Friends & WLS???

Have any of you lost friend(s) because you had the surgery? Or after the fact, treat you like you had the plague??? I believe this is happening to me. I could really use some advice on how to handle this. I'm am so sad to see and think that some people can be so self-center, shallow, insensitive and judgmental especially since this was MY decision, it is MY body and MY life! I feel totally shunned from people I thought were my friends. Thanks! Karla H. 247/231.5

As a matter of fact I have seen all kinds of changes in the people that I am around.. Back when I was huge men didn't mind that I hugged their wives now some of them are worried about it.. Hell I am the same person just 225 pounds less.. I mean I think I am basically the same person.. Then I also have people that didn't talk to me before wanting to talk to me.. So I am on both sides.. I don't have many close friends that I would notice them treating me differently.. I allows try to treat others the way I want to be treated so I don't think I have changed.. The friends that are with me now have been with me since I was big and they helped me through it all.. I have noticed that men are sort of threatened by me now.. But I don't see why.. I hope this gets better for you.. PEACE 464/409/238/214

Ramon, you sexy animal you, dont be coming around my wife and giving out hugs man...... LOL, J/K with you brother, keep up the good work.

As lovely as your wife is I would never do anything bad to her or you.. I have certain rules and since you are a police man I draw the line there.. LOL.. But I am sure your wife is loving the new you.. She will have her hands full with you.. Keep LOSING.. PEACE 464/409/238/214

HI there ! Well, unfortunatly, I think sometimes people just get so wrapped up in themselves, their selfishness and jealousy that they tend to take it out on others. I have lots of friends, family and loved ones that are soooo proud and happy for me, however, sometimes, they will make comments like, "well, glad you are doing good but I am mad becuase you now weigh less than me and I dont like that idea"....and I think to myself, so me being heavier than you was something you liked and used as a self confidence booster ??? It is frusterating and aggrevating, let me tell you but no matter what, just remain the same person on the inside and everything else will fall into place.I know that I have more confidence when I have to walk in front of people, talk to them, etc than I ever did at 340 pounds but for the most part, I am still the fat person on the inside that I always was. I dont mind, because that helps keep me grounded too. The people that are jealous and rude will come and go honey, but the ones that truly love you, admire you and are happy and proud for you will be around for a lifetime !! Best of luck, you are off to a great start !!! Hugs, Jen 340/175.5/???

Oh yes, Karla. I am sad to say it but yes. I have lost many friends due to WLS. While none of them were what I consider "good" friends, the pain is the same. The first time I saw my old neighbor from base housing after the surgery she acted like I was not there. I could see that the small part of her that is still human wanted to be happy for me, however, her black heart won out since she could not cope with the fact that I was smaller than she was. My neighbors, who are heavy but not even close to being MO were initially supportive until, once again, I became smaller than they were. It is sad but true that the human condition wants to see, read and smell failure. I wish I could tell you different, and perhaps they will still come around, but I guess you'll have to make new friends from group. There's lots of us. Traci

I'm sorry your so-called friends are giving you the cold shoulder, Karla. I really didn't have that problem because I only had 1 friend before my surgery and she was very supportive. If your friends are obese maybe they're jealous that you'll be losing weight and they won't or maybe they're upset because they lost an eating partner when you had your surgery. Who knows... maybe they just need some time to adjust to your new lifestyle and they'll remain your friends, maybe they won't. I really believe that a TRUE friend would be happy that you've been given a chance to regain your health, though, and would be supportive of you. Maybe it's just time to find new TRUE friends, darlin', and leave the unsupportive people who've turned their backs on you, behind. Good luck !!!

Well, I dont recall who I was talking to but it was a child therapist or something of that nature, and they made the comment to me that people that are not TRUE friends usually surround themselves with people that make them look better. For instance, someone who is self conscious about their weight may surround themselves with people that are larger than they are. Or, people who are self conscious about their looks will surround themselves with people that make them look better. I said all that to say this, if these people are not TRUE friends, you have in fact broken down that bond that made you friends to begin with. That may not be the case always, but it does happen. Your intentions were nothing but to be friends with these people but theirs was more selfish in nature. Make you some new friends and go on with your life, these people arent worth your friendship now.....................

Karla, I have been very fortunate and had all positive feedback from my friends. I have had some say things like "I don't like you anymore", or "your not invited because your too skinny". I know they are just teasing. I sure hope they are anyway. I have to say if you have lost friend because you made the decision to prolong your life and become healthy then they were most likely not your "true" friends in the first place. You can always turn to this board for friends. I know it is not the same as being able to have someone to go hang out with but maybe you can meet some people from the board that live near you and you can develope a true lasting friendship. Don't be sad, hold that head up high and believe in the decision you made. Best of luck on your continued weight loss. Debbie 306/191

Karla-----Sorry to hear about your "friends"---If your friends are treating you differently its because they are insecure. After weight lose surgery we become more confident in who we are. Changes are always going on for us and dropping weight and getting new things are a norm. Your friends aren't changing and more than most likely don't like themselves. Stay strong---you are doing great-----meet people in your support group and your daily life--------you'll make great friends who like you for who you are. Your in my prayers April