Having a hard time with the spouse and his bad eating habits

 Well I have never noticed how bad we use to eat till I had surgery. My boyfriend has to eat out almost every meal and stuffs himself do full. He is miserable inside and can't see it. But If I try to help him it's always" you had surgery that's y u can do it". I know how hard it is.  It's also hard watching him kill himself. He is borderline diabetic and already had high blood pressure. Makes me sad. 

It's gotta be difficul****ching the person you love become a brand new healthy person. It's gotta feel like they are leaving you in the dust behind them. Understand that it may make him feel worse about himself. And we can all understand how feeling lousy about ourselves makes us gorge on bad food.

We always talk about how much support a SWL patient needs. It sounds like your husband needs more support than you do. You're a good wife for noticing. Take care of eachother.

All you can do at this point is encourage him to make better choices (DON"T NAG). Hopefully he will see the better choices you are making and decide to start making them as well. Because of the food choices I had to make after surgery, my wife began cooking healthier food which started getting her and my son on the road to healthy eating. It has been great, both my wife and son has been losing weight because of the food changes that have been making. Good luck and I wish you the best.

I have been prepping for surgery since May. As my husband watched me eat less, exercise more and lose weight, he got on the bandwagon. He is now measuring his food for breakfast, eating healthy snacks at work and watching his portions as he eats the healthy dinners I prepare. He has also upped his exercise.

At first, I urged him to change his habits but gave that up and focused on myself. As I had success, he noticed and decided he wanted to be healthier too. Sometimes, all we can do is be the change we want to see.

I've been on both sides of this issue.

My husband was sleeved almost a year and a half before I was. He wanted me to do it with him, but I was scared and not ready. As his surgery neared, I had some insecurities that I did not share with him because I didn't want to burden him, figuring he was already going through enough by having to have the surgery. I worried about whether or not he'd still want me when he got thin without me, whether or not my life would have to change because of his changes, and a million other things. As it turned out, all is well, and since I have been sleeved he has tightened his eating and exercise habits back up and has started losing again.

On the other hand, I've watched my parents ignore their diabetes (yep... both of them have it), refuse to get counseling to cope with my sister's drug problem, and eat junk all day every day without exercising. It's heart breaking to watch, but at the end of the day, they are adults and there's nothing I can do but be ready to be supportive if they choose to change and be a good example in the meantime.

Give him time. I bet when he sees how well you are doing, he'll want to catch up if you give him a chance to think it through on his own! Men don't like for us to outdo them... lol.

  "but at the end of the day, they are adults and there's nothing I can do but be ready to be supportive if they choose to change and be a good example in the meantime."

Absolutely right!

My husband is a snacker, drinks soda, smokes and when we go out he often eats more than he should. He has already had a heart attack. What I've realized is I cannot control him and it's not my business to do so.

All I can do is model healthy living, cook healthier for us at home.  You see all I can do is change myself and my habits for a healthier life. When he eventually has to make the same decision it will be his decision.

My husband is a 55 year old adult man and I'm not his mommy. I'm his wife who wants better for him but he has to want it for himself. That may sound harsh but I had to come to my own place in my life to make this life changing decision.

Carolyn

Tonight, I watched my fiance sit down with 4 jumbo hot dog weiners, about 2 pounds of boiled shrimp, and a few chunks of boiled potatoes. I was apalled. THANK GOD he didnt eat it all....not nearly close to all, but I was shocked seeing what he fixed himself. And that's a daily occurance. We've actually had to work out a new grocery shopping plan. I was tired of paying for groceries that he goes thru in a couple of days....he now has to buy his own junk food...and it works that way. Anyway, I know exactly where you are coming from. He's 6'3, almost 300lbs, a smoker, diabetes and heart disease runs in his family. He's only 25 and still young, but it'll catch up to him. But, I have to remember, he is an adult and I'm not his mommy. I worry every day, and will continue to worry, but I've realized I have to let him make his own decisions.

Everyone has their own journey and their own story. NO ONE will ever lose weight until they are ready. You know that all too well, like the rest of us do.

Having said that... it's hard. My husband is a normal weight and he loves his junk food. It just makes me cringe (and pissed off that he can eat anything he wants LOL).

Having said THAT, I would lay off. Let him find his own way. I imagine it's hard to see you succeed so well while he's stuck (and will remain stuc****il HE is ready). I was pretty lucky, my family has always eaten pretty healthy, but we've tightened it up a lot. My husband does all the cooking so I have to rely on him to make things that I can (and should) eat. The result has been my son losing 20 pounds (that he needed to), my daughter's eczema cleared up... and my husband eats less crap (and does a good job of hiding his stuff LOL!)

You can't change him. No matter how much you want to. xoxo