Anyone else feel like a freak of nature?

I just came here because I don't really have anyone to talk to and I thought typing might help. I've had horrible luck with shrinks and even my church pastor so I no longer talk to anyone who doesn't understand.

About six months ago I went through my second divorce. I'm in my 40's and raising teens.

Right now I'm feeling like the most disgusting, hideous, freak on the planet. My first husband left me because he was so repulsed by my obesity. My second husband was so turned off by my saggy post-op body, that he was no longer attracted to me.

I was always somewhat confident, even at 300+ lbs. Now, not so much. It seems like everyone is looking at my squishy tummy skin and floppy arms. I probably won't get cosmetic surgery. My WLS journey nearly ended in death so I'm surgery-shy. And I refuse to walk around in some kind of girdle, sweating and getting a rash. They are not designed for this amount of skin anyway.

I guess I need to find a place where I'm comfortable in my body, regardless of the mental damage men have done. I just don't know how to do that or where to begin.

If you got this far thanks for taking the time to listen to my rambling. Please pray for me. My life is mess right now.

((((HUGS)))

I know exactly how you feel, on both counts. I personally felt much more unattractive with the empty skin. Eventually it will tighten up somewhat.

You're really bruised right now; give yourself a while to get over the 2nd divorce, focus on making yourself and your children a peaceful and happy life. The peace you seek must come from within, and no other person can do it.

Best wishes,

I am so glad I found your post! I so understand where your coming from. I have very very poor health because of my obesity. I feel like life is happening all around me and it is without me. I don't know where I fit inl I look in the mirror and don't know who I am looking at. I am going through the process to get a surgery date. I am going to be having the RNY surgery. I am so freaking afraid right now. Everyone around me seems to be trying to talk me out of it. I don't know who to believe the Dr's, surgeon, all the people that have had surgery with wonderful outcomes. Everyoine says they would do it again in a NY minute. I am scared about after surgery... the extra skin too! I am having problems now with extra skin what is it going to be like after weight loss? I don't have the money for plastic surgery. The doctors and others say "well, if it is a health issue/prolem and things are documented .... we can get insurance to cover the cost!" WHO DO I BELIEVE ABOUT ANYTHING right now!? UGHHHH I just don't feel that I fit in anywhere. So, when you say a "freak of nature" I wonder that too!? I feel like I don't belong and maybe I am not suppose to ever be happy? I apologize. I don't think I helped you or answered any of your questions. I just want to say thank you. I don't feel so alone now. Take care and hang in there.

Dawn, only YOU can decided if and when surgery is right for you. It took me two years to make that decision. It's my advice to everyone. Research and trust your own heart. You can't rely on everyone else's experiences or decisions. Best of luck to you.

Dawn, due to health reasons, my RNY ended up to be a failure.  Not completely because I still can't eat very much.  I'm protein deficient.  I don't get enough water in.  The only thing I do religiously is take my vitamins and try to get protein shakes down.

But 5 years later, if you asked me if I would do it again - I would say a resounding yes.

I'm still off 3 blood pressure meds, I'm off the diabetic med and my blood sugar hovers between 115 and 125.   Food is not my whole world anymore.   I'm becoming more assertive, I know I need to go to therapy, but I'm not ready yet for that.   That would be my one suggestion, can/will you go to therapy to find out what makes you want to eat, or not exercise or whatever. 

This can be, if you have researched and you want it, the start of a new you.   Only you can decide.  Not relatives, not husbands, not kids.  You.

Tink

I am so there..altho I wouldn't turn back now even if I could..I have lost 103 lbs and my skin is sagging all over the place..My three year old son finds my flabby arms amusing and it crushes me..but then I think of the would have been if I hadn't had the surgery..If I hadn't of had the surgery..I might not be here, so altho the saggy skins bothers me more than I can tell you...I would rather have that and one more day with my son than the alternative :(

Jenn, that's why I had surgery, because fo my kids. I was immobile and couldn't be there for them. I didn't do this for vanity but then gain, I didn't realize I'd be where I am right now. And my Godsons play with my 'batwings'!!! LOL.

I know exactly what you are going thru..I wish there was an easy answer..there is no way I can afford surgery so it is something I will just have to live with but it doesn't make it any easier...all I can tell you is keep your chin up...Keeping your spirit up is more than 1/2 the battle :)

I think the following was supposed to be sent to you, so I have copy/pasted it here for your reply:

"I am so glad I found your post! I so understand where your coming from. I have very very poor health because of my obesity. I feel like life is happening all around me and it is without me. I don't know where I fit inl I look in the mirror and don't know who I am looking at. I am going through the process to get a surgery date. I am going to be having the RNY surgery. I am so freaking afraid right now. Everyone around me seems to be trying to talk me out of it. I don't know who to believe the Dr's, surgeon, all the people that have had surgery with wonderful outcomes. Everyoine says they would do it again in a NY minute. I am scared about after surgery... the extra skin too! I am having problems now with extra skin what is it going to be like after weight loss? I don't have the money for plastic surgery. The doctors and others say "well, if it is a health issue/prolem and things are documented .... we can get insurance to cover the cost!" WHO DO I BELIEVE ABOUT ANYTHING right now!? UGHHHH I just don't feel that I fit in anywhere. So, when you say a "freak of nature" I wonder that too!? I feel like I don't belong and maybe I am not suppose to ever be happy? I apologize. I don't think I helped you or answered any of your questions. I just want to say thank you. I don't feel so alone now. Take care and hang in there.".


You are not alone--we are with you in spirit.

Hugs again,

There are many of us here that know exactly where you are coming from. I have lost well over 200# and although I am fortunate to not have ghastly skin issues, I am still not content with my body the way it is now. I hated being heavy and do not want to go back there, but I felt a lot sexier then than I do now. Thankfully my hubby thinks I'm atteactive no matter what, but I just don't and that causes issues for me and him. I'm trying to talk him into letting me get my breasts done at least, but I doubt it will ever happen.
-Wanda