Sexual Harrasment....

Jennifer,

You are right. I have in a round about way told him to stop..like with the pole dancing thing I told him I thought it was disgusting and gave him a dirty look and walked away. I have not told him out right to stop. I guess I was being chicken and was afraid how he may react, being my supervisor. I just thought (which is silly) but is it easier to have him LIKE me or hate me. I will just have to suck it up and tell him to stop because he really creeps me out and I really dread being around him.

Thank you,

Kim

Do some research on Title VII....particularly the part on sexual harassment.  You will need to get very serious about keeping a journal.  When you are ready to "blow the whistle", know you cannot be fired for doing so.   There are several women's help sites available to give you additional guidance.  If you let this go by unchallenged, you put not only yourself, but every woman in that office in the position to be victimized by him.  Sexual harassment is not sexual...it is all about power.  Take they power for yourself.  Also, when time comes to take action, take all your documentation to an attorney.  When you win your case (and it sounds like you have a good one), you should add any legal fees you have incurred into your settlement.  Good luck.

I was in a situation like that once a long time ago.  One of my supervisors would do things physically and it really bothered me.  He would always stick his butt out when I walked by so that I ran into it, he would hold my hand, caress my arms.  One time he cornered me in the break room and hugged me and kissed my neck.  He left the door open just enough that one of my coworkers saw it and was SHOCKED!  I had mentioned to her that he did things like that, but she never saw it, NO ONE did because he was careful.  When I would tell him not to touch me, he would say "whatever, you know you like it." And when I got pissy about it, he blamed it on my time of the month.

I was afraid to tell our boss because I felt she would simply point out how beautiful his wife is and insist I was mistaken.  Our boss was a little prejudice against my weight, and didn't seem like she would back me.  I took it to her boss, the district manager, and HE took it very seriously.  The guy was about to be fired, and I literally sat down with my boss and him and said I didn't want him fired, I just wanted it to stop and I wanted to be able to work with him without retaliation for ratting him out.  It actually worked!  He kept his job and behaved himself.  We got along great and I feel like it was the BEST possible outcome.

As for your situation... I would recommend talking to him about it.  It sounds like you guys might both be supervisors, and you could be in a great position to have a talk with him.  I would tell him that it is time to make changes in the office, and that since you two (or at least him) are in a position of authority, you need to set the standard and discontinue ALL sexual discussion or sexual harrassment.  You and the women should go out for drinks on Fridays and talk about your spouses there, but not so much at work (talk about them maybe, but not the sex, in order to keep it on an even keel.)  It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you ladies end the discussion in order to protect yourselves in the event of an investigation.  THEN, you can push the issue with your supervisor.  Yes, it is considered sexual harrassment if he overhears something that makes him uncomfortable.  I do believe the statement has to be made that it makes someone uncomfortable though, so since it bothers you, bring it up to him.  Just make sure you follow the rules too, in order to protect yourself.

If I am not mistaken, I think you have to let him know that you are going to tape him. Talk with an attorney or a police officer about it. I have done it. I videotaped a bus driver doing 60 in a posted 35 zone. He was not aware of my doing this and believe me this guy ripped me off when he made me pay far more that what I was supposed too for a 1-2 min. stop to get my mail. Payback to the S.O.B.  will be me sending the tape to the state D.O.T. As to you and that A_ _ hole you work with. I would B_ _ _ _ slap that S.O.B. from here to heck and back. Then I would take a chance on  getting fired for telling him to take that thing he calls imagination between his legs and shove it up his butt.

You have let this go on this long before saying something?

Begin keeping a DAILY, even HOURLY, journal of what he has said.  Write quotes as closely to what he said as possible, what time of day it was, date, who might have been present (whether or not they could hear), how you felt about it, and any physical reaction (fear, revulsion, nausea, panic, etc.).

Do this EVERY DAY THERE IS AN INCIDENT.  Even if he says nothing but gives you "the look" with the up-and-down gaze, makes any sort of gestures, etc, WRITE IT DOWN.

After you have about a week's worth or more, have them typed up very nicely, then take them to a notary and have them signed and duly notarized.  Be sure you have more than one copy.  As you give him his copy with a smile, say, "Human Resources and your wife will have a copy of this and all the others the next time an incident like this occurs."  Walk away and refuse to discuss any of this with him.  You may, however, wish to make a copy for the head of HR, as well as for the company's legal counsel.

You are working in a hostile environment, and what you do not have to take it.

Incidentally, the documents prepared like this are legally admissable in court.  I am a former paralegal, and I got a child abuser (well, not singlehandedly, but close enough) to plead guilty to charges when he saw the notes I'd made about what he'd been saying to his 14-year-old step-granddaughter.  The cops were a little slow on that one, so I wrote down everything the kid told me, got them notarized, and every so often handed a copy of the notes to my principal.  The guy took one look and pled guilty.

You must keep accurate records.  Get the guy on tape if you can; I don't much care if that's legal or not.  But you need to speak with your HR department as well as a lawyer.  You could have some real fallout if this guy is somebody's favorite.  He may well get away with it if you don't have solid legal backing.

Good luck to you.

I see 4 options.

1.  Tell him that you don't appreciate his sexual remarks and that you will report him if they continue.
2.  Report him to someone above your Director.
3.  Find a new job.
4.  Suffer in silence.

There really isn't an easy way out of ****ty situations like this.