Felt Like Crying
OK, our surgery practice requires a gallbladder ultrasound, an upper GI barium swallow and cardiac clearance. So today I went in for the first two tests. I had to pay towards my deductible and for some reason writing that check made it seem so *real*, and all those doubts and fears bubbled up in the waiting room and I almost cried! I'm not a weenie, I promise.
I felt scared of surgery, embarrassed about being fat, defeated in my efforts to eat properly on my own, and bewildered by the whole medical establishment. I've never had anything more exciting happen than having my wisdom teeth pulled. Everyone kept asking me where it hurt and why I was having these tests, and I said "pre-surgery clearance" but it wasn't enough - sleeve gastrectomy seemed to do the trick.
I'm so glad I could come back and read your posts. Thanks.
But I figured that all of it was my "insurance policy" that all would be fine with surgery -- and it was !!!
Put a new spin on the pre-op tests and count each one as another stepping stone to good health !
As for the surgery, read my blog page for an account of a very good and easy surgical experience. Might make you feel better. I have had dental work worse than this procedure. Just make up your mind that you are going to do exactly what your doctor says and be prepared for the changes in your life. It is so awesome to have the weight off I can't even tell you. So let those emotions run their course and then get ready for a life changing experience. you will be so glad you did this. Diane
Thanks for your kind words guys! I am glad to get everything checked out. The women doing the Upper GI were super positive about the sleeve - they knew all about it and congratulated me on having the insurance to cover it instead of a bypass. It is all that emotional stuff...
I weighed 254 when I graduated from high school, and more than I do now when I was in college. The 6 or 7 years I spent under 200 pounds in my late 20s/early 30s were amazing. I remember putting my hands on a ledge behind me and jumping up to sit on it - I flew up into the air! I could walk for miles, ride a bike, do a backwards somersault. I could sit on an airplane and cross my legs.
Today, I want to hold a plank in Pilates for more than a minute, and do all those exersizes that my big butt and stomach get in the way of (roll-over, here I come!). That's really what I'm most looking forward to, besides improved mobility and fitting back into a plane seat comfortably.
OMG, I promise not to become a fat blamer!! Pinky-swear! I know we have the metabolism of hunter-gatherers while living in the land of abundant refined carbohydrates. I also promise it is not my goal to be a teeny tiny skinny person. I would be thrilled to be under 180 (what I weighed in middle school).