How do you deal?

So I'm fuming right now ....Im at work having a conversation with another coworker that has had the sleeve and shes just telling me what expect pretty much having a private conversation and then I get this email from this girl eavesdropping that said did I hear you say you are getting the surgery done.....so i replied im thinking about it.....she replies aww man just be careful with it cause it has a lot of complications mind you she is all of 120lbs so I just reply back im aware of the risks but thanks then that where It went south she replied back I wasnt trying to be nagative boo..just make sure you did all you research...ok I didnt say anything back...then I responded and asked if she could keep it to herself because we all know she is the town cryer at my job ....he reply was yeah I just overheard you and wanted to know if you had done your reasearch but its whatever I dont care......now my first instinct is to snatch her behind up but im trying to keep my job any suggestions on how to handle this chick?

DIVAQ...
IGNORE THE HATERS!!!
Opinions are like ******** everyone's got one!
And your gonna hear it no matter what...
You've thought this out...it's your life..your health...
Turn a deaf ear....
And hopefully she won't go blabbing about what she heard,
but don't count on it.

Its my first time dealing with something this but it is what it is haters gone hate

Q, she sounds like quite the *****  But here's the hard truth.  The only way you can prevent people from gossiping about you is to tell anyone and everyone that asks.    

Now I know that this is a personal decision, and that some people don't want others to know what's going on.  I totally respect that if that's your decision - just pull up the barriers and boundaries to protect yourself in the meantime.  Realize that comments like she made are usually either a) well meaning but ignorant, or b) made out of curiosity and a deep seated need to be in the know about everything.  

It might also take some introspection to figure out not why the coworker made the comments, but about your reaction to it.  Remember, surgery is only a small piece of the whole puzzle, and there's a lot of work we all have to do to figure out what triggers us to eat to begin with (not that I'm saying this is a trigger for you, but it's an example of an emotion/reaction you might have a lot during this process).  

My advice?  Ignore her.  The cat is already out of the bag.  She's gonna have fun spreading the news, and you're the only one getting hurt.  So pull up that shield and refuse to get angry - she's certainly not worth the time you'll spend dwelling on it!

 

Thanks Sandra, great advice! You said all that I would have said! Kept me from having to tap, tap, on the keyboard of this phone!

Before I had my surgery I made a plan for how I would address negativity and unsolicited advice. In fact, my plan came about as a result of me telling someone who also thought I was ignorant and needed her to tell me to make sure I do my research because according to her "I know several people who have had surgery and every last one of them gained their weight back because they thought all they needed to do was have surgery and eat whatever they wanted and not exercise".

My response, "While I appreciate your concern, I have a team of medical professionals I can consult should I run into a snag. Also given the fact that you have known me since the 2nd grade, did you possibly think that I would do this without thoroughly researching my options". Then I closed with, "What I need from you is support and we'll leave the medical advice to the professionals. Yes, it as a tad condescending, but She is one that you really have to put in her place because she can be very opinionated, and is basically a domineering, know-it-all. Well, I know how to shut her down.

I also made the decision to be transparent concerning my surgery. I don't have patience for fabricating or side-stepping the truth. Since I am a lay life-coach, I use my WLS and stories of my journey to enlighten naysayers, and as an icebreaker for others to disclose challenges in their life, which is the open door I need that allows me to motivate and encourage others in whatever life changes they need to make.

I say all this to say, how we react and respond to the antagonist determines who holds the power. Not saying that we have to broadcast that we had WLS, but being transparent and authentic gives you more power and control over the exchange when someone asks questions and/or offers unsolicited advice. I realized that my condescending response to my friend empowered her because I was on the defensive, so i put a plan in place to be proactive, transparent, and authentic in answering questions. By doing so, puts me in the driver seat.

I say all this to say, how we react and respond to the antagonist determines who holds the power. Not saying that we have to broadcast that we had WLS, but being transparent and authentic gives you more power and control over the exchange when someone asks questions and/or offers unsolicited advice.

Love it!

I agree with all your responses and will add that some people who are small get a lot of satisfaction from seeing. Those who are not small,suffer and struggle with their weight. They can even get satisfaction from the fact that we often ant find clothes that are cute in morbidly obese sizes.
They get off knowing they are " better" than we are. I would not even discuss my journey with these people. I would just let my results speak for themselves.

She totally and I mean honestly and really doesn't have a clue about what she is talking about.

I found that those 'warning' me of complications did so because they knew someone who did.  it may not feel like it, but perhaps she was trying to be of help to you.  and, i also found out that those 'warning' me did not know the slightest difference between lapband, vsg, bypass...they think it's all the same.  duh. 

jus****ch to see how she is with you, whether she seems supportive or not....she may not really be a hater.

best of luck!

Sophie

I just told my family that I am having VSG surgery. I said that i decided to have it as a tool to return and maintain my health. I told them that the only thing that I need from them is to relax around me in eating cir****tances. My Dr and Nutritionist will define an appropriate and nutritional plan for me. I am not advertising it but if someone asks then I will just say that it is tool for me to return to health. If i respond calmly then it calms down the situation. I have dealt with those gossip queens. Feel sorry for them! They dont realize that they are hurting people because they need to "feed something in themselves". Enjoy your body changes and celebrate your return to health! Walk with your head up and smile like there is something that only you know!