Going out tonight, husbands mad

After reading through this thread, it seems to me like your marriage was in trouble a long time ago, and you are now trying to pu**** - with Oh So Innocent Behavior Which He is DETERMINED to Misunderstand - off the deep end. That way, YOU will feel justifed that it was HIS insecurity that caused the breakup, because you gave yourself Plausible Deniability - YOU feed upon his (baseless or otherwise) insecurities, knowingly provoke him into feeling even more insecure, and then pat yourself on the back and whine to anyone who will listen that you are Pure as the Driven Snow, and he is Unreasonable and Jealous For No Reason.  Followed by the divorce, and affairs, not necessarily in that order, because you are making up for Lost Time.

Using Title Case because this is like a screenplay or chapter book many of us have seen over and over and over again:
* Fat Girl Marries Only Guy Who Will Have Her;
* Fat Girl Makes Life (and Babies) With Only Guy Who Would Have Her;
* Fat Girl Loses Weight;
* Formerly Fat Girl Realizes She Settled For Less Than She Deserved:
* Formerly Fat Girl Dumps Only Guy Who Would Have Her When She Was Fat;
* Formerly Fat Girl Tries to Make Up for Her Lost Youth She Wasted With Him;
* Formerly Fat Girl Ends Up Realizing Too Late What She Threw Away

Not saying this is always the case.  Sometimes, The Only Guy Who Would Have Her is a controlling ******* who picked a Fat Girl because that way, he would not be afraid of losing her, because she is so grateful anyone would have her, and the Fat Girl doesn't realize it until she isn't fat anymore.  Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.  Sometimes, hoofbeats mean zebras.

Presumably, you know yourself, and what you are doing.  However, it sounds like for whatever reasons - his own insecurity, or your own motivations, which may or may not be evident to your husband - your husband isn't happy about this.  Your attitude seems to be, however, that his concerns are secondary to your desires - and what many of us are telling you is that IF this is the line in the sand you want to draw, be aware of your TRUE motivations and be ready to accept the consequences.   It seems pretty clear to us how this is going to end up, and it is NOT with him smiling, happy and confident that his wife loves him, despite the fact that she parties with her girlfriends whenever she wants.

I suggest that those of us who DO go out and party with our girlfriends with impunity are doing so from VERY different marriages as compared to yours.

DIANA-I would not have bothered making it to the end of this thread, except that I saw YOU were the last to post. As usual, you are the voice of reason. Yes, we have see this scenario play out so many times, both on OH and IRL, over the years...

For the OP, I would like to share how MY GFs and get around this type "sticky" problem. We like to dance-our DHs don't. We have a little group of "gay boyfriends". We used to go at least once a month to THEIR club-never bought a drink-danced our asses off-LOTS of good attention-got walked to our cars-pimped dates for THEM-camed home to our DHs-best times I ever had. We also have BBQs, etc and all the "guys" know each other now, so the DHs feel totally "ok" with "the boys" taking care of us. The one time we ventured to a "regular" club we did get in "trouble". We learned our lesson...quickly...It wasn't worth the fall out. It endedi in the divorce to a 20 year marriage. Granted, it was no doubt already shaky, but the touble STARTED with our night at THAT club..

I've always had more fun going out to dance in gay clubs versus straight ones.  There's absolutely no pressure.  You can just let your hair down and have fun.  
  

Wow,  I never meant for you to ignore his feelings, but there's away to get together with the girls and shore up his insecurities at the same time.  Call and text through out the night, be home at an decent hour, make a date with him the day before or after and do things he likes to do.  

I am very lucky, my fella is not jealous, insecure or any of that.........he doesnt care if i go out with the girls or have craft night.  Its not every week or every month for that matter, but i do get together with my friends........

I never meant to throw the Baby out with the bath water so to speak, ok gonna quit typing had 4 hours sleep in the last 36 hours...........so probably babbling

A problem, even if only perceived, is STILL a very real problem that must be dealt with.  He is hurt first and foremost.  His anger is an after-effect.

I hope I never hear my wife say, to paraphrase another response, "married not dead".  OUCH!  My perception would be "the beginning of the end".  Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with D which stands for divorce.  

Yep! 

Probably not.

Goodness if it were up to my partner he would never let me leave the house for anything because he is convinced I am going to leave him for a skinny guy.  Frankly, I get tired of hearing it.  I don't even go out to any type of social events anymore because of it.  Even if he goes along he can't relax or have a good time because he is convinced every guy is there to take me home with them.  It is a real fun time let me tell you.  I can see both sides of it, but I can tell you it gets old real quick especially when you don't even do anything to feed the insecurity. 

Christy
 

Christy, he has been like this since the day I've known him. He always feels like he's never been good enough for me, or that I'll find someone better. When I met him, I was skinnier than I am now, that was 17 yrs ago. He was engaged to be married to his high school sweetheart and we met. His insecurities are HIS, not mine. I've been a faithful, happy wife, and we have good careers, kids, and a home. I go out for me, it's my way of rewarding myself for the hard work I do. My "me" time is to keep my sanity sometimes! I work with sick and dying children, take care of my family, and am now starting to take care of my health and myself esteem, hence the reason for the surgery, same as everyone else. I hope you take the time to remember who you are.

It's beyond me why you'd be attracted to guy that acted like an insecure controlling douche in the first place, but nevertheless, this is who you married. So maybe that is a whole different issue that you two need to deal with.

So whether he has reasonable concern, or he is just a jerk, either way, looking for a justification to go party with the girls isn't the way to resolve this. You and he made vows at your wedding, and if you don't give a rip how he feels or if he's OK, then cut him loose. If you are interested in staying married, figure out and deal with the real problem.