading all the wonderful results from the surgeries made me so jealous.... because it was a dream I didn't know how I could ever afford ...I wanted it too!! I was so happy for each of your losses and truely excited for each of you....but I couldn't help but desire it too for me!  Maybe she knows her health is an issue and she would love to have what you have....but just can't afford it....who knows. Her actions are so immature. So childish. You can desire "things" yet be happy for people who obtain it.....I am jealous that Cowboy lives in a dream island...but I am truely happy for him. I had a friend that I was there for her during many, many times of dispair. When I needed her one important time...She didn't have time. I decided right then that friendship is two ways...give and take. If you give and give to a friendship or relationship it drains you dry...Who or what fills you back up??  I wrote that friend a note and it did no good.....She could never see herself for the way she was.I was done....I hurt...I hurt alot, but not as much as I hurt being constantly ignored when it came my time to need something...I was the fool.  Some friends are there because YOU are the friend....they aren't the friend for you.  Oh and cowboy, I'm jealous you have a boat too. ha ha...but I just think it is awsome that you have it and, at your young age,  have aquired all the many things you have, because YOU my friend, give back what is given to you!!  Thats what life is about....Shelly I agree with Sherrie....walk your skinny butt right in there and knit with your friends!! You are not the issue!  Go girl!!

Thank you so much. Sadly, there seems to be plenty of irregular folks around to only be interested in what they can get, rather than what they can give. I'm sorry you were treated like that. It's not right and I'll never understand how folks can be so selfish. Thanks again for all your sharing and insight.

Thanks for the popcorn slip encouragement. If you had seen me when I woke up this morning, you would have laughed at my inflated face and hands. It was impressive! Next time I go, another strategy would be to take my new Osteo-Biflex before entering the theater. It's a supplement of glucosamine and chondroitin sulfate for arthritis. Sheesh...that stuff tastes HORRID! That may have greater appetite suppression qualities than WLS. Good grief, I just started it this week and I can't even think of food after that stuff.

I'm sorry your having the same issues. I can understand being a bit jealous on their part, but I wish they would follow us around for a few days. It's not exactly a walk in the park. I've always been excited to see someone try to succeed at something or to get ahead. But to dump someone you've known a long time because they're trying to get healthy just shocks me. I hope your friend comes around soon.

Tell those fair weather ex-friends that your ex ran off to stick it where the sun don't shine!  You have new friends now and we're way better anyway!! 

The popcorn is one moment in your life-and not a very defining one.  It's not the end of anything-let it be the beginning of the time you realized that you could mess up and it didn't undone EVERYTHING......

Weight and friendship is such a weird thing.  I have a couple of friends that much prefer me as the fat funny friend instead of a smaller, funny, friend.  I do consider them friends, just not close friends-more like movie going friends or visiting a museum friends, but not someone I would call with anything important.

But ousting you from the group is a hostile act.  If you miss the group, by all means go, at the end of the session, say, just in general, that you really enjoyed getting back together and you'd like to be included on future get to gethers.  If that doesn't work out, start your own-I'll come crochet with you sometime, or I'd love to be part of a book club again.

People are just so mean sometimes and sometimes the things that are considered ok just boggle my mind.  I was excluded a lot as a single parent and it hurt.  I suspect there is jealousy if you are married and they are not, although I don't get that either.  Just because you don't feel any different as a married person or a WLS post op, doesn't mean that they don't percieve you differently, and there is really nothing you can do about what goes on in somebody else's head.

I wouldn't dream of apologizing for giving honest answers to medical questions.  Again, if she wanted validation for her own bad habits, she should have asked for that, not a medical question....again, that's what goes on in someome else's head.

I do pity your bullying friend.  It's pretty clear that she is jealous and maybe afraid-but until she learns to reach out for help appropriately, there is nothing you can do.  You can't really initiate a conversation about that without coming off as the know it all reformed fatty....LOL.