Feel like I need a xanax....dating and WLS

My questions is do you want to take your clothes off to please yourself or to please him?  Why worry about it before you are ready and willing to do so?  Just enjoy the companionship for a while and get to know each other real well.  What's wrong with saying you aren't ready yet.  If he dumps you for that, he's not a good person.  The only time you are obligated to have sex is when you are married so relax and don't worry about it. 

I didn't hear her say she wasn't ready.  She shouldn't avoid sex just because she's scared.  She's asking for dating advice, not outdated morals lessons.

Everybody is different.  Let's see what she has to say.  I'm just wondering if she thinks she has to have sex just because she goes out on a date with a guy.   It's not a morals lesson.  It's dating advice.  Dating doesn't have to include sex unless both people want it.  Some people may feel more comfortable waiting and safer too.

 I like this: very practical!

 Hello!  

two forums you might want to check out are the singles forum and sex before and after WLS - both have nice people where the subject of dating, relationships, nudity, etc are On topic. give them a try!

and congrats on being hot and having guy**** on you, fun!!

I'm only 6 weeks out but this is something I've already started worrying about! I haven't been on a date in 14 years so I totally get the anxiety, lol. 

I don't think most guys would see your weight loss as a bad thing...everyone I've ever seen, male or female, always seems pretty amazed at the accomplishment. Anyone that's turned off by it would have to be a jerk. Seriously, who thinks badly of someone who has worked so hard to improve themselves?

With all due respect to previous posters, sometimes there are people you're attracted to in the long term and those you're attracted to in the short term ;0) After 7 years some casual dating might be just the thing to help with your confidence so it sounds liKe you're doing everything right.

As I recall, guys don't pay nearly as much attention to detail once the clothes are off as we women think they do. Plus, they all have some physical attribute that they're sure we're judging too.

You're beautiful and don't owe anyone a medical history until you feel like it needs to be discussed! Good luck and more importantly HAVE fun!

For a person that hasn't dated in 14 years, you give VERY sound advice on the subject matter.   I hope you get back into the swing of things along your journey.  I think you'll do well.

To the OP: I feel your pain and i'm married.  I was obese for nearly 3 years and just that short time was enough to cause my confidence to waiver.  Just as I was getting it back due to the weight loss,  THE SKIN is now an issue.  I get a wee bit nervous now when my Hubby catches me in my dressing room or when I get "the look" from strange men.   On one hand, I welcome the admiring looks as it was a constant prior to getting married and the weight gain.  On the other hand, the skin alarms me.

Just take your time and conjur up creative solutions for when the time is right.  Have fun!

Girl, I can relate!! I lost 200 pounds and had tons of excess skin. I hid it well in clothes, but outta clothes, it was scary. I just had plastics to get rid of most of it.

As far as dating goes, just take it slow. If you jump into bed too quickly with someone, it will be simply for the sex and honestly, he might freak out, but if you get to know someone and you can genuinely tell he's a great guy, he won't care. Honestly. I didn't date for years when I was obese. My boyfriend loves me for me and my skin did not bother him. He didn't even want me to have plastics, but supported me in my decision.

There are great guys out there. Good luck!!

Laura

I could have wrote your post myself. I was doing online dating also. I have been on quite a few dates. . Alot of scary  men! Could write a book about it! (felons, married men, crazy millionaires etc....)
I know when men see me they envision  something total different than what I am underneath my clothes. Almost feel like I am lying to them if I dont tell them upfront. I have been struggling with it a lot. I dont have the answer for you. I havent found any chemistry yet.  What I will say is...... I am afraid.  But that fear wont get in the way of me finding someone that deserves me and I hope it doesnt get in the way for you either. Just remember not to get discourage and please be careful!  I know this will sound silly but google their name and get as much basic info online as you can. Any current arrest records will come up sometimes. In some cases you can do a reverse look up with their phone number.  I found out 2 people gave me alias by doing this. Be safe and enjoy your new life ahead of you!

Oh and for future meet-n-greets....coffee dates are much better. If a date isnt going well you can drink coffee fast and get out quickly....alcohol isnt a good idea to drink fast with WLS.

Sharon

Gosh Amy, you took the words right out of my mouth.  I am going through the EXACT same thing you are!  I have lost 172 lbs. and feel like a deflated balloon.  Don't get me wrong.... I am SO PROUD of my accomplishments and so thankful for the opportunity to have had WLS, but I am SO FRIGHTENED of intimacy with all this skin.  I am dating also, and feel like I am misleading them.  Spandex does wonders ....... but OMG without it, I am so totally FREAKED.  I feel like most men attach "desperate" to us when they find out we used to weigh so much.  It's a "stigma" that is hard to outlive.  Yes, I do believe there are good men out there who will love us for what we are ...... but we must get to that point first.  IF I COULD ONLY WIN THE LOTTERY ... AND FAST, lol !!!!