T Minus 20 hours... my feelings while counting down for surgery tomorrow!

What's going through my mind right now as I am less than 20 hours from the start of a whole new life and a whole new me:

My surgery is tomorrow... and I keep thinking "Do I really need to have surgery to lose weight?" and feeling like having surgery must be some kind of cosmic punishment for an obese woman who just couldn't get her **** together on her own... but then I realize that asking for help is ok, and that if I didn't need an extra tool to help me, I would have done it by now. I know what types of food to eat and how much of them are appropriate for serving sizes, but I have a portion control problem as well as an impulse problem... and that put me in the position I'm in now. And I'm definitely not better for it... I feel thin in my mind until I see a photo of myself or look in the mirror (which I really don't do all that often), and then I remember just what I look like... and then I start thinking about how uncomfortable it is to be inside of my body in my clothing, with my thighs rubbing together so much I wear pants down well before their expiration date, how my knees, feet and back ALWAYS hurt, how my blood glucose is high, even after fasting all night, and how I've been on blood pressure medications for the past six years.

I think when I'm having those doubts about whether or not I should go through with it: I'm #1) scared ****less about having surgery... I think being a nurse and knowing what can and does happen is possibly doing me a disservice, and #2) still trying to work out grieving for food, which has been such a comfort to me basically my whole life... I ate to celebrate, to console, when I was tired, bored, sick and angry, I ate because it tasted good and also just because it was around... hardly any of the times I ate just because I was hungry or needed the nutrients. And that's something that I've been going through a whirlwind of emotions about. It's stupid kind of when I think about it-- food is just nutrition, but for me all my life it hasn't been just about nutrition, and it's a big shift to know now that the food I will be eating will be basically just to give my body what it needs. I mean, if I have room left after my two liters of water and 60 grams of protein every day then I can have a bit or two of something that may satisfy some craving or other, but really, what's the point? And I don't want to be in that mindset anyhow-- one bite here and one bite there is how all of my obesity problems started anyhow. People keep telling me that we should be eating to live, not living to eat, which I know conceptually, and am still working hard at embracing this idea in my mind as a fact and in my life as a behavior.

Anyhow, now I'm rambling. My surgery is early tomorrow morning, and I know I'll be better for it in the long run... (hopefully) no more diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and being unable to walk at a good clip and talk without becoming breathless and sweaty (and wearing cute jeans and tops from non-plus sized stores won't be so bad either!). I'm looking forward to living a long and full life and know that bariatric surgery will help me get there.

is all i can offer.  mine is on wednesday.

My surgery is on Wednesday and I am having some of the same feelings as you. I think it's pretty normal. I will be thinking of you tomorrow ! *hugs*

my surgery is early tomorrow too and I am in the same mind set you are. However I do know that we will be so much happier on the other side we are gonna do great! I have the same demon as you Mr headhunger. he is a mean one. I am so glad I realized that before surgery because now after surgery I can adjust myself to kick his arse out of my life. I am going to do this, you are going to do this and we are gonna be healthier and happier

Another hug coming your way.

You are about a month or so ahead of me but all of these same thoughts have started creeping in my head. Something I keep reminding myself is that quote by Einstein about the definition of insanity - repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Best of luck to you tomorrow, please come on and let us know how great you are feeling!

Thank you for saving my time to type all that, cause those are my exact sediments!  (Except I'm not a nurse. LOL!)  My surgery is in 14 days! Yep, 2 weeks from today, I'll have an IV and be ready to go in at 11:00!  We're going to feel alot better and have more confidence in ourselves! We still have a long life ahead of us and I want to enjoy that time healthy, thin and sexy! LOL!!!  Congratulations on your surgery today, you're going to do great! What is it they say, sip, walk, fart?! LOL!

Good morn:  Being in the health profession I'm sure you didn't make this decision quickly?  My best friend said  hey some one is handing you a life jacket you can choose to grab on or  sink. We all come to the conclusion or should I say reality we can't do it on our own we have  failed  many attempts to loose wt. I had quit even trying. I'm almost a year out and that is hard to get my  mind around  My wt lose has been steady with a couple of stalls which is the way it works.   You r feeling what we have all experienced alot of  emotions. You have  given and given of your self to others  being a nurse I know. Now It is your turn  you have  worked hard   You  deserve  to be  healthy to live life. YOU R SO WORTH IT!  Just wait when you see the lbs dropping you will be glad you did it.  Relax enjoy the ride you are in for an incredible journey a new chapter in your life.  Best wishes & great success.  Sincerely Dolly

I am less than a week out. Saying goodbye to an old and dear comforting friend is very difficult. I have ms an every time I have a really bad pain I would comfort myself with a chocolate chip cookie ( and not a little one) did it make the pain go away? Not really. Did it give me some pleasure when I desperately needed it? Yes. The only problem is that I have a lot of pain all the time and there is no cure for ms. Then there is relationship stress, kid stress, life stress and those food rewards add up. It is time to start thinking about the "new cookie" for me (insert your favorites) because I too do not relate to the person staring back at me in that dredded mirror. The person I feel I am is at least 60 pounds thinner and it is shocking how long it has been since I have actually seen her looking back at me. Now when I have a pain I go make a cup of tea and just sit for a minute and breath. Take the time to give yourself a gift of creating a new relaxing moment. 5 days out of surgery and I have already lost over 3 pounds. That is way better than a chocolate chip cookie! I know I needed this. I always used to say to myself that there was NOTHING I wouldn't do for my children but even with that I was still gaining weight at a rate of at least 10 pounds a year. I felt powerless. Well now I can really say that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them including getting rid of this old weight to be a happier person and a more active mom. This is the best gift you could give yourself. Hang in there, have faith in your doc and anesthesiologist and get ready for the ride of your life hugs and good luck!!!!

I understand how you are feeling too............I have mine on May 26th.  I keep feeling like "why can I not loose this on my own and KEEP it off"?  In the last two years I have lost a total of 80 pounds.  And I have gained back 60 of it.  Am I copping out?  I am 38 a mother of three...run two business' and I can't control my weight!
I have fibromyalgia, and I always feel better when I move more...........but with more weight, the harder it gets and the cycle continues!
My highest weight was 229.........I am 212 now.........I should be 140.
I am nervous as heck!  My husband is so scared that I'll have complications, that 10 years down the road I'll totally regret what I have done.  But he has never had weight issues, he's thin, never carried 3 children............and CAN eat whatever he wants!  All we women want is to feel and look beautiful for ourselves and our husbands.  I want to put on a pair of jeans and feel like I can tuck in my shirt if I want to, not trying to hide the bulge!

My surgery is Wednesday also so I'm on countdown mode too.  I'm with you on some of your sentiments.  I also realize that I have to change my attitude toward food, basically re-learn the purpose of food.  I am battling diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc., etc. etc. So I am so looking forward to the long run talong with you! 

But for me there has been no question, I DEFINITELY know that I need surgery to lose weight!  I tried for the last few years and all I could lose was 18 lbs.  I'm on that vicious hamster wheel - I need to exercise to lose weight, but I need to lose weight to exercise.  And I don't think of it as punishment, I look at it as a BLESSING, a second chance at thing called living.

So I pray for all of us who are taking this step toward health this week, let's get ready to be LOSERS!!!