to tell or not to tell......

I personally told the people that I knew would be 100% supportive of what I was doing.  Those were the only people that I wanted to tell.

I also sent all those people an email with all the information on my surgery and my reasoning why.  I sent the information about how surgery is NOT the easy way out, what I have to do, what I had to do to get where I am.  The information I sent was to get rid of most people's misconceptions about WLS. I did not want people telling me what I could and couldn't eat.  Or get the comments... are you sure you can eat that? ETC...

I wouldn't change my choice at all.

Good luck on your choice!

--Mike

In Aug. I will be out 4 years - never told anyone except my kids and my parents & my best friend. My choice - I was so afraid that I'd fail at this that I didn't want people looking at me to fail so now the look at me in amazement!! I don't lie about it I just avoid the subject and if anyone pushes the issues I just tell them I've made alot of life changes!! I have lost over 100 pds and have had plastics on my arms - I still have that feeling of failure at times this far out you have to watch everything you put in your mouth or it will be back on your hips - I've maintained almost 3 1/2 years now with in a 5 pd bounce here and there. Good luck with what ever you decide to do - it has to work for your life and don't think you owe anyone else an explanation!!!  Good Luck

I personally do not spend time worrying about what other people think of the choices I made for myself so I do not spend any time explaining myself unless it affects anyone else. But thats just me and that way I don't hear any negative comments.  If its something I did for myself to myself then thats my business.

I am less than 2 weeks post-op myself and find myself in the same boat.  At the moment only 2 people outside of my health care team know what has happened (husband and my Mom).
I wasn't even going to share with my Mom but at my psychologists urging, I did.  Mom did not take it well at first (she was worried about risks) but has seen the early results and agrees that if it will change my long term health it was worth it.

I have mixed feelings about what to say family/co-workers when asked about the sudden loss.
I think that I may just say I have changed my diet.  Not a lie - just not the whole picture.
Speak about the protein meal replacement and the vitamins that I take - the new exercise
program I am on.  Then change the subject.

Really, why should anyone explain themselves.

D

HI NANCY,

IN MY CASE... I DECIDED TO ONLY TELL MY FAMILY... WHEN I TOLD MY INLAWS... WELL SOME.. ENCOURAGED ME.. AND OTHERS... I JUST WISHED I WOULNT OF SAID ANYTHING... THERE IS ALOT OF GOSSIP STILL GOING AROUND ABOUT ME.. OF WHY I SHOULNT OF HAD SURGERY... BUT I THINK IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME.. I WOULD OF KEPT IT TO MY SELF.. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF TELLING MY PARENTS.. THEY HAVE BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE SINCE THE BEGINNING.. SPECIALLY BECAUSE MY MOM AND BRO. BOTH HAD WLS. WELL HOPE YOU CAN DECIDED... 

You have to decide what is right for you.  When I started this process I told NO ONE because this is not my first attempt and I didn't want to go through the devistation with EVERYONE again if I didn't get approved.  So in the beginning I only told my sister.  After I got approved I told the rest of my family, my boss, and a few of my co workers I am close with.  They were all very happy for me.  And as my surgery date got closer I decided to tell more people.  I have only had one person say anything negative to me, and it was a girl at work who overheard my conversation with another co worker. Now I will share the conversation with you papraphased ...Oh Maggie your having surgery?  Yes, next Wednesday.  What's wrong?  I am having gastric by pass.  She thought for a moment then with the most serious look on her face she said...have you ever thought about joining the Y?  Now this girl is as big as I am (not trying to be mean just paining the picture) and in her mid twenties.  The first thought that came to mind was Yeah, well I can see it has REALLY worked for you!  But I refrained and this is how I responded.  Martha..I have been this big since before you were born and believe me I have tried EVERYTHING.  No one decidedsto re route their insides without considerable thought, this might not be the right decision for everyone but it is the right decision for me.  And maybe if you took the time to educate yourself you would understand why I have chosen this surgery.  And I left it at that.  If you decide to tell.....you should take the time before had to decide how you will respond to negativity.  Personally it isn't gonna stop me.

My plan was to keep it to myself. I would let my boyfriend know and thats it. I was debating on telling my sister or not, she is a nurse and I thought she might know about the surgery more than I would, so during my decision phase I asked her about it saying that i am thinking about getting it.  So it was me, my boyfirend, my sis and of course her husband.  I was not going to tell anyone else even my parents who I am very close to.  I am 6 weeks out and was suppsoed to meet my sis and her husband and thier friends at red robins to eat and when I got there they were waiting for a table and then my sis husband was saying so off you liquid stage and no more pudding what can you eat now? and he said this in front of everyone! I was so confused because they were supposed to keep this a secret!  And then we went to their friends house and he kept making comments like drinking every 15 mins? oh its been 15 gotta drink? then my sis would say do you have to bypass all sugars? and they said this in front of everyone!  I was so confused, I thought ok she probably told all her friends here that I had it done.  On teh drive home I was so ticked off, just crying. I mean its my sis i told her a secret, the one thing I have told her not to tell anyone and she told her friends and was talking about it freely infront of them all about it when I was there and I had no idea she did that!  I have been having some talks about it with her lately.  I wish I would of never told her now. 

Thanks so much to everyone!!! I am really glad to have gotten messages that are both pro and against. It helps to have others' examples to bounce off of. I process externally and not having anyone else around to talk about it with was not helping.

Take care of you!
Nancy