I am a victim. Woe, woe is me. *faint*

Victim. Posted: 14 Aug 2011 08:49 PM PDT "Don't allow phony victims to suck the good outta you. There is a reason they seem to always have bad luck, drama and tragedy in their lives - as hard as it is for some of us to grasp, these scenarios have been created to maximize attention and perpetuate their victim status. Let them move on without you." I wondered, What Is A Phony Victim?   Why did I wonder this?     Honestly, because I have had people tell me "if you didn't have bad luck you would have no luck at all," and it got me thinking:  Am I A Victim If Bad Things Have Happened In My Life?   WAIT A MINUTE!   A victim is by definition, a person who does not acknowledge responsibility for their actions and and who blame outside forces for their situations. Examples:  I posted on my Facebook account the other day about having gone to the OB-GYN for a long overdue follow up pain visit, and when I got to the office I was told that the doctor had suddenly and without notice -- retired.   "This stuff only happens to you."   But, it did happen and why are you questioning the truth?  What should I have done, aside from not sharing?  Lie?  I left the office, no relief, and I am still holding my gut!  Was this anybodies fault?  Probably the idiot doc who got fired, yes, but I found it more funny than annoying. Another example is the pain itself!  I've been in cyclic lower left quadrant gut or female related pain since December 2010.  I  enjoyed the ER several times, two OB-GYN's, two separate hospitals, a Bariatric Surgeon, a wicked fun enema or five, exploratory surgery, a Gastro-Intestinal Doctor, and again I am back to the OB-GYN.   But, it IS happening, and why do you question it?  I spend part of EVERY DAY holding "my broken."  I spent most of the winter in the fetal position on my couch, and I've been hoping the pain would just go away by ignoring it. "This stuff only happens to you." Yes.  I get accused to making it up.  Why the hell would I want to create this stupid gut pain?  (Or seizure disorder, because you KNOW I have been called a faker.  Thanks for that!) The difference is likely that I am a blogger, and I over-share?  I post where I am, when I am, and talk about things that are sticky issues for YOU.  Some people don't want to read about potential negative issues regarding bariatric surgery, I've run into THAT for years and years.  But, this is my own life -- my own "stuff" -- I'm not making it up.   If I was -- I'd be a lot more creative and cure myself.  And write a book.

Example -- I dropped my mobile phone.  It's shattered and that sucks, but do you think I am telling you because I expect you to come send a Sprint htc phone fairy to fix the glass?  No.  I share because it happened, and ironically, I had just signed up for cable and internet with no phone for my new apartment, to save money on the land line.  I found it ironic.  So?  It was my fault.  I dropped it.  Did I blame anyone?

"This stuff only happens to you."

 

OH WAIT!  That's the biggest, newest one!   The whole moving-out business. 

"Don't allow phony victims to suck the good outta you. There is a reason they seem to always have bad luck, drama and tragedy in their lives - as hard as it is for some of us to grasp, these scenarios have been created to maximize attention and perpetuate their victim status. Let them move on without you."

Oh!  SIGH!  DRAMA!  It's for you - for me - for you to feel bad for me - for me.  Oo

I am moving out of my home, away from my husband, and splitting up our family of 16+ years FOR ATTENTION.  I figured that if I made all of this divorce drama up, my readers would feel "bad" for me and give me undying affections and "Poor Beths" and keep my ego fed.  

*puts on the victim hat*  I caused this.  It's all my fault.  Woe is me.  I can't do anything right.  *feigned tears*  

No.  Actually.  The coming divorce and moving out has  n o t h i n g  to do with me, and I am not blaming anyone.  It is what it is.  So be it.  Amen.  The sharing of my journey online is a choice.  I chose to tell you what was going on, because it's causing a giant upheaval in life as I know it.  

"This stuff only happens to you."

• Wait.  What are the percentages of marriages that end in divorce?  
• And what about those in obese couples with added weight loss surgery?  It's not just me.  

The difference, again, is that I am a blogger and I over-share my life situations and it makes YOU uncomfortable.

And, some of you *leers at YOU* assume that ALL OF THIS is a big made up affair for free samples.  That's right.   I need protein, so I did this.

• I outed my gay husband
• Created family drama
• Broke up my family living situation
• Created a whole heap of confusion for my kids
• Spent $3500.00 on first, last and security for an apartment
• And need to accumulate about 500 other things to outfit ANOTHER household, after living WITH someone since 1998
• Just to get your online approval or potential free bag of protein.

That's what it is!    No.  

Is it that you need know WHAT I have received for free since this situation was "outed?"  

I will tell you even though it's none of your beeswax!  (I haven't used that phrase.  Ever.)

• Laundry basket, glass bowls and a set of towels.  

Forgive me if I forgot something, my belongings are currently behind me in a pile waiting to go.  I get the keys tomorrow to my apartment. 

Or the "gifts" from real friends that I have created online? 
 Miles and miles of travel and hours and fun.  I am thankful to those who have helped me out in the ways they can -- but you know what?

Creating community isn't about helping ME -- the blogger -- it's about helping US.  And, by that, WE can pay it forward.

 

Over-sharing, being open and honest -- what does it get us?

"Truth is that a very kind and good hearted old friend just disclosed that her cancer meds cost $2300 a month AFTER assistance - one pill a day that she must take forever to live. I have another friend that no one even knows is hurting because she doesnt post it on Facebook - she is there for many, yet no one even notices that she is way off the radar. Another friend is suffering financially because an able bodied acquaintance is using guilt and pity to take from her. Another friend has a daughter who deals drugs and always needs to be saved. I have many customers who send protein, gift certificates, vitamins, you name it, to online folks who are excellent victims. The loud ones have people around them who feed their need for attention."

The loud ones. 

The loud "victims" online.  

You better believe how LOUD I can get -- if I were given a diagnosis that is not good?  

I am a guaranteed advocate for the cause.  I am already an obesity advocate, and living with intractible epilepsy, and neurocogntive disorder, if given another cause?  

Fine.  YOU WILL HEAR ME.

The loud ones are like one of my dear friends online, who is homeless, *****ceives gifts of protein, vitamins and other odds and ends while she works her way through schooling.  That makes her a "loud online victim" because she has no shame in accepting help when she needs it?

No, actually, it doesn't.  It makes her likely to pay it forward when she can.  So.  Shut up or put out.

Am I a victim?  

Most victims can be identified by their conversation, which consists of a lot of "woe is me" and "it's not my fault" language. However, there also is the "stoic" victim. Such people do not complain, and they keep a "stiff upper lip," but underneath they experience a sense of victimization. 

Typical Characteristics of Victims

• People who are victims usually don't see that the only thing in common between all the people and situations they think they have been victimized by is themselves.

• Victims usually are people you can't depend on, because they deny responsibility for their actions. They are quick to blame other people and situations for anything that doesn't work in their lives.

• Victims don't have resilience, which is the ability to quickly bounce back after being knocked down.

• Victims generally are passive. 

• Victims are usually angry at the people or events they think have "done them wrong," and underneath the feeling of anger is almost always the feeling of powerlessness.

• Successful people are rarely victims. One might be able to be a victim and still make money and have great relationships in rare cases, but usually it would be difficult for victims to be successful. To be successful you need to learn from your mistakes and try again. Victims are, by definition, people who do not acknowledge responsibility for their actions and who blame outside forces.

Source - Marty Lefkoe

I am NOT a victim.  

I have a little black rain cloud, but you better believe it's got a huge ******g rainbow, and a huge pot of honey at the end.    And, maybe a unicorn.  Or two.

PS.  Edited to add, I don't care if the statuses were or weren't directed at my online persona.  I took the status -- as it was sent to me -- and considered it all day long -- and wondered "Does this apply to me?"

When someone is doing as much as you are with their life, the couch potatoes get  to feeling guilty.

You are like the Marine Corps, you get more done before 9:00 a.m. than the rest of us get done all day.

Hugs to you!

Big hugs to you, and a few extra unicorns. : )

I'm proud to be associated with a victim like you, Beth!

I'd rather read a book that you wrote, than what someone else wrote. Any day. (I won't mention names mkay? but her book was a waste of my freaking time)

I'm glad you live out loud Beth... I can be quite the wuss with everyday life **** and sometimes what you post gives me the balls to squeak up...err...speak up and say something in my every day personal life. What YOU say in ...wherever you live (brain fart) has helped ME stand up and talk to people who have become addicts post surg. Go figure eh?

Anyway.

And I hope you have a million ******g rainbows and unicorns ON your journey, not the end of your journey.

This is why I would never ever EVER blog the way you, Michelle and the girls at BTV do...I'm too sensitive and while I am brave at times, I die inside with every snide comment. I'm happy to support and be a cheerleader to anyone who gets up every day, faces what the **** they have to face and does the deal.

After reading some of the comments on here after people post and then the things get turned sideways and the chew marks are left all over someone who was misinterpreted, overfreakinganalyzed, chewed up and spit out... nah, don't think blogging my life is for me. It's hard enough to be honest IN HERE, where it's SUPPOSED to be safe for us...



Peace
Binda

I guess I dont pay close enough attention to know who called you a victim, but I seriously doubt you could possibly make up all the **** you have been through, what would be the point exactly.  And I am equally positive when your life gets sorted out and good things happen you will blog about them just as much as the ****ty things.  Everyone has **** for luck at times, and I for one know about hiding from ones problems, guess what they don't go away.  Facing life head on and dealing is the only way to go, you have been doing that for a long time, hopefully the rainbow and unicorns are right around the ******g corner, or seriously I think we should set up some gun towers and take out a few fairies and leprechauns.  lol

 "This stuff only happens to you."

A really close friend said that to me once and I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I just didn't know how to respond and I couldn't comprehend why he was insinuating that I was lying.  That one sentence continues to haunt me in my conversations with him (it happened years ago) and I find myself censoring my conversation points with him still.  He probably said it flippantly or maybe he meant it with humor, but the underlying message (to me) was soul crushing.

   Ill take being a victim like U  anyday  MM         U Rock  GRRL  !!!!   PLease dont let jealous haters make U feel bad  ...  they hate ya  Cuz Ure Beautiful , cuz Ure Vital , full of  Life  and positive Energy  and because U contribute so much  .... 

WE  LUV YA    ALWAYS 

I don't see any negativity?

Just recently, realized I do 'play victim alot'... think because when I was always the 'victor', people would come and leech off of me, until I felt I had nothing left. As victim, got more encouragment. Overtime, I saw my power slowly being drained from me... and I realized. THATS NOT ME!!!