Open letter to Body Dysmorphia....

MAry - maybe posting an 8x10 of a pre-op picture on your mirror would help? I tell Chris often that I don't like the way I look - the muffin top is still there and makes me feel like I am not anything thinner. I know I am, and I know I am healthier but all I see is this roll of flub around my belly. IT does help me some to see an old picture because that allows me to realize that I HAVE come a long way - as have you!! You are certainly not the Mary that I met 2+ years ago in my apartment when you were a pre-op. You are an amazing lady and I pray that your (and MY!) head catches up with our body

*hugs*

Liz

Mary,
What a wonderful post. I am 14 months out and below my goal. With that being said, I weigh myself everyday. I feel sometimes that this is a dream and I will be back to 300 pounds again. I freek out if I am about my range. Since losing the weight I focus on other parts...like wrinkles. Since I am no longer "fluffy" I worry about ageing. I'm scared that I look really old now...it's always something. Thank God for wonderful supportive husbands. I just said to my 19 year old today that I feel really fat and I think everyone can see it. I know it's in my head. I'm just waiting for my head to catch up.

Thank you for sharing.

Tracy

Mary, I want you to know that I am glad you are able to get your feelings out.  I am still losing, but don't always believe it is me in the mirror when I look.  I have my 10 year old daughter helping me decide what outfit looks best some days because I am not sure if I can make that decision.  I look too fat, or too frumpy, or too bumpy.. etc. 

THEN, I go to a meeting last night and I get comments like where are you, you've disappeared.. and you're looking buff.  Today in Blue Bell, I get the wow you really look great.  My boss was just staring at me and said that she couldn't stop because she couldn't get over how different and great I looked.

Are these people talking to us when they say these nice things? It is such an amazing journey that we have embarked on and we have done a great job in successing.

We all need to try to accept the man/woman in the mirror as beautiful because of who is on the inside.  We are all beautiful in our own ways.  It's just accepting it that is the challenge. 

WE CAN DO IT!

So much to say dont even know where to start. It will have to wait until I am more awake

Mary, thanks for posting this,  And thanks to everyone else for your input.  I am 6 months out and now beginning to struggle with the same body image issues.  All of your thoughts echo in my mind too but I am going to fight back!!!! 

I love this group.......thank you alll sooooooooo much!

This is a great thread!!  Everyone experiences this in different ways.  I'm amazed at how many different ways there are.  I don't change my outfits, but I do worry about how I look in them.  I stand there and look down at myself and I feel like I can't see my feet!!  Just like when I was 100 lbs heavier!!  I can't figure it out!  I look like my stomach, gut (what ever you want to call it) sticks out sooo far!!  Then I look in the mirror....I see someone thin.  But then I blink and I'm that fat person again!!  Its like the thin person I see is like that because of a clown mirror!  When actually its the opposite!  You watch movies about girls with anorexia or bulimia and they show the girls looking in the mirror and they see a fat person.............THAT IS MY LIFE!!!!!  I'm not bulimic or anorexic, by far......but I see myself the same way they see themselves!  I get compliments from people all the time.  I just don't know how to change my mind image.  The only time the "image" I see doesn't change, is in a picture!!  I look at other woman and think, wow I would love to be that thin.  Someone then tells me I'm thinner than her!  I just don't see it.  I don't know if I ever will.  Especially after reading about everyone here, I may just have to live with seeing myself like this!!

Thank you for showing us and everyone showing me that we are all together in this journey!!  This is a wonderful board and I tend to do mostly lurking over here!! 

First of all, Mary, I know you don't want to hear this, but you are gorgeous!! Serioulsy, you aren't even average...you are extremely attractive. Anyway, (cause I know you don't believe me)lol, you (and the others that feel this way) may want to read the book, "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy". It's by a psychiatrist (I have to find his name) and it's all about depression and low self esteem due to US, distorting our thoughts!! It's quite deep, yet so true. It's a big book, but has actual exercises where you jot down, and analyze the thoughts you have about yourself (or others, or work or whatever) and you start to see how your words ARE NOT true, and how distorted alot of your thinking is. Anyway, I could go on and, but i suggest everyone get it.

I hear exactly what you are saying!! I am new to PA and my health insurance starts Thursday so I am trying to find a shrink that will help me with this. It really is horrible and no one can really understand unless they have been there.