Working on honoring my body

I had a frustrating start to my weekend, which lead to an all day pity party on Saturday. I’ve had a painful case of plantar fasciitis for years now, and it’s been very resistant to treatment. A big part of why I had this surgery as quickly as I did was because I was just sure that losing weight would help my feet heal. Well, here I am almost 60 lbs lighter and my feet hurt just as bad as they did when I weighed 280 lbs. I still have a lot more weight to lose, so I know that might make a difference, but I often catch myself thinking “what if it never goes away?”

So my goal in having this surgery is basically to be able to DO things I couldn’t do at 280 lbs, which was just about everything. So Friday night, when I found myself in extreme pain, unable to stand in line at a haunted house, I got really pissy about it. I mean, I can lift weights, I can walk on a stair machine, but I can’t even STAND for an hour? I got snappy with my boyfriend (he kept telling me to be patient but it’s hard to be patient when I’m in so much pain). I cried on Saturday and spent the day on the couch feeling sorry for myself (good thing it was my rest day from working out). This is a familiar situation for me. Every time I go out and do something, I end up depressed and in pain.

Then yesterday I read something about the concept of honoring my body that struck a chord with me. I understand that I have spent most of my life NOT honoring my body. I’ve disrespected it in so many ways I cannot count. I thought, “at least I am honoring my body NOW by losing weight and exercising and eating proper nutrition.” But then I realized that while I am honoring my body physically, mentally, I am doing the opposite. In my mind, I am constantly criticizing my body. I look in the mirror and despise seeing my fat belly. As I walk on the treadmill, I curse my foot for the pain it causes me. As I lift a barbell at the gym and get really winded, I berate myself for getting so out of shape to begin with. I get so angry with myself about my physical limitations. Surely this is counterproductive. I am well aware of the mind-body connection. Perhaps it’s time I put this stuff into practice.

I was talking about this with my boyfriend last night and he asked “why would you do that?” I told him I don’t know. I’ve always been like that. It’s my internal dialog and it goes on without me even realizing it most of the time. He said “wow, have you really been beat down like that your whole life?” Well, I guess so?

So I am going to work on changing that internal dialog. I am going to work on appreciating my body for what it CAN do. I am going to work on not criticizing myself in my mind. When I catch myself having a critical thought, I am going to reframe it into a positive one. I need to honor my body physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I know this won’t cure my plantar fasciitis, but it certainly can’t hurt, right?

I guess I am just thinking out loud here. Who else has had this realization, and how has it helped you?

I think you have some good wisdom here.  How do we honor our bodies when we are so accustomed to being unhappy with ourselves?  When will we lose enough weight that we are able to let go all those negative messages?  So much of the quality of our lives is dictated by our attitudes.  That's why gratefulness is so important.

Thanks for posting this.  Its an important message.

Carol

These are good questions, Carol. It seems a lot of people never lose enough to let go of negative messages, which is why so many of us are helped by counseling.

I work on my attitude every day. I know I am not always a glass-half-full type (and I really admire those who are). Make me stand for an hour, and my attitude really goes down the drain!

Lindsay - so sorry to hear that you're still struggling with that awful foot pain!  I hope you can find a good orthopedist who can help you (my brother is a foot/ankle ortho but he's based out of Lincoln, NE). 

I think it's great that you had an epiphany about how you talk to yourself.  My husband is another one that "motivates" himself through really critical and hurtful language.  I am going to cut-and-paste your post into an email to him so he can read how you are going to turn this around. 

Honor your body for all the great things it does for you every single day and pretty soon you'll tap into that well of self-love that you want and need. 

Hugs to you, girl! 

I hope that it helps your husband, Tracy. For some reason, I was just reminded of an ex of mine who used to run so much that it was a detriment to his body. He was doing to his body through exercise what I was doing to mine through food. He wasn't running for health and fitness; he was running to punish himself. I guess there are lots of ways we choose to not honor our bodies.

I'm debating trying a new podiatrist. But I'm hesitant because my insurance is not the greatest and I've already spent thousands trying to deal with this problem, between different doctors and custom orthotics. But I'm about 80% sure I will be calling this week to make an appt.

I agree with what you have said.  As for as the foot pain - I purchased a pair of Sole brand flip-flops and my feet no longer hurt. 

If there is a Fleet Foot Store near you - I would go to them and see what they have.  They cost a bit more but it is so worth it.  After going to the Podiatrist for months - this was the cure for me.

I wish you well!

Wow, that's great that the shoes helped so much. I've got some other brand of flip-flop that are similar with arch support that I wear in my friends' house (they don't allow shoes in their house and going barefoot is horrible for PF, so they are my "house shoes").

Hope you feel better.  I had that and had them surgically removed.

* Barbara *

Did the surgery help? I've read so much about how it helps some people a lot and others not at all. I had an orthopedic surgeon tell me he never does surgery for PF and he suggested I never have it done.