what I am looking forward to most

after having surgery is finally being able to reset my body...and with all this preparation....resetting my mind. 

I apparently have some kind of childhood trauma/shame that i have "forgotten" to protect myself (lots of work with a therapist).  I know I have always used food to protect myself too...maybe to keep the trauma away (but by doing that it it has created it's own trauma)

It was embarrasing to be asked how many diets I had been on...i can't even count...i have been dieting since I was 14. I feel like I could navigate any diet and stick to all the rules of any diet that was presented to me...then that trauma and shame stepped back up and took over. 

I am sooo excited to be able to take a little break from food.  to kick it's ass, take away it's power i have given it, then shake hands with it and let it know it's for nurtrition only and it will no longer rule my life. 

i am nervous of what my mind will do when all the fat is gone and that protection is gone...it will have to let me see what happened and deal with it...but i really want that opportunity, even if it causes me intense emotional pain...i know the pain will get better....

crazy that I need to try to convince myself to trust myself to take care of myself and love myself into healing.

hmmm 

ok if anyone followed all that and understood any of that...you get a gold star :)

i'm not going to lie..for the longest time..my mind and body were in two different places. It will take time. Just know you got support. You are doing fantastic! we all struggle in our own way. You got to keep fighting! You got this girl!

thank you :)

"crazy that I need to try to convince myself to trust myself to take care of myself and love myself into healing. "

The hardest thing to ever do it to take care of YOU!!!

I to had a lot of chilhood trama that caused me to protect myself my adding on many lbs of "protection" and my therapist taught me. 

First I must say- therapy is my #1 tool in fighting my weight- than my sleeve Without my therapy I know there is no way I could of taken this amazing journey. I highly recommend to continue with it.

I also stuggle with forgiveness. Forgiving myself for so many years of not taking care of myself- and self-hatred-very sad. But each day it get's easier and losing the weight catapulted me into realizing I am beautiful and I deserve to be happy. And taking care of yourself is SO IMPORTANT  and when you do that it opens up so many amazing doors.

GOOD LUCK!!!