OT... How soon is TOO soon for a boy friend to move in???

I understand your hesitation especially with your daughter to think about. My husband moved in with me after just 3 weeks of dating... and we've been married for 13 years :)
I think whatever you choose to do (immediately, wait a few months, etc) if something happens and you two don't stay together, you've come so far on your journey and it's clear that you've a very competent woman and can handle anything!

I can only share my experience. I met, fell in love with, a wonderful man. We moved in together after about 4 months. My son was about 3.5 years old at the time. He was the first man I had seriously dated since leaving my son's bio father while I was pregnant. The only man I allowed my son to be around. I was extremely selective and didn't allow men that I dated be around my son, BUT something was different with A. He loved my son as his own, we had a great life, rarely argued, he loved me and my son unconditionally.

So, we move in, life is fabulous. About 6 months in, he decided to leave his teaching/coaching career and venture into real estate. I supported us 100%. Least to say, he sucked at sales, leasing, and marketing. Not a good fit, but I supported his endeavor. We lived together for a year.

I was an insurance agent. I had traveled to West Texas (8 hours from our home) for a business weekend trip. On my way home, I called him just to check in, and he said "I have to tell you something" I was like "okay", his words crushed me "I've moved out, I haven't been honest with you, my truck is up for repossession, I've gone into the red with my checking account,  rent is due and I didn't pay it (we split bills) and my parents will not help me unless I stop living in sin and move in with them." His parents didn't believe in shacking up before marriage. He literally packed up the house, while my son sat there witnessing all of it with his parent's help, and my son asking" why are we taking that stuf to their housef". I could NOT get to my son. My father was on a lake trip 6 hours away, my mother was in Oklahoma with my step-dad for a family trip and there was no one there to help me, or get my son. I had to drive that 8 hour drive panicking on how we were going to recover from this, and how my son was ever going to get through it. I didn't care about me, our relationship, I was so worried about my son. I lived with guilt for years because of what my son had witnessed. Luckily, I was able to get my own apartment with my brother as a roommate, and move forward. My son for months wanted to know where "A" was, and why he disappeared, why we moved, we he had to change sitters etc etc. It was a horrific experience for us. I tried working it out with A for 4 months, but I could never trust him again. Plus, as a 29 year old man, his parents gave him a curfew, took his truc****il they caught up the payments, and he started working, and he wasn't allowed to see me after 8pm. Then, he started screwing one of my friends, got her pregnant, she didn't tell him she had genital herpes and didn't tell him she was pregnant until she was more than 12 weeks pregnant, he went back to teaching, was miserable, and disgusted, BUT he ended up marrying her because of the pregnancy even though he said he never would. Least to say, it took me years to have another serious relationship, and I never allowed my son to be close to  another man I dated (he met 2 others because they had kids as well, but we never "shared" the boyfriend/girlfriend/exclusive title, it was more like "playdates at the park with our kids", until my now husband, and that was a long 5 years. Children are resilient, and my son did recover, but he struggled with abandoment issues because I was not there, couldn't get there fast enough, and he was just down right confused.

Point of the story is, if you think it's forever, waiting a few more months will not be detrimental to your relationship. I truly believe that you have to be with someone through all the seasons of a year and a couple of "life happens" situations to see how they manage with chaos, trauma and emergencies. That's just my opinion. This is all coming from a woman, who packed up her 9yr old son, her cat, and 1/3 of her worldly possessions and moved 1800 miles from everything she had known for 30 years to be with a man who is 6 years younger, never had kids, didn't promise me marriage, we weren't engaged. Now, here we are, 4 years later (married) together for 6 years, expecting our 2nd child, and living a gorgeous life. We waited 18 months before we moved in together. BUT, we only spent around 31-32 days together physically before I made the move to MA from TX to be with him. Crazy? Yep. Would I do it again? Without a doubt. Not going to lie, it's not always daisies and rainbows, we have issues as a blended family, and of course, we try to navigate through all of it, but, I have zero regrets the "hows" behind our relationship.

 You dont really know a person for at least 12 mo. Your still in the honeymooon best behavior stage. 

First, the guy sounds terrific and I hope he's everything you believe he is!

Second, you're in the honeymoon stage of dating.  All of his warts and all of your warts haven't made an appearance yet - and you know they will.  So, it might be more convenient or financially beneficial to have him move in, but it feels way too soon to me.  Let him get a six month lease somewhere and see where all this goes.

Very best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.

Congrats on your new found love

now for the advice--sounds too soon to me. if he's over 2-4 times a week already and helps around and you make good money then what is the rush?? You know in your gut that you are not 100% abt this- and it's for a reason. give it some time, you'll get to know the wonderful man even more and your daughter will appreciate the Mommy and me time better .

best of luck!!

Thanks for all of the responses guys :-)

I'm still not sure what I want to do... I feel that I have a few protections... it's my house, wouldn't be financially dependent on him, stuff like that...

We've already talked about marriage... babies... but maybe Summer would be better... that would put us at 6 months...

Maybe I'm just to practical, but it seems silly to maintain 2 households... and I trust him with my daughter 100%... I just don't want her to get hurt... but if that's how I think will I never bring anyone into our life?

LOTS and lots to think about for sure!!!

I asked myself the same questions. A and I were engaged to be married. We had a joint apartment. Not his or mine, it was ours. I was not financially dependent on him, etc etc. We paid mututal bills together, and our own separate bills separate, like vehicle and insurance payments.

I understand the practical side of it, I promise. I trusted him with my child, he was a teacher, a coach, had 6-7 years experience with children, his parents were fabulous to me and my son, they called me their daughter, and my son their grandson even though they disagreed with us living together.

Impractical or not, 2 households is easy to maintain than dealing with a broken-hearted child, or a rushed relationship where the damage can not be repaired.

Like I said, it took me 5 long years to get into another serious relationship. I dated A LOT. I was not ready for a relationship after that one, and I surely was NOT ready to allow my son to be involved.

People were amazed that our relationship ended. Seriously, I had no idea he had been lying to me about this stuff, I had no clue that he was capable of packing up his stuff and moving out while I was so far away.

It's a tough place to be, I understand but I just remember how difficult it was for my son to overcome that situation. My husband to this very day still believes C has some degree of separation anxiety if he can't see me, and he's almost 14 yrs old. He could be in his room, and I might be outside, in the garage, or just in the bathroom, and if when he left the common area of the house while I was watching TV or doing dishes, he will come in, look around and ask my husband "Dad, where's my momma?" John will tell him "she's in the _____" and he'll say "okay". He doesn't need or want anything, other than to know I have no left without telling him.

I do get SO hung up on my daughter possibly getting hurt... she already has to deal with her dad... who has SERIOUS issues...

On the other hand, she has special needs and is exhausting... it's hard to understand if you haven't been down that road, but it is SO amazing to have another supportive adult around.  

I don't know how I will ever let him know what he's really in for until he lives it... but true, more time may provide a clearer picture...

You should be  "hung up" on your kid's safety.

I raised a special needs child alone with no support of any kind. I know how hard it is. But you can do this alone. I AM NOT PASSING JUDGEMENT. But, there are ALOT of red flags here. A decent guy would not want to move in with a woman who has a special needs child who he has only known for 2 months.

I am sorry to tell you this, but you are way too concerned about his welfare. Who cares if he has to pay rent like you do. Who cares if he doesn't know what he is in for with a special needs child. Your concerns should only be for your daughter.

I say this with only respect for you; you have had a bad husband, and you previously admitted you have dumped other bad men....what makes you think your choice in men is 20/20 now?

I believe you made up your mind before you posted the question today. I only pray,  you have read all these posts and change your mind.

Be blessed my dear one,

Sharon 

 i have to say i agree 100% with sharon. it's so important to remember - children in general are at the greatest risk for abuse and children with special needs even more so. i would strongly suggest you look into support systems (outside of this relationship) that can help you with the stressers of taking care of your daughter - and be prepared to walk this road as a single mom.  i too would be hard pressed to find a really great, available guy who's anxious to take on that type of responsibilty.  you should be on SUPER guard when it comes to your daughter - you just can't afford to make a mistake with this - it could cost her everything (even more than hurt feeling). since you've posted this request for feedback there must be some sense of apprehension. err on he side of caution - PLEASE.