Weight Loss and Marriage

Sorry to hear about your friend...what no one knows is what issues they had before she lost weight.

As far as Katie's examples go, add one more:
Liz met Charles, both were MO but not excessively so. Over the next 15 years of marriage, life took it's toll on both of them, weight and health wise.

So they both decide on WLS, and are within a few weeks surgery date of each other. Both are losing weight, resolving comorbid issues and their marriage is stronger because they are in this together.

And yes, I used my own name. :)

Liz

Thanks for telling your story too! I am glad that you are getting healthy together. I think your comment about being in it together is really important in any marriage. I also think that it would bring you closer since you both understand the trials of wls.

My husband and I divorced 2 years ago & then got back together to try and work on things, but split up again 3 months ago. The first time we split, I hadn't had surgery yet, so it was for completely different issues. This past time, I think my surgery played a large role. I'm like the Mandy person in that story. I've been big my whole life, and now that I'm thinner, I want to go out and live life. I want to do active things and fun things. He just wanted to sit on the couch and not do a thing.  I also thought he should make an effort to be healthier, and he thought it was in his best interest to just sit and eat huge portions of food all day. I did this for not just myself, but for my kids, and it made me resent him that he couldn't do the same. I want to find someone more active now. Someone who loves life.

Good luck in your journey to find someone who love life. Both you and your kids deserve that. Thanks for sharing your story!

Heather met Charles when she was at 250 lbs.  Charles has always had a wonderful thin physique and is very active and healthy.  Charles married Heather at 275 lbs.  At 325 and getting more and more health issues, Heather had WLS and lost over 150 lbs.  Charles began to wonder if his friends now hit on Heather.  Heather replies that they never did before and I am the same person just lighter so she knows what's what.  Charles and Heather have now been together 13 years (married 12 this October) and have a pretty strong marriage.  Heather knows Charles loved her for her, not her weight or looks.  :)

Names not changed.

I think weight plays a big role in our lives and how we handle it is what makes us, or breaks us.  If you are in a relationship where your spouse is criticizing you about your weight you are going to end up having a lot of deep seeded anger toward that person. If  it continues, so will the anger. After surgery if the person does lose a lot of weight that is when they are going to have to sit down and look at the whole relationship over all. First off, are they going to be able to forgive that person, and second how much time and energy has been invested in the relationship. Personally, I have been married to the same man for 19 years, and there are days I love him with all my heart, then others I think I stand to be around him another moment.  My husband has always had a problem with my weight, which is probably some of the reason I am a compulsive eater, since I am always trying to fill some type of void. Granted, I was 130 to 140 pounds when we met, but gained weight with each pregnancy. Getting up to my heaviest now, which is 268? My husband has said things to me over the years about my weight and at times has been very verbally abusive.  I think a lot of it is because he is from the Midwest and speaks his mind, and yes I do hold some resentment.  I have thought about and tried to in vision how I will be after I have the surgery and have lost all the weight.  I know my husband will be thrilled to death, but I have to decide if I can really forgive him for all his negativity over the years.  I think the only reason I am still hanging on is because I do know my husband does loves me, even though it might not be quite the way I want him too, regardless he has some other good qualities that I have to take in count for too.  He is a good man. He doesn’t drink (unless socially), or smoke and he comes home to me every night. He has always been very supportive of my education, and is a wonderful provider for me and our two children. He is also been great at making sure our teenagers are respectful to me, even though there are times when he isn’t. I guess what I am trying to say is, I think as I am changing for the better, I am hoping he will change as well.  I stop loving myself a long time ago and this played a huge role in our relationship and we both quite trying to improve our marriage.  My hope is the surgery will only bring us closer because I will learn to love myself again, and will discover other things I love about him that I forgot about. Good luck!

I haven't had my surgery yet, but From what I have heard and saw in people I know that had WLS, the marriages that had issues prior to surgery have more issues after and don't make it.  In this case I am worried about my marriage.  It has been rather rocky.  The pass few months it has been pretty good though.  I worry that my choice to have this surgery may ruin my marriage, but my weight is killing me.  My husband was always against this surgery but finally I told him it was my decision because I have a brittle bone disease and the weight is hard on me.  He seems to understand and be supportive as of now.  I just pray everything works out for the best with us.

Jenny

I dont think the Wls had anything to do with the affair. It was prob due to the fact that the marriage had issues before the surgery. Perhaps she had the mentality that no one wanted her at her previous weight. Now that she has lost the weight and is getting attention for it she has renewed confidence making he see things differantly. I myself am more attracted to my man because of my weight loss. it is prob because of my confidence and the fact that relations weighing less is so much better.

Everyone is differant like every marriage. To blam it on the  wls is so one dimentional. There are meny factors that can harm a marriage. The surgery just prob spead up the process. She prob would have strayed anyway if she was unhappy. Not saying that all people do but she did.