Blues

When I was first banded, I was depressed due to the loss of my good friend food.  I got some bumps in the road which was good practice for dealing with adversity without a 10 pound weight gain (or any weight gain, go figure).

Now I'm stuck stuck stuck.  My Uncle will pass soon (he has a terminal illness) and my father is looking at congestive heart failure.  Now I am blessed to be able to come to Oklahoma and help them through it but there is a part of me that wishes I'd stayed in Dallas and not had to see the day to day.

I find sadness to be the hardest emotion to deal with regarding food.  Real stress tightens me up, but sadness just cries out for something like ice cream....Stress is also easy to divert, you just do something else that takes your mind off of it.  Sadness I think has to be experienced or it just stays around forever.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful not to be gaining any weight, but I'd like to continue to lose.  Maybe I feel guilty for having a future to look forward to?  Guilt is one of those nasty emotions too.

Anyway, what do you do when you are sad (besides eat).

Debra- First, let me just offer you a big ol hug for all you are going thru...*squeeze* Next, it is OK to be sad..really it is.  Without sadness, you will not know what real happiness is in your life.  Sadness is a valid emotion.  Don't hold it in...let it out, embrace it!  By giving validity and voice to your emotions, you can better deal with them.  If kept inside, they grow, causing you to retreat to old coping behaviors instead of relying on those around you for support and a strong shoulder.  Like you said, sadness need to be experienced.  However, nothing says that it has to be a lifelong experience or one that cannot lead to GOOD things, like memories remembered, kind words from people, a comforting hug or hand on your shoulder allowing you to know that others are there for you. When I am sad, I talk to friends...hell, I have been known to talk to myself, give myself a pep talk.  I surround myself with people who are laughing, my kids, usually.  By seeing someone else who is HAPPY and enjoying the moment, my moods are lifted.  Like they say, a smile is contagious.  If that fails me, I cry.  I cry until I am giddy...something is so cathartic about a good cry, like all the bad things are flowing out and away.  Then, I go shopping, lol Sorry if I am babbling...it is what I do best :-D

Deb, you are under a lot of stress.  I can't imagine how difficult this must be.  It is a huge thing that you are not gaining but I also understand you wanting to lose.  I found that during the months and year after the bombing where I lost 18 of my 33 co-workers that I had to let it out. Cry, scream, vent, go talk to a counselor if you can.  That helped me so much. Spiritually I grew during this time because I had to depend on God to get me through.  I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this and will keep you in my prayers.

Deb, I'm sorry you're going through all of this.  I don't know how to deal w/ sadness without food yet.  I've had some blue times too lately just from surgery and marital stress, but not true sadness like you are going through.  All I've been able to do is surf the web, talk to friends, paint my nails (which I never do), and try to keep busy.  I feel like I'm going crazy though and totally uncomfortable in my skin sometimes when I can't just spoon in some hot fudge or brownie sundae.  They say everyone has their vice in which to deal with things.  Some have shopping, exercising, food, smoking, drinking, hobbies, whatever.  I think the key is to find your new vice, but trying to find a healthy one so you can still enjoy the health benefits of your weightloss.  I wish shopping could be mine, but we don't have the budget for that! Do you enjoy cooking or baking?  Maybe that would satisfy some of your food issues and you could give the stuff you make away.  I know you said you're a writer.  Do you enjoy reading?  I read a lot during my loneliest feeling times to make time pass and forget what I'm blue about.  I hope you find your own way to make peace with all you're going through!  Hang in there!  Diana

Deb, I jusst want to give you a big 'ol hug!  I understand the sadness you are dealig with.  I watch my Dad die a few years back.  It is horrifying and such a helpless feeling.  You need to talk to a trusted friend or even a grief counselor.  Is your uncle in hospice care?  Uusally the hosice groups have a support group that might help you with the sadness and grief.  I can tell you from personal experience that chocolate and ice cream don't help with the feelings.  In fact, after eating them you have a whole new set of feeling to deal with- the anger that comes from eating things that are not good for you. PM me if you want and I will give you my phone #'s. Denise

Awww Sweetie, I know time are tough and so much saddness in your life right now.  Please know that you are in my prayers.  We always here that God will only give us what he knows we can handle and so many times we wonder how on earth he could possibly think that.  Just put your love and faith in him and he will gude you! Hugs to you

This will seem conflicting but it did help me heal...My grandmother had been ripped off by friends and family because she was so vulnerable in life at 93. I finally just brought her home to live with me. I gave her my room because it was close to a bathroom and the larger room for her things....She had dementia. It was the most stressful time for me. As she got worse over the year it became the hardest thing for me to deal with, VERY mixed emotions. At the end, we took her to the nursing home and I was by her side when she died. I was so afraid of that moment, but it was a beautiful experience. I held her hand as she stepped into heaven. It was nothing like I thought it would be. It was an amazing peaceful experience, for me and for her....Afterwards, in my empty home...I wept as I packed up her many things....I finally sat down with her pictures and decided to make an album of her life....We had gone over them while she was alive and named the people in them...I put many pics in envelops for those families that they went to. It passed the time....and honestly it did help me to heal. I was able to see what a full life she had had and I felt comforted. I don't know what it will take for you to face all of this... I still miss this lively woman, and God has removed the hard times I had with her and made them almost laughable!  Sadness has a way of coming and going and coming again, but if you can somehow turn that sadness into a good memory of them, it really does help. Grandma was a character! Now when I think of her, I remember that man chasing, dancing woman at 94, just two months before she died!! Amazing!! It isn't sad now....it is joyful!  Maybe this will help...maybe not....either way...I understand.  Sherry

Deb, you know how to get in touch with me if you need to or want to. We should have gone and found something to do this weekend like we talked about. I am sorry you are down today, I too would give you a big ((hug)). Hugs always make things seem better even if it is just for the moment.

Look at all the good there is in your life, your father and uncle are still with you and you are spending value time with them that you will be glad about later down the line. Also, I know you have animals that you love and a mother that cares for you dearly. You also have your health. Give thanks for all that is good and ask God to take care of the rest.

I'd like to share a poem that I came across long ago, (I will insert your name).

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys,

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him,

In peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help, With ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and cried, "How could you be so slow?" "Debra" He said, "What could I do? You never did let go." I hope this helps, even just one little *****in up my friend, we will be motorcycling soon! Joni

 

 

You guys are the best. 

 I slapped on the sunscreen (the smell always makes me think of vacation) and went out and rode my lawn mower.  (My bike doesn't come home till Wednesday and I'm trying not to ride it till AFTER I take the safety class...LOL, we'll see how that goes).  Then I got my weedwacker out and worked on my edging technique, which is getting better but I have some masterful people in the neighborhood so I'm not up to par yet.

I had an insight I'd like to share.  Lately I've been not doing things that I know would make me feel better because "it won't change anything", which is depressed thinking in a nutshell.  It is also obese thinking-why eat an orange instead of a candy bar, one orange won't change anything...."  Now, I've gotten pretty good at eating the orange anyway (I don't eat oranges by the way, that's an example) and it's adding up to mean more good things than bad things ingested.  Maybe life is like that too-we need to reach out for every good thing, no matter how small, and at the end of the day or the life, we'll have more good than bad.

Actual death and illness has never really frightened me and I do feel lucky on many levels to be able to share this time with my family.  I just have to remember to keep one foot planted in my own life too.

Oh, I am seeing a counselor on a regular basis to get through all this.  I'm a big believer in counseling any time you get something you aren't sure how to deal with.

((Hugs)) and so sorry for all the sadness in your life. It's really hard to be in that situation and not want food. My mom passed when I was on the pre-op diet.  And if you want ice cream, there is a no fat no sugar Blue Bunny that is great when you just need a little something. I don't have it very often, and when I have it I don't have a lot. I don't use food to deal with sadness anymore. It's been awhile since I've been downright depressed, but what I do is I talk..and talk..and talk to hubby or get on here and chat or surf eBay or walk or clean house..you get the idea. Charlotte