Will you marry me?

Will you marry me? Would you like to have a baby with me?  

I say this tongue and cheek, sort of… Here is my issue: Since my surgery, I’ve lost about 150 lbs. I’m normal now. Wow. I never thought I would have a normal life, but I’m facing options at this time. And I’m starting to believe it. I can really, truly have a real life and be a real woman in this world.   And what I have decided is that I would love to be a mother. My past boyfriend loved fat women, so now that I’ve lost weight, I’ve lost him as well. Mostly. He’s still a friend of mine and a business partner. But he has made it clear that he has no desire to father a child with me, nor to even donate his sperm so I can be a single mother without him. He is no longer physically attracted to me. It’s a bit of a disappointment, but I am trying to see it in a positive light: it gives me more options that I had before.  

I have no social life, really. I have no boyfriend anymore. So obviously I have no husband. And really, as I’m 34 years old, I have no time left. I want to be a mother. And though I would rather not be a single mother, it seems like my only choice.   Have any of you felt this since losing weight with weight-loss surgery?  

I guess I just always assumed I would be dead or infertile by this time. I’ve turned my life around, but not in time to grow a relationship with a man who could be my husband. But I still want a baby. I think I am meant to be a mother. How do I go about this? How do I become a mother without having a husband? I have enough money to go to a sperm bank…but is that the right thing to do?  
Any weight-loss-surgery men out there thinking they would like to be a father just like I would like to be a mother?   I just don’t know what to do. I could go this alone. I know I could. I don’t want to miss out on any other part of my life due to my previous obesity and food addiction. I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to grab life fully.  

Should I do it? Should I become a mother even though I am single? I am a little confused…I would love some advice and counsel…  

Thanks so much,
Barbara

In response to the subject line: I will think about marrying you, but I will have to ask my wife for her permission....

I think you are selling yourself short. There are a lot of men out there. If the only reason your boyfriend loved you was because you were fat, that is HIS problem. You CAN find a decent guy!

I think it is selfish to intentionally bring a child into this world without a mother and a father. I will probably be attacked for this but that is what I think. Children do best with a mother and a father who love them.

The most important thing is: don't lose hope! You can find a man, a husband, who will love you for who you are.

Don't worry! I will not attack you for saying that a child deserves to have both a m other and a father. I hope no one else will either. I struggle with the same thoughts...if I cannot find a man to be a father to a child with me, will I go childless forever? I am having a hard time with this.

I don't think my boyfriend only loved me for what I looked like before I lost weight. But he isn't physically attracted to me now that I am 150 lbs down, and I appreciate his honesty. And I understand it.

But I am still left with a terrible choice. And I do agree that there might be a man out there for me...I just don't know if I biologically have the time anymore. I am 34 years old now. Going to be 35 in a few months' time. I just practically can't go many more years and still be fertile.

So I am faced with a decision....and I just don't know what to do...

At this point, I'm thinking that even an arranged marriage would work!

:)

Obviously your (former) boyfriend had a chubby/fat fetish (sexual) and that was the ONLY reason he was with you...Who would want someone like that to father their child?

(Not at all saying there is anything WRONG with sexual fetishes as long as it is between two consulting adults!)

If all you want is a Baby, there are Sperm banks where you can choose the genetic stud of your dreams...Or just play the dating game like the rest of us for awhile.  Try some places like Matchmaker.com or PlentyOfFish.com  I hear they are fairly good.

Warmly,
Jackie

You have no time - at 34??? 

You have plenty of time, I had my last baby at 41 and I'm sure there are some on here that had theirs when they were older than that!   I still take birth control at 48, so I would say that you have no need to rush into single parenthood simply because you feel time has run out!!!!

I am a single parent (through divorce) and believe me, it is not an easy path UNLESS you have a lot of family support.  Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to be a single parent, but I certainly don't think it is a decision to be made without a lot of consideration - financial, psychological and social  ...

Women over 40 are having their first babies.  No need to worry just yet.  Relax and learn to be you before you try to be more.

I got the baby itch when I was 30. I was fresh from a divorce and infertile because of my weight & I had no prospects at all. I chose to foster a child and then two. I ended up adopting them both. I got them when they were infants. I love them like I had them myself. They are now 6 & 8. Now I am married and so want to have a baby. I am 38 and my husband is 40 I feel like we are a little older to have kids but I don't care. If you have to do it single just make sure you have a lot of support. I chose to do it single, however I got lucky and met my housband shortly after I 2got my first daughter so technically they haven't been without a father, but it can be done. Good luck to you. Just know that you are not too old to have a baby.

"I love them like I had them myself."  SWEET WORDS that come straight from the heart of a mom!

You and your children are both blessed to have found one another.

Thanks for making my heart smile.

You have some time yet.  I was 38 when I had my first...and I was one of the youngest among my friends.  If you want to get an idea of how much time you may have, go get a fertility workup.  They can tell you what your fsh level is...a pretty decent indicator (at least one indicator) of how good those little eggies still are!