NSV & OT vent, prayers needed
Went to visit my family practice doctor for recheck on my post-op pnuemonia and to have my 3 month labs drawn. (My surgeon moved out of state a month after my surgery.) I received the results today and my cholesterol is all within normal range, my A1C is down from 6.0 to 5.7 (improving), and everything else looks great!
My off topic vent is regarding my baby brother. He is 26 yrs old and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on his second birthday. Shortly after his 18th birthday he was diagnosed as bipolar and has attempted to commit suicide several times. His most recent attempt was this week and he is currently in ICU because he stopped taking his insulin and was in diabetic ketoacidosis. My mother doesn't want to share any of this with any extended family members so I can't really post anything on FB which is my go to vent place. I understand that depression & bipolar are chemical imbalances, but I have a hard time giving him any sympathy because this is something he chose to do to himself. I love my brother but in the last 8 years he has stopped taking his insulin at least 5 times, tried to hang himself twice. It gets harder and harder to care. I love him but I don't truly believe he wants to die. If he did he knows it would be quicker and easier to give himself too much insulin. Also he has been in the care of a psychiatrist and chooses to go off his meds. This time he has been off his meds for 4 months. Then when my parents or myself try to show him some concern or love he yells at us. Or when the hospital staff tries to explain to him he cusses at them and yells at them... It is very frustrating! I just want to yell at him "You did this to yourself! Suck it up!" I was at the hospital until 3 am this morning and have been super low on sleep so my eating has been non existant until tonight when I at everything I could get in my hands! I don't want to backslide in my weight loss because of someone else. I thought I had beaten this emotional eating!
Sorry so long... just had to get it out somewhere!
My off topic vent is regarding my baby brother. He is 26 yrs old and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on his second birthday. Shortly after his 18th birthday he was diagnosed as bipolar and has attempted to commit suicide several times. His most recent attempt was this week and he is currently in ICU because he stopped taking his insulin and was in diabetic ketoacidosis. My mother doesn't want to share any of this with any extended family members so I can't really post anything on FB which is my go to vent place. I understand that depression & bipolar are chemical imbalances, but I have a hard time giving him any sympathy because this is something he chose to do to himself. I love my brother but in the last 8 years he has stopped taking his insulin at least 5 times, tried to hang himself twice. It gets harder and harder to care. I love him but I don't truly believe he wants to die. If he did he knows it would be quicker and easier to give himself too much insulin. Also he has been in the care of a psychiatrist and chooses to go off his meds. This time he has been off his meds for 4 months. Then when my parents or myself try to show him some concern or love he yells at us. Or when the hospital staff tries to explain to him he cusses at them and yells at them... It is very frustrating! I just want to yell at him "You did this to yourself! Suck it up!" I was at the hospital until 3 am this morning and have been super low on sleep so my eating has been non existant until tonight when I at everything I could get in my hands! I don't want to backslide in my weight loss because of someone else. I thought I had beaten this emotional eating!
Sorry so long... just had to get it out somewhere!
HW: 245lbs SW:232lbs; CW: 206.2lbs; GW:125lbs Height 5ft 2in
Hi Jessica- I'm so happy for your good news and I'm sorry you are having trouble with your brother's problems. Siblings of people with mental illness often are put in a really tough position during these times. It's extra hard for both you and your mom that she needs to keep the issues secret. If the stress is leading you down the wrong path venting to us is ok with me but you may need more insight than we can give. Have you thought about therapy to look into the lifetime of stress cused by having a sick sibling? His suicide attempts and non-compliance with his med program are traumatic for you also. Unfortunately you most likely can't change your brother's behaviors but you can work on how you react to it and how to not let it hurt you so much. I think it's natural to be angry when someone you love is making such bad choices so don't be too hard on yourself. I hope things get better soon.
putting one foot in front of the other... 
Oh Jessi, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Vent away, friend! We're all here for you!
I have no words of wisdom for you, but this much I know: you cannot control your brother. The only thing you can control is yourself. Emotional eating is just a temporary feel good experience; you don't want to do that to yourself.
Hang in there! Sending hugs and good vibes your way~~~~~
I have no words of wisdom for you, but this much I know: you cannot control your brother. The only thing you can control is yourself. Emotional eating is just a temporary feel good experience; you don't want to do that to yourself.
Hang in there! Sending hugs and good vibes your way~~~~~
Oh dear.... as a social worker and a mom, and a sister, I know the pain you are going though. My baby brother died last year, 2 weeks short of his 50th birthday, of the swine flu. He was a childhood cancer survivor, who became a chronic dope smoker to combat the problems of the chemo and radiation as a teenager. He ranted and raved, and we his family, suffered with him, seperate, but suffering just the same. It lasted until he was in his late 20's. He made up for lost time from 30 to 49; but we lost him to the flu...and to the ravages of radiation administered 30 years before.....
But I do recall all too well the days and hours he spent in psychiatric hospitalizations, ICU units, not taking his meds...I understand the anger you feel and the pain, the pain of watching a vital young man hurting himself, and of having to watch the pain on your parent's faces....sigh.
All you can really do is just be there. Be there to listen to him rant; Be there to listen to your parents and their pain...find good friends who will listen to you, and find a healthy outlet for yourself. Walking, exercising, swimming....sometimes when I'm on the treadmill I try to stomp out the name of my ex husband !!!!
20 years ago I might have told you to disengage from the family or try to stay away to keep your sanity....but after losing my brother, I know deep down that I did everything at every juncture that I could to be there for him; even when he couldn't say he wanted me there.
I hope and pray that he pulls through. The social worker in me has to say that The problem with those who are bi-polar is that when they are on an "up" -- nothing can stop them, they are super-man, never sick, never sad, never vulnerable....they cannot feel that part of themselves; but when the depression hits, it hits hard, and the mental illness compliles on the physical illness, and the hard living of the "high" life ....and it's bad. I've watched my clients do this, and it's very hard to watch.
Be there, be present; but protect your heart a bit. Help your parents to understand that nothing they did caused this, it just is what it is. You might see if there is a support group for families of those with mental illness near you. NAMI usually has listings.
PM me if I can help.
But I do recall all too well the days and hours he spent in psychiatric hospitalizations, ICU units, not taking his meds...I understand the anger you feel and the pain, the pain of watching a vital young man hurting himself, and of having to watch the pain on your parent's faces....sigh.
All you can really do is just be there. Be there to listen to him rant; Be there to listen to your parents and their pain...find good friends who will listen to you, and find a healthy outlet for yourself. Walking, exercising, swimming....sometimes when I'm on the treadmill I try to stomp out the name of my ex husband !!!!
20 years ago I might have told you to disengage from the family or try to stay away to keep your sanity....but after losing my brother, I know deep down that I did everything at every juncture that I could to be there for him; even when he couldn't say he wanted me there.
I hope and pray that he pulls through. The social worker in me has to say that The problem with those who are bi-polar is that when they are on an "up" -- nothing can stop them, they are super-man, never sick, never sad, never vulnerable....they cannot feel that part of themselves; but when the depression hits, it hits hard, and the mental illness compliles on the physical illness, and the hard living of the "high" life ....and it's bad. I've watched my clients do this, and it's very hard to watch.
Be there, be present; but protect your heart a bit. Help your parents to understand that nothing they did caused this, it just is what it is. You might see if there is a support group for families of those with mental illness near you. NAMI usually has listings.
PM me if I can help.
Briar Rose 
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs.
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs. 
When I was 34 and my big brother was 35 he committed suicide. It tore my family apart. My younger brother blames my parents and has not spoken to them since the funeral, 12 years ago. He has children my parents have never met.My sisters stand by him, and are 'ok' with my parents.
My parents are two of my best friends, they are incredible people and I love them sooooooo much.
Our family was so close when we were young. This has, as I mentioned above, ripped our hearts out and tore our family apart...
My brother had gone of his meds. Left a wife and young daughter behind, 4 brothers and sisters, parents and friends...
I am sorry you are going through this... I miss my brother so much, we had a special bond and would chat long distance into the night when he was down...
Anyway, I am thinking of you... hang in there, be good to yourself, fill your body with nutrition, water and vitamins, get lots of 'me' time... take extra special care ok?
Big hugs of understanding,
Cindy
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