Damn, damn and double damn....I am not ok and I need to face it....*long*

Thank you so much for your support and words, new or not it means so much to me.

My Dad, that's a whole other story, I wish I could just cut him out of my life completely but it can't happen because he is too tied up in the rest of my support system. I limit the amount of time I spend around him, and I limit the emotional involvement now, I don't give him the chance to hurt me like he has in the past and it has saved me in so many ways. This is the one time of year I am forced to play nice (and I do for my grandparents, who have always gone out of their way to love me and support me) and spend time with them and it dredges up so much crap for me, add all the old stuff to the new "skinny" stuff I am dealing with and it's just been the perfect storm (oh and then theres that, seeing so many of the places I DID have great childhood memories literally washed away into the ocean has messed with me too, like the one place I was always happy has been destroyed and it's been devastating emotionally to be bombarded with the images almost daily).

Oh Courtney, I am sending you huge hugs. I don't really have anything useful to say, but wanted to at least let you know that I'm sending you good energy/vibes/prayers.

Thank you!

Courtney (and several others *****sponded), it's heartbreaking to know the kind of pain and trauma after-effects you live with. I understand many of your feelings, as I deal with being close to 50 and regretting all the painful memories in my life instead of happy ones that I never got to make.

You're definitely doing the right thing by reaching out to this group. I totally applaud your decision to see a therapist again, and meds may help make a huge difference. Sometimes a chemical "rebalancing" of our brains just helps things seem brighter, less poignant and bitter.

No matter how much of your life has passed, it's *always* worthwhile to try to make it happier. Focus on what's ahead and how the future is going to be so much better no matter what.

Sending you my sympathy and support.

Honestly, this was the thing that made the biggest impact on me when I spoke at the OH Atlanta conference, just how many of us WLS patients had some sort of trauma in our youth! It was so heartbreaking to see the lifelong effects that the decisions of just one sick person can have on the life of another human! Crazy.

Thank you so much for your post, its nice to know their are others out there who understand, it helps to know you are not alone.  Hopefully together we can all become whole and happy.

I hope you see the beauty in your children's eyes and drink it in.  You are worth every blessing you have and all those yet to come. I wish you the peace you seek and deserve.  

That hit home, thank you! Just this morning my daughter said to me "I hope I am as pretty as you when I grow up", and it just made me tear up, because she doesn't see a broken mess, she sees a beautiful mommy. Makes getting out of bed a little easier in the morning knowing they just love me with no strings.

The fact that you are still around to talk about the life you were dealt is a testament to your strength and character. If what doesn't kill us truly makes us stronger then you are about the strongest person I know! You know what you need to do and you will do the right thing. Take care of yourself, and keep training for the NYC Marathon...cus I'm running with you next year!

That's a date! I am going to hold you too it LOL Thanks for being here for me, it means so much

I'm so sorry you are suffering.  I don't have any words of wisdom that haven't already been said.  Hugs and good vibes coming your way!