Am I wrong for showing off my success??

 

Something happen that made me very upset.   My younger brother pulled me aside and told me that he wanted to speak with me privately.  He told me that he was very proud of me and everything that I have done and that he is proud of my hard work then he told me that I might wanted toned down a bit because his wife is feeling self-conscious.  You see she was never small but she was smaller than me now and I am lot smaller than her.  He told me that she feels like I am rubbing it in.  Posting pictures of myself and talking about my success sound like I am full of myself.

He told me that I might start annihilating my relationships with people that were there for me when I was fat.  He told me that now I have new friends and that I am always with them and that his wife feels like I am replacing her and the people in my life with other people.   It is true I have new friends, people that had this surgery, my work-out buddies and my gym buddies but I don’t want to lose my other friends either.

I feel really bad and I started to think of my relationship with my sister-in-law and I feel like in the last couple of month our relationship has changed.  She does not visit me anymore, I called her and she does not call me back.  I invited to go out with me and she makes excuses not to go.  I don’t want to be the person that losses my relationship along with my weight.

Maybe I am boosting too much about my weight lost?  But I am also DAMN proud of what I have done.  I really don’t know what to do.  My brother told me not to bring it up to her because she will then feel worse I don’t know what to do here. 

Has this happen to you guys?

Keep Boasting and tell your brother to tell his wife to stow it. You should be proud of what you've accomplished and your brother is way out of line in saying something to you. Talking about it and posting pictures is part of your method for moving forward. Just keep doing whatever you are doing and ignore the nay sayers. Your brother should be ashamed of himself and your sister-in-law needs to grow a pair. If she is upset maybe she should put down the cookies and hit a treadmill.

Relationships DO change. I talk about it. I post on Facebook or Twitter or whatever I want to do. It's my success and everyone has been supportive. I've had a few friends that have felt weird or said a few things that kind of struck a chord. But I never judge anyone for their choices when we go out or anything. I just do my thing and enjoy being with friends.

I had one friend I was afraid I was going to lose for a while there, but I think it was more about her accepting that she was on a different path than I was - and we're okay with that. We all have the path we have to follow.

I'd just keep being you, you are GOING to change. Anyone that says losing weight doesn't change you is lying. It's what you do with that change that matters.

I had something like this happen to me several years ago when I dropped about 60 lbs. from dieting. Even though I still weighed about 200 lbs, I was now much, much smaller than my best friend. She started to avoid me, and like you said, she would make up reasons to not get together. We really did not even talk  for about 3 years..until I had gained the weight back. I know I was always talking about my weight loss, and that probably bugged her. I also know now that her husband had began making comments to her about my new look, which I think made her feel bad about herself.

All I can say is that maybe you should tone down the weight talk around your sister in law. Find things to do with her that do not have anything to do with weight or even food. No clothes shopping, or activities that will further point out the differences in your weights.

Honestly, after I have surgery I will not be bending over backwards to make others feel not threatened by my weight loss. However, this is a member of your family, not just some friend, so I think you should do what you can to maintain your friendship.

Keep it up Girl!!! If your brother says anything dumb again, punch him in the mouth..lol Your doing Amazing!!

When i first got sleeved, I set up a Private Facebook Account for only sleeve friends, a few weeks later I said Screw it!! I then made a blog and opened up my FB account to anyone. The blog and FB Page helps me be even more accountable to stay on track!

So while I'm here, you can all friend me at Mike Church on Facebook and visit the blog at www.lessofmike.com

And keep doing what your doing!! You Rock!!!

Angel - it's her problem not yours!  Like others have said tell them to stow it! The problem is this..You are taking care of you and people aren't used to it.  Your SIL sounds like she has issues she has to deal with.  Don't take them on as your own or change your path and method of success.  We will always have to remind ourselves from where we have come from so that we don't return to that place. Celebrate your success!  Be proud of what you have accomplished. 

I'm sure its very hard for you to see you changing her life when she's hasn't had that step for herself yet. But that's her problem not yours. Be proud of yourself and shout it to the world if you want to. There are probably a number of your relationships that will change. That's unavoidable. But that shouldn't stop you on your journey.

 

Congratulations on all of your hard work.

You should be proud! But I think you should also be considerate. I have been there when someone is smaller than me and makes me feel like a piece of crap by constantly pointing out their smaller size.

On the other hand this sounds more like an issue you sister in law has with herself. She is probably unhappy with her weight and feeling like everything you post or say is directed personally at her. It sounds as if she is not being supportive of your weight loss and is unhappy with her own failure to lose.

My suggestions...

1. Take a look at your posts and comments and see how many of them are about your weight. IE: If you post on Facebook 100 times a week and over half of them are about weight maybe you are overdoing it a bit. If you post 100 times a week and 10 of them are about weight loss then she is being overly sensitive. Maybe you could save your weightloss thoughts and post a weekly update or a biweekly update. That way it is still out there and you are still getting fabulous support.

2. Surprise her. Show up and drag her to a movie. Let her know you feel like you guys are drifting apart and that you miss her. She is probably hurt. You were probably less social when you were heavier. The normal depression, and feelings of embarassment due to your weight tend to keep us that way. She may feel like since your new friends are all smaller and on this weight loss journey that she is being cut out. Let her know you are really enjoying working out and meeting new people but you don't want to lose her along the way.

You can't control how others "feel" about your weight loss.  You can control how you communicate about it -- I'd say to take a look at all the postings you do in public places and see what percentage of them are about your weight loss.  If you really aren't talking about anything else, then maybe he has a point.  However, if you aren't, then at least you know that. 

I suggest you talk to him privately, since he initiated a private conversation with you.

Tell him what you found by looking at the last few months posts (yes, I am talking about nothing but my loss -- or no, I'm not).  But tell him that you understand this wife's discomfort, but she needs to deal with that.  People who have success when others who want that aren't successful have a hard time dealing with those feelings (especially around weight loss and infertility),

Is he aware that you've invited her out and made contact, and she is avoiding you? 

Kudos to you for being willing to think about how your actions affect others.  But there is only so much you can control, and then it's up to others to deal with their own behavior.  But as a smaller you becomes your new normal,  there will be less conversation about your loss, and maybe over time she'll come back to being your friend -- and maybe she won't. 

Since she is your brother's wife, he should appreciate that you are making an effort to include her, and recognize that.

Best of luck!

 

I have a different take on it, so hear me out...

We make this huge decision, many people don't agree with so we have to be confident in our decision. We have major surgery, drastically change our lives and look VERY VERY different. We spend much of our days not only tracking, planning, counting, drinking protein shakes but also working through all the mental BS. It's pretty consuming, right?

Well, I think IN THAT we do tend to get a little wrapped up in all the changes. No one can really blame us but I do think many of us have lives that revolve around this new life- which is NOT BAD in itself- for a period. It's just easy to forget that others live here too.

I say this from experience- I'm about 1.5 years out and really, only now do I realize that for that period when I was losing, it was sort of all about me. 

All that said, it's not bad and of course you should be proud of what you have done- IT'S AMAZING but just remember not everyone is on the same path.

Try and reconnect with your SIL, do things that are not WLS related, be mindful of her feelings as well. It will all settle out, especially if you two have a relationship that's worth saving!

 

Good luck!