How do you "see" yourself?

I am struggling with the way I see myself.  When I look at myself I still see the 272 pound Loree.  I cringe at pictures of me because I feel like I still look so big.  I know my clothes dont lie, and neither does the scale, but how do you translate that to your evil mind that keeps seeing the old you?  I feel like I am so much more critical of myself than I ever was at my old weight, and my self esteem is still low.  So I guess it is how do you get your mind to catch up to your body? Or is that a never ending losing battle?

It seems to be a recurring theme here and on other boards.  I'm 2 years out and having difficulty with body image.  For me, when I first lost all this weight so quickly, I felt amazingly beautiful and sexy.  I saw myself as a completely new creation.  I loved the comments and compliments I received almost daily.  Now, my body is the same -- I weigh the same; wear the same size clothes -- but I feel like I'm gaining weight.  I see bloat and sagging skin, wings, wrinkles.  I'm getting into therapy and coming back to support group meetings.  At least that's my plan.  I'd love to go back to feeling awesome, beautiful and sexy.  That was a euphoric feeling.

My husband tells me I am crazy for not seeing how much I have lost.  I see all the sagging skin and a huge tummy.  I cant afford to go back to therapy right now, so the support of everyone here will have to do right now.  Thanks for your reply.

Loree,

First, you're not crazy.  And I'm not far enough along to help you in terms of long-term perspective.  But we had a big conversation about this at one of the support groups a while ago and the term for it is "body dysmorphia."   Apparently, it's very common in varying degrees - and can go in either direction (people seeing themselves as thinner than they are, and as fatter than they are).

The best advice that I've heard is that it takes our minds 2 years FROM THE END OF THE LOSING PROCESS to catch up to where our bodies are - to the point where we're no long startled when we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror, or scrutinize every little change.  So for a lot of us, that will be 3 - 4 years (or more) out from the actual surgery (not counting time after any plastics or whatever). 

It's not a never-ending LOSING battle - but I think it's one that will be with all of us for a long time. 

Maybe see what you can find out there on body dysmorphia - maybe it will help put things into perspective.

HUGS!!!

Karen

It depends on what day. Sometimes I gasp when I see this normal person in the mirror and realize it's me. However, I saw a picture of myself the other night with my daughter and thought I looked as big as I did 68 lbs ago. My dear friend told me before surgery, way before, that I had to make peace with my body as it was if I was ever going to see myself normally and I tried. I would look in the mirror and thank my body for all of the things it did for me over the years. I thanked my big fat belly for helping to house my children, my fat sagging breasts for feeding them, my legs for helping me to get where I want to go - - - you get the picture!  I've also heard that there is a sort of emotional freedom in being overweight because we don't have to try to live up to social expectations. When we lose weight, we  find ourselves falling back under those labels.  It's a journey. One day, one step at a time.

SOmething that helps me - I'll be 3 years out in January, is looking at an old photo. POst it somewhere you see it every day - on the bathroom mirror (take it down when company comes if you want), on the fridge, on your closet door - where ever - then hang a recent picture right next to it or on the opposite side of the mirror so you always have that comparison to help "convice" yourself you are thin and beautiful! I too have a HARD time seeing this myself. My husband tells me all the time that I am beautiful and how much weight I have lost. ALl I see is the "muffin top", and the sagging skin.

Hope that this helps out some

Liz

I agree with Liz - post a before picture or carry one in your wallet or purse - when you start feeling 'fat' or 'ugly' pull that picture out and then look in a mirror - WOW is what you're going to say!!

I'm 19 months out and have lost 170 lbs (plus or minus depending on the day) - since I'm a little older than a lot of the ladies out here I have saggy skin on my chin, mondo bat wings, tummy flab and my thighs are absolutely horrible - oh, and I could stand to lose another 20-30 lbs.

I could focus on those things and drive myself crazy but I prefer to focus on the GOOD things I see when I look in the mirror. Even with saggy skin I see someone who looks younger, more vibrant, can do more and wants to do more. Sure, I could lose more weight - I'm still 'obese' by chart standards but I feel wonderful, I look better than I have in 30 years, and clothing hides a multitude of sins!!

Therapy is expensive, but support groups are free, so if you can find one close to your home then I would definitely join it - I know a lot of people (mostly women) are going through similar feelings as you right now. If you can't find a support group try positive affirmation to yourself - write down how you feel today as opposed to when you weighed 272 lbs - write down your WOW moments - take measurements. But mostly try to stop being so critical of yourself - nobody ever promised we'd turn into beauty queens thru this surgery - LOL!! 

Interesting...I was just talking about this at work last night.

I have not read all the responses, so I'm SURE I'm being repetitive here.

There are days that I see myself as I "am"  Then, there are days when I look at pictures of myself (currently) and don't recognize (literally) who I am looking at.  And there are days that I look at old pics of myself and can't believe I actually looked "like that"

I will keep this fairly short...but yes...it is a very long head battle.  Look back in the posts to read mary's post on "letter to body dysmorphia"  She summed it up beautifully.

I do find that when I look at OLD pictures of myself more often than not I am able to better see the "new me".  I try VERY hard to accept compliments as people pay them to me, and say thank you and MEAN it and take their words to heart.  Not always easy.  And I try to tell myself I look good, until I MEAN it.  Again - HARD to do.

And I lean on my support system and TRUST them.  If they say I look good in an outfit, then hot damn I do!  My support system is very honest....they will tell me if something looks to tight or not right or something like that....so when they say it is good - it is good.

Keep working at it.

Pam

I must be the odd ball on the Pa forum. All through HS and into my 20`s I was athletic and trim. In my 30`s I gradually got heavier lost and gained but have always remained active. When I was at my largest I still saw myself like in my 20`s and only if I saw a current picture did I see a fat guy but it felt like I was looking at a stranger.
My self image still in my head is the trim athletic me but with aches and pains. LOL I guess it`s good though because psychologically it hasn`t been any type of adjustment really.

The gray is the biggest adjustment but it gets me the senior citizen discount at Weis so even that is cool!

No, I am 6 years out, and feel pretty comfortable with myself and recognize the guy I look at in the mirror at this point. I was never athletic or trim as a youth.

I still know I have my physical flaws, but I tend not to get bent about them.

I daresay guys are a little easier on themselves when it comes to this kind of stuff.