Divorce after Weight Loss Surgery. Why?

I think men feel pretty... :) Maybe I should have said attractive. I didn't mean one sex over the other. A week or so ago it was a man posting he was leaving his wife. So the divorce decision seems to be on both sides of the sexes. I just wi**** didnt happen. Its sad :(

 It's not always the person who had the surgery who throws away the marriage - sometimes it's the other person.  Sometimes the marriage was dysfunctional for a long time.  Sometimes the unspoken agreement between the partners hinged on the overweight spouse putting up with mu*****luding verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse.

It's not always a matter of the overweight duckling becoming a beautiful swan and fleeing the coop for a more handsome mate.

Sometimes the ugly duckling has to leave for their own survival.  Sometimes the beautiful swan is driven away because only ugly ducklings were welcome.

It is NOT always about the weight loss, it can be about many different things.

My husband is disabled and in a wheelchair and for years I have asked him to go places with me and do things and he refuses. All he wants to do is sit and watch TV and play his hand held video game and he wants me to sit right there with him and not go anywhere or do anything. He is verbally abusive and constantly yells at me all the time and even in front of people.

I have always gone places and done things and he never cared before but now he is not wanting me to go any or do anything with anyone. He just wants me to sit there with him. He is asking me now why I never ask him to go anymore and like I told him I got tried of asking because he always says no.

A lot of this is my fault because I have spoiled him beyond belief. I wait on him hand and foot and give him anything he wants.

I realize now how short life is and I would have came to the same conclusion with or without WLS. I am considering a divorce also after 24 years and I know some people will think I am awful but I need to be happy and have a life also, I cannot constantly sit at home and do nothing and watch my life waste away. I turn 52 on Sunday and realize I don't have that many years left and I want to be happy.

I know I cannot make everyone understand but until you have been in my shoes you cannot judge. I will make sure he has everything he needs before this is done. I know he loves me but is it for me or what I do for him, I truly don't know??

• Hello, I aloso have have been married for 26 years and am going through the Same situation.  I know if I were to tell him I want to leave he would blame it on my weight loss. I feel so guilty,  but I only have one life to be happy. Any suggestions?  Text 810858 3647 thank you Cherie 

Wow, lots of inaccurate assumptions in your post!

1.  I did not "throw away" a long marriage and wonderful family.  This divorce isn't something I wanted.  I dreamed of being happy in my marriage and haven't been for many years.  We have been on the brink of divorce many times over our 20  years.  This isn't our first time.

2.   I did not settle for my spouse and it had nothing to do with how pretty I was or am now.  It is not an alcohol problem either.

In our case, we simply are not compatible any longer.  There is a lot of conflict in our marriage.  He is always angry and I'm always in tears.  We have nothing in common other than our address and our children.  I will not go into any additional detail because frankly, it's none of your business.  But you need to know that you are WAY off base in your thinking.

And thanks so much for assuming that I lost weight, got prettier, and decided to dump my husband in hopes of finding something better.  So nice of you.  Really.  Yeah, I'm that shallow.

(((((Leanne))))) 

Ok, first of all I do not see anywhere in my post that I refer to you in particular. I have just noticed many of these kind of topics lately so I thought I would start a thread about it. To talk and learn.

Second of all, if its none of my business, why oh why do you post such a personal topic on a public form? You must expect people to comment. Or did you just post for the obvious sympathy vote?

Again, I never mentioned you in particular. I wish you and your family the best.

Your post was OBVIOUSLY in response to mine.

As far as why I posted about it, it's something that it helps to share with others.  It's a very painful thing to go through and it helps to just let it out sometimes.  I wasn't really asking for sympathy, but it was kind that many offered that.

Now I'll exit from your thread with thanks for your warm wishes for my family and me.  This isn't easy on any of us and we can use all the positive thoughts/prayers we can get.  I sincerely hope that you never go through anything even remotely as painful as this is for us.

I am sure this is hard for you and your family. That saddens me. I am almost always saddened by divorce. I too hope to never go through this. In life one never knows. I am just trying to understand it better. Its so sad. But, it does happen.

There have been many divorce threads that I have noticed lately. Men and women. Maybe your post got me thinking again about this subject. Its really not directed at you. I just want to understand this better. I do not want to go through it, I want to understand it.

I wish you all the best.

I have actually thought about this question a lot but not as a person who is having issues. I noticed before I had surgery there is a lot of talk on OH about divorce or martial issues. I think it may be that it is because it is a sounding board and part of the journey. Probably no more or less than anywhere else. I was concerned before surgey that is seems like a lot people get divorced after WLS. 

I hate that for them but like others said it was a catalyst perhaps from other issues.

Personally, my marriage is stronger because I am stronger. We didn't have issues before but I am more confident as a person and that makes him happy. My kids see me as determined and strong. I wish everyone could have that. Good luck everyone.