Keeping it private from certain jerks in your life.. Ex's! Advice?

Why do you care that they know you have lingerie or have had WLS?  Neither one of those things is abnormal or bad.  Who cares?

As far as it being hard...  as a mother, I would gladly take the hard consequences of my decision rather than allow my child to suffer from it.  I don't even get why there's a question there.  Protect your children, allow them to enjoy their childhood, and get them out of the middle of your bickering with your ex. 

I guess I'm lucky that my ex and I work really hard at being friends and being kind to each other because we value our daughter's well-being above everything else in either of our lives.  If that were not the case, I wouldn't give a damn what he said about me to her.  I live my life as a role model to her and foster open communication and a strong relationship with her.  There's absolutely nothing he could say about me that would ever change my relationship with my daughter.  Even at the age of 6, she knows better. 

WLS is nothing to be ashamed of.  I don't know what they could say about it that you're so afraid of, or why you feel that being open about this information is ultimately going to harm you.

 I'm in a similar situation with my ex and his wife. They are always drilling my kids asking and then commenting on my business. I boil it all down to jealousy. My kids hate being caught in the middle too. So although they know what's happening and the details, they have respected my privacy. When they are getting grilled, they simply tell their father that it's private and if he wanted to know more he should ask me directly. Fair enough! However, the fool knows I'll tell him it has nothing to do with him!

Personally, I don't plan on saying anything. Let them talk and gossip all they want. It's not my concern anymore. It wasn't my concern the minute we signed the divorce papers. I've got bigger fish to fry. 

As with anything, everyone handles things differently. We don't know all of the facts. I hope you find peace with whatever you choose. Aloha!

One funny thing that happened a few years ago....  my husbands ex was grilling the then 9 year old who is the oldest about something.    Stepdaughter was tired of all the questions and simply said to her mother "Why don't you call and ask them if you want to know?"      It just so happen that my husband was on the phone with the youngest and heard the whole thing.     WE laughed so hard.    At least when they were at our house we never asked about what happened at their mothers.   It was a safe place where they were kids and not in the middle of adult things.  

While others may disagree I don't think you have to tell them if you don't want to its your personal life & if your children are old enough to understand and respect that then you owe no explanations to your ex. Your not asking them to lie but to respect your privacy.

 As a child of divorce, I can tell you that I have respect for my father more than my mother. Why you might ask? Because my father never once bad mouthed my mother and every time I did he corrected me. Now I am older I see that my father took the higher road and he was the one that left us. Both my parents are happy now, but to this day my mother tries to cause problems. Your girls will soon figure out who they can confide in and who to totally respect. Always take the higher road, if your girls are on board with your WLS than that is all that matters. 

I think if it were me...I would tell the girls that your surgery isn't a secret but that you don't really like that ex and his gf say mean things about you and for that reason you are not interested in having them be a part of it. That way if they slip and ever say anything they don't feel like they betrayed you.

How old are your girls? That makes a big difference as well. As for your Ex. I would just maybe call him and tell him from this moment forward you have NO intention of including him in your private affairs and that The only information he needs pertains to the children.

HONESTLY... Who cares what they think of you?? Let them say whatever they want. Generally when people are mean like that it means they are uncomfortable... I would say that the new GF finds you a threat... and he is obviously VERY interested in what you are doing....so really you ARE a threat to her... Depending on the ages of your children you can say that although their dad and your relationship didn't work out that you RESPECT him, and his privacy and that you will never say anything bad about him because he is their dad.

They will understand YOU are being an adult about it...here is the most important information.... YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOUR OWN, WORDS, ACTIONS, REACTIONS! The rest you have to find a way to let go... it will DRIVE ex and his gf NUTS if you do not react to their ****

Juls

I just had a similar experience this weekend. I have been very open about my surgery. There was only one person I didn't want to know, and that was my ex. I hadn't really told my son because I didn't want him to be in a position of accidently talking....unfortunately, my ex MIL whom I am still very close with mentioned it to him so I had to explain the whole thing. My son went with his dad for father's day and something about the 29th came up....my son piped in with "Oh, that's the day of Mom's surgery" my ex then asked why I was having surgery to which he replied "to lose weight!" Well, I can't be mad. It isn't fair to charge an 8 year old with keeping a secret...we try to promote that there are no secrets between our households, just things that aren't anyone's business....but that isn't going to fly with an 8 year old. So the good thing is that he is going to take my son for that week so that I can recouperate inpeace for a little while. I can honestly say that if they do talk about it behind my back I really don't care (thought I would) But in reality, I am doing this surgery for ME....and everyone else can take their opinions and shove them!....just sayin   :)

Some people are not happy unless they are making you miserable. I have a couple of those people in my life. That is why I have chosen not to tell my brother and his wife. She is very critical and degrading of me. But if it meant asking someone to lie, I would not do it. I know you are not asking your children to lie, but to keep your secret. I see nothing wrong with that until it comes down to lying. If they have to lie to keep your secret, then it is not worth it. Maybe you could mention to the children if dad or stepmonster ask you about your surgery, they should reply that if they have any questions, maybe they should ask Mom.

My girls are almost 11 and 12 for someone who asked in one of the posts.

My ex is famous for yelling at my youngest telling her she's going to end up a loser just like her Mom if she does not straighten up yada yada. They also get on my oldest about her "belly" that she can't be eating crap like her Mom. And they have even demanded that I keep food journals for the girls. My girls are SO normal body size, they are both perfectly balanced on their height/weight charts.

My girls come back and tell me all of this. I just kind of smile, and defend myself as best as I can. I don't trash their Dad, but they know that I want him to leave me alone, and a few times we've all sat here and cried over the hateful things that have been said.


SOOO... I was just trying to avoid something else my ex used towards my kids. I can just see the "If you don't put that donut down you're going to end up having to have surgery just like your Mother"

Oh, and I have tried to tell the girls to give that response of "If you want to know, ask Mommy not me" but they think that it sounds rude, and they are scared to talk to their Dad like that. They really are good girls, and they're so aware of what is going on. But they still love their Dad to death.. which I encourage SO much. I really hope that it pays off in the end.

Honestly, I would start keeping track of his bad mouthing of u and tell him point blank if he continues to talk **** ur taking ur list to court!!!

Truthfully tho, ur daughters may love their daddy but they see everything that goes on and in the end they will resent all the aweful things ur ex and his wife have said!

GOOD LUCK :-)