I am very sorry.

I know I caused alot of hurt feelings and it really wasnt my intention.  I wont blame my pain meds because quite frankly they do very little for me as I seem to be malabasorbing them pretty well and they only last exactly 2 hours and then the pain returns.  My doctor said to double up the doses and we will see how I do by Monday.  This stuff really is kicking my butt, my open rny was more painful but since this effects my stomach and face its really hard on me.  I suffered from something terrible when I was a teenager and feeling this constriction around my neck is causing me panic attacks.  None of this is in any way an excuse for the things I said, I apologize and understand if everyone hates me now.  I have always felt differently towards things then other people and probably do many stupid things because of how I am.  Please except my apology and realize I truly do care about everyones journey to go health.  I just read the post from Marianne and it makes what I am going through seem like nothing, its all about perspective and what seems diffecult to me is nothing compared to her pain and suffering, my heart goes out to her, you won't hear another complaint from me about how I feel. Hugs Heidi

*hugs* Heidi we can't hate you, you're too adorable to do that.... Your profiles are one of the first ones that I've read and I have to say you inspired me so much, and if you are in pain complain all you want too, that is what this site is for.... We're here to support you and maybe give some ideas on how to get rid of some of the pain you're in.... I was reading all the posts about the cards and I have to say I'm so glad I didn't sign up for it cause yesterday I found out my husbands benifits are all drawn out so now I have to explain to my son why there will be no christmas this year....   I hope you get to feeling better real soon and I have to say your pics from lexi are just fabulous *hugs* Stephie PS please over look my spelling... I'm still half asleep

Stephanie, I really just didnt want to see anyone left out when they signed up for the card exchange, I remember all too well being young and not getting cards at Valentines and I so didn't want to see anyone suffer that.  I know money can be an issue for people, believe me I go without many times so my son can have things.  I didn't mean to belittle anyone with money issues, that wasnt my point, it was more so that we needed two lists one for ecards and one for real cards, of course I didn't put it very nicely as when I posted I was writhing in pain and typing stupid things.  I am truly sorry. Hugs Heidi

I must have missed it, but I'm sure without a doubt you had no intention of hurting anyone's feelings.  That's just not you!  You are a dear person and that always shines through no matter what we see you going through.  I'm so happy you got your surgeries, and glad you are home and feeling well enough to share with us.  Like I responded to a post of yours yesterday, I too need the neck lift and am anxious to hear about your experience so I know what to expect.   I hope you have a comfortable, relaxing day.  Take care of yourself and keep your spirts up!  ((((((((((Hugs))))))))   Jeanne aka foghorn leghorn LOL

Jeanne, I wish I had happy news to report, but this neck lift is pretty hard.  I have incisions from around my ears all the way around to the back of my head and everything is swollen and painful.  Chewing is terrible and swallowing worse.  The doctor said it would be tight for 1 to 2 weeks, its scary painful since I had an incident when I was young and was nearly strangled.  I had no idea it would be this way.  I am trying to make it each day at a time.  I need to take my meds soon, but only 2 hours of reliefe is hard.  I will make it though, its just pretty tough, you need to prepare yourself for it. Hugs Heidi

All is forgiven...at least from me anyway.  I don't blame you for your emotions right now...now in 6 weeks or so I may flame the heck outta you for it but you just had major surgery 3 days ago...so i'm giving you a pass to be a bit crazy...it's only good for 6 weeks so you better use it while you can...lol.  I do think that some of the statements made were a little rough, but you have always been an honest person with everyone here...so why should this be any different.  I feel like you know already you may have stepped on a few toes..and I commend you for being woman enough to apologize for it.  Take care and take those meds. Moni

To be real honest Moni I have always put everyone before myself, and the fact I had plastics and mortgaged my house to do it was the first real expense I have every undertaken for just me.  I guess I don't relate to people so well, I have always thought it was more important to make everyone else happy then myself.  I just wanted to see everyone sent a Christmas card and feel some holiday spirit not some pick and choose your friend thing because the list got big.  I know money is tight and I agree ecards are probably a great idea, we should do them all that way in the future then no hurt feelings at all and everyone can participate equally.  I know I hurt feelings but to be honest I have gone without eating to do things for other people because thats more important to me.  But I am not like most people so I guess I just dont relate. Hugs Heidi

I am a lot like you in some ways.  I have gone without for so many years...and bent over backwards to make others happy while getting slapped upside the head.  You would think I would have learned a lesson....not.  It wasn't until I had surgery that I realized I needed to put ME first and no one else that this change began.  I went without for many many years...no coats, shoes,underwear, glasses, dental work...and the list goes on, because I didn't think I was worthy of it.  Now i'm doing those "needed" things for me.  I promised myself I would get my dental work done by the first of the year, and the situation presented itself to me to do it...and I have to take it.  So for me, my health has to take priority over mailing out cards...this is gonna be pretty costly to me and it's gonna take every dime I have to do it...but i'm worth it.  And since i'm not working it's coming straight off my "weekly allowance"...but thats another whole story.  I still love ya...and respect you for your feelings.  Take care. Moni

Moni, Good luck with the dental stuff, I still won't fix my teeth, I am scared and still won't spend the money on myself.  Ugghhhh I do need to get over this stuff.  I had taken antibiotics when I was young for my skin and ruined my teeth, the enamal is all gone now and my teeth are just flaking away, its quite bad.  I commend you for doing for you, I need to follow your example better, but I am such a creature of habit that I have a hard time putting myself first.  I know since I am the boot queen that sounds silly but realistically other then one pair that Doug bought every thing else has been on sale or clearance because spending full price on me is just out of the question.  Its not that I dont think I am worthy, or maybe that is the problem, I guess I dont really know. Love you girl Hugs Heidi

Thank you Heidi.  I do understand how you feel.  I still have my days where i'm fighting myself to do things for me...but I promised myself this thing and I want it sooo bad.  And to be able to say I did this for myself...by myself is huge for me.  I don't even want hubby's help on this one...cause I fear it will bite me in the butt later.  You know the " I paid for that for you" conversation.  And i'm not willing to let him throw that up to me. I am going through the dental school here which will cost me far less than a regular dentist would.  I say go for it...you ARE worth it.  So you have to pass on a couple pairs of boots to do it...lol.  You are still worth it.  Take care. Moni