I NEED HELP TELLING A FRIEND!

I have a good friend, she isn't my best friend but a very good one.  She is very morbidly obese, and about 7 yrs ago she confided in me that she was trying to have WLS, well  I think back then it was about $40,000 self pay and the insurance wouldn't pay for her to do it, well needless to say she couldn't get financing and so she hasn't had it done.  Well here's the problem, I had WLS almost a week and a half ago, and I just don't know how to tell her, I wish I had the money to help her with it but I just don't.  I know she is going to notice my wt. loss. I do want to tell her but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I have told my family and only 3 other people, my pastor, my councelor, and another good friend.

You will hurt her more if you don't tell her. Just be direct and honest with her. She's a big girl. She can handle it.

Remember this is only one person's opinion and I've been wrong many times!

You just have to be honest with her and do it soon.  The longer you wait the harder it will be to tell her and her feelings will be even more hurt.  I would express it exactly like you have here.  Just tell her you knew this was the right decision for you and that you're sorry it hasn't worked out for her yet and that the last thing in the world you want to do is hurt her.  Besides, it's a lot less than $40,000 now so maybe she can afford it now.  Heck, maybe you can even be her inspiration!

I know that some parts of this are hard but it is so, so, so worth it!  You can only be responsible for yourself!

Good luck!  Kim

I think Kim's right. She's going to notice, and perhaps might think you were "sick." I got that a lot from people I hadn't told at work. They were all worried I had a terminal illness.

Hi, there.
I would encourage you to make arrangements to talk with her in person. When my good friend told me she was going to have WLS, I'll admit I was a little jealous, because she's not very big. However, the jealousy went away quickly, and I was happy for her. She told me, "I'm going to pray and believe God to provide for your surgery, too." I know she has done that. Also, she and I both feel that God orchestrated this, so she could go first and I could see how well she did with the VSG. It has alleviated my concerns, for sure.
Even though I didn't ask, our church board put out a notice that I need a surgery that insurance will not pay for, and anyone could give to our Emergency Relief Fund in my name. $3,363 has been given so far. Isn't that amazing? Where there's God's will, there's a way.
I sure wish we could start an OH.com fund, so people can give and help some deserving person have WLS.
Well, I do go on! Just talk to your friend. It will be all right.
Blessings,
Mary

 Ditto what everyone else has said.  I've been very up front with those closest to me about the surgery.  Then afterwards, I've been honest when someone notices the weight loss and asks how I've done it.  This isn't the choice for everyone and I understand that.  It works for me because it keeps me accountable.  Good luck with your friend.  She will understand.  Ask her if she wants the info on weightwise and send her to the website.  Offer to go to a seminar with her.  It will all be fine.  Good luck.
Cindy

Hello, I just got back from taking my daughter to the doc. and I just read all of the posts, thank you for encouraging me. I will talk to her and give her the info about Weight Wise.  I love thise message board, it is so nice to ask questions and talk to people who have the WLS in common, because we all know what each has been through and are going through when it comes to WLS.   Thanks, and love to all.

They didn't have the sleeve back then.  She can probably afford it now. Tell her and be her inspiration. Tell her to check it out at Weight Wise.  - Carol.

I would just tell her that you had the surgery and leave it at that.  If she asks about cost, etc, tell her about the new options.  Her head and or her finances may not be in the same place as they were 7 years ago, but if she's still interested, she'll ask or go check for herself.

I think as women sometimes we get all worried about how someone else is going to feel about something-and it's good to be empathetic, but it's not good to get all caught up in projecting how someone else is going to take something.  Your surgery is about YOU, not about her.  Her feelings, on the other hand, are HERS and not something you can manage.  Your best bet is just present her with the facts and let her take the lead in how much she wants to know.

Also, realize she might not ask for information right away-she might need time to think it through and process.

I had one friend I dreaded telling , she is very  very overweight but is not ready to do anything about it , and when i told her she was less than support and unfortunately we have kind od drifted apart since my surgery , but i am okay with that , I have to do what is right for me and i can only hope she will too someday before its too late .  I have told everyone at work , because i didnt want people thinking i was ill and i wanted them to understand where i was coming from upfront . So far everyone has been supportive and very, i think the ones that disagree just dont say anything lol and that is fine too.  I know your situation is a bit different but i am with everyone else honesty is always best , but it is your choice who you decide to tell.  You might just be the inspiration your friend needs ......