Edit

 So, let's me make sure I got this right. You've had your band 4 years. And your "compliance nazis" seem to think you're still supposed to be eating 1000 calories or less a day? Uh, no. Too low.

The low- or zero-calorie drink no-no? Bull**** too. 

Take it from a Lapband success (and yes, we DO exist!): do what works for you. If eating 5 or 6 small meals instead of 3 works better for you, and you're losing weight, keep it up. If drinking low- or no-calorie beverages is working for you and you're getting your fluids in, keep drinking them. I'm not a fan of water unless it is ice-cold, so I don't drink a lot of it unless I'm at the gym. What DO I drink? Vitamin Water Zero (love love love them!) Fuse and diet Snapple.

Why on earth would FRESH FRUIT be a no-no and canned/frozen not be? Sheer stupidity.

When you go for you fill a) lie. What are they going to do: follow you home to make sure you're compliant? And if you want to stay with the comparison to Alice in Wonderland, bring your doc a cake that says "Eat Me" on it. 

They are full of **** NUTs are brainwashed.

Funny, i was under the impression that fills are what make the money. Why would he not want to make an extra couple hunnerd bucks.  All Lap band doc's are nothing but money grabbing hacks, Aren't they???

Petra

Ok I get that part...your Doc is an odd duck with the way he "operates". What I fail to get (I guess my lap band is too tight) How does your Doc's "rules" make the labband a crap band??? Seems to me crapdoc is more like it..no?
I have never heard of the "rules" your doc puts forth..

Petra

Yup, this methodology all makes sense to me.    Instead of owning up to the fact that the lab band is a HUGE FREAKING MEDICAL FAILURE, they switch the responsibility over to the patient.     Geez, this kind of sounds a lot like what's going on in Republican politics these days!!
As a matter of fact, while I'm on this rant, this actually is what's wrong with this current society as a whole.   Heaven forbid, we certainly can't blame ourselves.   That might smack of accountability, admitting defeat, responsibility, fill in the blank here, whatever.  Let's just blame someone else.  It's so much easier that way.  My heart goes out to you.

 D - I hope you don't think I was referring to YOUR accountability, but THEIRS!
You sound like you've been doing what needs to be done to be compliant, it's THEM I'm pissed at, LOL.