How do you handle the negativity?

I need to vent....

It seems as though my entire surroundings does not support weight loss surgery.  Everyone and I mean everyone in my family is giving me a hard time about this. "This isn't the right decision" or "this is the easy way out" or "why can't you do it the natural way"

I want this so bad but with every battle I have to fight, my happiness and enthusiasm towards this diminishes.  I know I shouldn't let what others think bother me, I know that, but when its your immediate family, and everyone in it is coming at you at once and you have nowhere to run away to, it gets hard.

I know this is the right decision for me, I think I am just afraid of being alone during this process now.

I don't know what to do.

Any advice would help please.

I was in the exact same boat 8 years ago when I decided to have WLS.  I got nothing but negativity from them all.  I made it very clear that with or without their support, I was making the right choice for me.  I was fully prepared to go through this alone but they finally came around.  I think you just need to be assertive with them that this is the right thing for you and you have researched  it, been to many specialists and they all agree.  I'd ask them to either support you or to say nothing at all as you are going through with it no matter what.  A lot of times, the negativity is actually their fears talking.  They are likely worried about you and feel this is drastic but you need to just be clear with them.  Once I told my family, the negativity stopped and within a few weeks they all came around and supported me completely.

Thank you. I'm glad I have people like you to turn to when I need to vent. :)

I agree completely with Tracy. My family thought it was a pretty drastic measure for a simple problem. I had successfully been able to lose weight in the past, but like many others I just couldn't maintain it, and would regain the weight plus another 10-20 lbs each time. I got to the point where I was afraid to diet because I didn't want to gain anymore weight.

I think that once we realize that it's a food addiction and that drastic measures are required the decision becomes much easier.

There are so many horror stories about "stomach stapling," everyone knows someone who died or wasn't able to keep it off. I think that your family and friends are probably just scared of the great unknown.  Maybe attend a support group meeting and take one of your supporters with you to hear and see first hand how the surgery has changed some folks lives.

I would be surprised if they didn't come around once you explain your position, and they see that you are becoming healthier and happier as time goes past. I know my family has and now they even suggest others talk to me if they are interested in finding out more about the surgery. Huge difference.

Thanks Moselle,

A part of me thinks they will come around once I have had the surgery but then part of me wonders if they won't.  I can't let my head play games with me like that.

Stomach stapling is the first thing they called it in my family.

My sister had WLS 3 years ago, my son 1 year go. I'm ashamed to say i was not supportive of my sister's surgery. At the time i thought it was the easy way out. However when my oldest son told me he was doing it, i researched it more, read all the paperwork he was provided and agreed it was the right choice for him. After all my research i realize it is not easy. I have since apologized to my sister and now i have started the process for myself and my family is very supportive, except my younger son, who sounds just like i did. But this is for my health so he had best accept it. Your family are probably worried, give them as much info as you can find, if you are strong in your commitment they will eventually support you, so be strong.

Hello Surgery Twin!   I had the exact same posting a few months ago once I was booked for surgery and let my closest family members know.  Although my hubby was very supportive of the decision, both my kids and my mother had "private" conversations with me on their concerns re this "elective surgery" but I know they came from a place of love for my health and welfare.  I gave them responses as advised by members of this board but also let them know that I was going forward and really needed their support and love through the process regardless.  I also started going to a couple of WLS support groups and they have really helped me see how real people have managed and come through this process with such positive results.  Even with complications (which are unusual), everyone has said how much they love their WLS and the results! My resolve never wavered and yours won't either...hang in there!

Thanks surgery twin.

I look forward to sharing this journey with you. Its going to be a wonderful ride :)

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what I told Karol because it is a good way of putting it.

 

Repeat after me:

"While I appreciate and understand your concerns about the surgical nature of the program. My physicians and I feel this is the best medical solution for me at this time. It will give me the best chance at long term success.

Right now I need your love, understanding and support. I understand if you cannot provide that, but I would love to have you as my rock at this time."

Virtually no one ever says "no" when it is put like that.

 

People don't question me. They didn't before. They didn't after... though I do get a lot of "no... no... what ELSE have you been doing besides the surgery. That cannot be all you are doing". I still think it may be because I am tall and they figure I will thump them. *eyebrow wiggle*

Jokes aside...

My father was very supportive when I told him I was going to do it, and even encouraged me. It was the week after surgery that he expressed doubts and regrets thinking he pushed me toward it. It made me realize that some worry that supporting us may seem like they are pushing us into it, and sometimes people question us not to dissuade us for the sake of dissuading us, but rather to make sure we truly need to do it this way.

I hope that makes sense.

Shell

LOL I am going to print out your bolded paragraph on index cards and the minute the discussion is up for debate again I will just hand out those cards.  That's a great paragraph and very encouraging. 

Yesterday I was ready to throw the towel in completley even though I wanted this so bad but my friend Jen, she is also on here, gave my head a little shake and made me realize I was talking stupid.

I like your way of dealing with the negative and I will definately use those words during my next battle.