MORE relationship problems :-(

So... you have all been so supportive so far... I am sorry to sound like a broken record... I am just so drained.

DH and I are getting divorced.  He was abusive and I finally was just done, but he can still really mess with my head... I hate that I'm not stronger than that, but I'm not :-(

He has a new girl friend... I am totally fine with that, I have been out a few times myself... we agreed on that 6 weeks ago... we have lived apart since April.

Anyway, he called to night to talk about the divorce papers now that my surgery is over... he is making me file...

He told me that I am a selfish ***** and that this surgery just proved it.  I don't care about him or our daughter and I have obviously been ******g around on him since at least February because there isn't any other reason that he can see why I wouldn't give him another chance.  He blames it all, 110% on me and he is "******g pissed" that I think he was abusive in any way (which I never said to him) and that our problems weren't that bad, and mostly my fault anyway.

After all that he said that he still is willing to work on our relationship... even thouhg he has been with this new girl for a month and really cares about her he is "willing to walk away"... what a prince!

there was so much more, but that's the gist.... sigh.

Sorry to keep complaining. 

You don't need to have your own strength just take from us here on the boards when you need it.  I haven't seen your posts but just wanted to share that with you.

You ARE by far stronger then you think you are!! 

Ms Shell

DRAMA!! Well, my advice for you is to stop accepting his calls.  Only discuss the progress of the divorce and your child.  Don't allow him to bring any other crap into the conversations. Give every conversation a 2-4 moniute time limit.  After that point hang up. That will limit him to only time to figure out when court dates are or what is going on in the life of your child.  If he starts going into any crap that could make you feel bad just hang up.  You don't have to listen to that mess!  My ex tried that same thing.  It was difficult to cut it off because at some point you get used to the disfunction, and being dragged into the drama. You have to be the one to put an end to it. Don't allow him to make digs at you.  You had the surgery to BE THERE for your child and be able to live a healthy life.  How THAT is selfish is beyond me. Don't listen to his non-sense.

Thanks guys... I know I need to cut him off, it is just hard because he gets so mad...  I worry he'll take it out on her :-(

By her meaning his new GF or your child? If you're concerned about his new GF.. you need to stop it. She'll figure out what a prize he is at some point I'm sure.. She's an adult and can walk away if she doesn't like it. If it's your daughter you're concerned about, definitely start logging the issues as they happen.. dates, what's said etc and talk to your lawyer asap, you need to watch out for his behavior if he's sharing any custody.

 He has been with a new girlfriend, he is very disrespectful with his words, you said he is abusive...  Enough said, move on, keep up the weight loss, and find someone who is moral, respectful, loving and understanding, who isn't a drunk and is law binding, then you will be able to keep a relationship.  :)  This guy is no good for you or your child/children, you shouldn't be considering getting back with him on no condition.  May sound easier said then done, but it isn't even questionable.  Your life only lasts so long and you aren't even promised tomorrow, why waste it on a loser who brings you doen, don't you know how many men are out there who were raised better then that?  Print this out and read it every single day, karma will get him one day, as for you, you need to enter your new world and fight continue to be stronger and stronger each day!  You can do it!

BY ALL MEANS BECAREFUL, AND DO SPEAK WITH A LAWYER.AND STAY STRONG.

Sounds like my ex husband, he was the reason I didnt have surgery 8 years ago when I first wanted to but thankfully Im divorced and have been for 4 years now. The best advice I can give you and its so totally hard to do this but its worth it.... Know that you DO NOT have to talk to him, you DO NOT have to listen to him, and you most certainly DO NOT have to put up with his crap. It took me a year to figure out that I did not have to have hour long insulting "talks" with my ex once I left him. Now the only time I talk to him is if its about our son and that is usually only done through text because no matter what he will say something insulting and get me mad. You have no obligation to this man, you know he is full of crap and is wrong in what he says so dont let him keep telling you that stuff, hang up the phone and dont answer if he calls back, dont listen to messages left just ignore him completely. It takes much hard work on your part to keep that going but trust me it is so worth it once they dont have that control over you anymore!!

If you ever had doubts, that behavior right there should seal the deal!

I agree with the above poster, if you are concerned about him harming your daughter, you MUST take action!

Good luck and come here anytime, we will listen!

You are much stronger than you think, from the convo you posted I hear emotional abuse, name calling etc.. Limit convo's wih him and don' let him talk to you like that when he calls names tell him I only talk to people who speak respectfully and hang up. No one needs to listen to that knd of junk from any one. So sorry for you, I hope things get better, hang in there. Lots of love and a big hug to you!

Babs