My Father passed away and I am at fault

You are not to blame.

As a parent, I can tell you that if it were me coming to see my child in the hospital and I died after my last thought would be "Thank heaven I got to see my child before I died!" not "its all their fault!"

He would want you to remember him with love, not shame and guilt.

  Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your father.  You sound like you were close to him.  Please know this is not your fault.  You are very lucky that he was able to see before he passed on.  I am so sorry that you are going through this very difficult time during what should be a happy time of change in your life. 
  I do hope that you are recovering well, both from your RNY surgery and from your accident.  Please let the people involved in your care know about your depression as it can affect your recovery.  I am sure your dad would want only the best for you.  So do what is best for yourself.  
  Again, you are not at fault, don't let others convince you otherwise.  Take the love he had for you and let it provide the strength you need to recover from the accident and persevere through WLS.

Best of Luck,
Michelle

Oh goodness.

1st of all, thank God you survived your orrific accident. 5 times is unimaginable. You are lucky to be alive.

2nd. I am so sorry you also lost your father. I would be utterly devistated and trying to figure out a rational way that i could have kept hhim alive too.

but my darling, you don't govern death. If the shock of hearing the news, or seeing you was enough to make his heart stop, then it's been soming for years. It's te hheart disease that ended his life. If it weren't coming to see you, it might have been a scary movie, a fright when he was driving himself......this conditions takes many many years to manifest.....and you are not the reason he passed away. I trust he had done what he came to do. It was his time.

I pray he is at peace and you can accept this. I pray you heal from your injuries, that you honour his memory and LET im rest in peace by not taking this on board as your fault, and I pray thhat you can see past your own grief to truly see what is in your sisters eyes. Which I am sure is gratitude that they didn't lose you both, and a deep sadness that the most special man of their lives has left them to go home to heaven.

Please know this was impossible to be your fault. It is literally impossible that this accident that you barely survived ended your fathers life. His body had run out of life, and thhat is whhy he left.

Hugs and much love to you. Rest, heal, grieve and embrace his memory in a positive and loving way....no guilt, just gratitide for all he gave you.

I am very sorry to hear about your father.  I lost my dad a year ago in April and I blamed myself for the longest time because I was with him in his apartment, begging him to go to the hospital...he was very, very ill for weeks.  I even said that I would call the medics but he begged me not to do that to him so I reluctantly agreed.  He promised me that he would go to the hospital if he didn't feel better the next day.  I left at 4:30 and he died at 7:05 that evening.  Naturally I took it very, very hard but eventually came to terms with my choices and the choices he made.

The point is....it is not your fault that your dad died...just like it wasn't my fault about my dad.  Things happen and they are way out of our control or powers.  Just wanted to share my story with you in hopes that it will make you feel just a bit better about your situation.

Take care...my thoughts go out to you.
Erin

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dad.  My heart goes out to you and your family.  Please understand that you cannot blame yourself nor carry that burden.  I am sure you dad would not want that for you.  You are not responsible for your dads passing.  We don't have that power in life.  After my mom's murder I went to a bereavement support group.  They were great and helped me to cope.  Maybe you should check into that.  I found one through my church.  God bless you and I hope you heal both physically and emotionally. 

I am so sorry for your loss, but it is NOT your fault !!! Do not take on that guilt, you do not own it.

Please accept my most sincere condolences. And then please read the words of these responses very carefully. You did not do this. You are under an immense amount of stress. Your sisters cannot possibly think you caused this. They are just as shocked and upset as you but that does not mean they think you did this. Your dad was doing exactly what we hope our dads would do for us. Being there in our time of need. To BE a dad. Please give your own heart time to heal from this terrible time. And listen to the women here who are telling you the truth. You did not do this. Please take care of yourself.

I am so sorry you lost your Dad.  I can relate to feelings of guilt.  My Dad died of Pancreatic Cancer almost 2 years ago.  Not a day goes by I don't think I should have tried harder to find more treaments or another specialist.  I feel I should have done more.  He was feeling really bad a couple years before they found the cancer.  We just blew him off as he was getting older he was going to feel bad.  We should have listened and helped him find a  doctor to listen to him years ago.

It is not your fault. You didn't have an accident on purpose.   It was his time.

I, too, am sorry to hear of your loss. A unexpected sudden death is devestating, in and of itself. But to lose a parent is harder. I lost my father 10 years ago, to colon cancer. They said he had it at least 10 years. We found out when he only had 4 months to live. We are never prepared.

Please don't blame yourself. I know easier said than done. It wasn't your fault. Never say that. Your life was spared, no matter what injuries you may have, they will heal. As too will your heart and spirit. Your sisters probably have the same look in their eyes as I had and all my brothers and sisters had when we lost our dad. Confusion, grief, sorrow, pain, realization that dad is gone. Not blame.

You had a special moment with your father right before he passed. He came to see his child - you. When you were hurt and needed him. He gave you a awkward hug and a squeeze of your hand and looked in your eyes. He did what all dads do - worry about their kids and help when he can. When he said good-bye, he probably kissed your forehead and told you it will be alright. You had a good-bye. So many others never have that.

You will get through this one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. It will be hard, but you can do it, Take care of yourself. Eat your protien, drink your water, take your vitamins. Your dad would have wanted you to succeed. When you are ready, try counseling as the others suggest. It will be ok.

Through intense pressure a peice of black coal become a sparkling clear beautiful diamond. No matter whether your in a coal or diamond, you are beautiful and priceless.

Take care, Sweetie.

Hugs & Friendship always,

My heart and thoughts go to you and your family.

You are not responsible for his death. FOr someone to die like that theres an underlying problem, usually the heart.I agree with the others when its time its time you did not cause what ever ailment your father had to take his life.

Please take the advice of others about seeking support groups, health professionals, and letting your own medical professionals know whats going so they can help you.

(HUGZ u very tightly)

Take care and be at Peace

~Kimberley