Change can be hard

I have read many posts about friends that change after we have our surgery and the questions as to why and whether we are the ones that changed or did they change.  We are moving far away next week.  Went to dinner with friends of many years tonight.  She talked on and on about my weight loss and I suddenly realized she was angry at me!  I think she was mad because I had quit being the fat one of the group and hopefully am living a real life now.  I think I realized what was going on and feel grateful we will move soon because I hate to deal with the reality of this.  I now remember so many times over the years when she has really abused our friendship and I guess I just grew accustomed to it.  That makes me so sad to read as I write it.   Where was I???  Why did I feel like I deserved less than others?  Thank God for this surgery.  I know I'm getting my head screwed on straight as I go through this journey.  Another reminder, I must avoid toxic people, toxic situations and toxic foods.  Thanks for "listening".

My cousin is acting like she is mad at me too.  I have to make an effort not to say anything about my WLS now.  So ridiculous.  I'm glad you have rediscovered your self worth.  We deserve good supportive friends.

I am really happy for you that you are at a point where you realize you deserve good friends in life, not just "friends" that mistreat you. 

As for me... I know I have changed.  I have more energy, more sense of adventure and more confidence.  I walk into a room and feel I am worth looking at now.  I look at a rock wall and think, "I bet I could climb that."  I can wear a swimming suit in public and not want to die (even if my leg skin is a little wrinkly.)  I can let my husband take seductive pictures of me and not think they will be the things that give him nightmares.  I, yes I can be sexy.  But, I wear just as many tank tops as I used to before, tell the same jokes (but I laugh at myself more) and enjoy the same activities I used to, I just focus on food less and eat less.  I have only one friend I think I might ultimately lose because of my weight loss, and that is because, as she herself said, if I get smaller than her, she might be kind of upset.  I guess we'll see soon enough just how she responds to that since I should be seeing her in about a week.

People certainly do become used to us and themselves in certain roles.  We are often "the fat friend"  or the fattest person they know.  When the roles change, so does the way they look at us and ultimately themselves.  When they can't think of themselves as better than us because they are more slender than we are, that changes the whole dynamic of the relationship and puts a huge strain on it.  If they can't get past it, then the friendship has progressed past its healthfulness.  Just my thoughts on the matter.  Not that you asked, your post just made me think of it.

Good for you.  I wish you many wonderful friends in your new home!

 Beautifully said - your post should be archived for the insight you've developed.    Susan

Before my surgery, I read many posts about friends who change and I thought it would never happen to me.  I have had the same friends for years!!!  My very good friend at work started to "pull away" from me about 8 months after my surgery. Instead of going to lunch together, she would have to go out and run errands, or work through lunch, or was "busy".  It took awhile to dawn on me what was happening because I never thought my good friend would do that.  Now we barely speak other than hello and goodbye.  My mom was critically ill for a few months and she acted like it pained her to ask me how she was doing....which she asked....twice.  It makes me so sad, since at one time we were so close I knew how many times a day she went to the bathroom!  A mutual friend of ours (they were actually closer) has experienced the same thing with this person and we think it's because she has a relationship now.  Can that be right? Is this the person that breaks off friendships with people because they A) lose weight, feel better, look better or B) fall in love and are happy?  It makes me so sad I can't stand it.